TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
44 min
2 speakers
7 chapters
transcribed 12 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the core concept of “captain energy” and how does it help parents avoid power struggles?
So the captain energy is one that requires us to really be present and mindful for what's getting stirred up inside of us, so that when a child refuses to do something, we can step back and ask a different question. Why does this behavior make sense? Instead of why is he or she doing this to me?
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Rieber, and today I am so happy to be sharing with you a powerful conversation with my friend Susan Stiffelman. Susan, who is a family and marriage counselor, a psychotherapist, and a former teacher, is a wonderfully supportive presence in the parenting space. At the heart of Susan's work is her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected. And that is exactly what we're going to be talking about today: how to avoid power struggles. with our children and tap into that calm energy even in the midst of challenges and rising conflict in a way that supports not only our children but us as well.
Susan hosts the Parenting Without Power Struggles podcast. She runs regular webinars for parents. She's got a membership community, and she co-hosts regular calls for parents who are co-parenting with a narcissist. She's dedicated to supporting parents find more peace in their journey. And after listening to this conversation, I have no doubt she's going to have a lot more fans. This is an episode that is perfect for those of you out there who, like me, are challenged to maintain a sense of calm in difficult moments, especially ones that trigger our own emotional reactions. I hope you get a lot out of the episode. And a few quick announcements before I get to that. First, I have some new podcast supporters I wanted to thank.
Sarah McHale and Aaron. Thank you so much for being a part of this community and for helping support the production costs of this show. I'm so grateful. And if you too get a lot out of Tilt Parenting and would like to make a small monthly contribution to help fund the show, it is super easy to do. Just go to patreon.com slash tiltparenting and sign up. You can pledge ten, five, or even two dollars a month. Again, that's patreon.com slash tiltparenting. Also, I wanted to be sure you knew that next week is an episode you are not going to want to miss. My guest is Zach Morris. He's been on the show several times before. He's an educator and the co-founder of the Learn Ink School in Missoula, Montana. He has just a wonderful approach to working with differently wired kids, and we have a very in-depth, meaningful conversation about how we
can emotionally attune to our kids' experiences. I know that this time of year, the fall, once kids are kind of into the school routine, can be a really tricky time for many kids. And this is when we start seeing school refusal and we start seeing some behaviors that can be really challenging. And so that's what we're going to talk about. How can we as parents best support our kids As they are going through this, how can we hold a space for them and how can we allow for the emotional experience in a way that really, really helps them in their journey? So again, this is it's almost a double length. It's a long episode. You might want to break it into two listenings, but it is so powerful. So don't forget to tune in next week.
And now here's my conversation with Susan Stiffelman. Good morning, Susan. Welcome to the podcast.
Good morning, Debbie. I'm so glad to be here with you. Thanks for inviting me.
Of course, of course. I this is a long overdue conversation. You and I have known each other for years, and I'm just so excited to formally introduce you to my community. So thank you for doing this.
My pleasure.
So, as a way to get started, I actually just wanted to, there's a quote on your website, on your homepage that I love so much. It says to keep your parenting cool, end the power struggles, and stay calmly and lovingly in charge.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the core concept of “captain energy” and how does it help parents avoid power struggles?
0:00–8:38
2
How did Susan Stiffelman’s background as a teacher and therapist shape her parenting approach?
8:38–16:27
3
Why does asking “Why does this behavior make sense?” change the parent‑child dynamic?
16:27–21:38
4
How does the movie‑choice role‑play illustrate the difference between “captain,” “lawyer,” and “dictator” parenting styles?
21:38–27:24
5
What role does attachment play in preventing power struggles and fostering cooperation?
27:24–34:03
6
How can parents strengthen attachment with teachers and other adults in a child’s life?
34:03–41:09
7
What practical steps can exhausted parents take to stop power struggles before they start?
41:09–44:54
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids