TPP 211: Parenting Scripts for Stressed Out Moments with Kids, with Dr. Adele Lafrance
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
34 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 12 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why do parents usually respond with reassurance, redirection, or problem‑solving when kids are upset?
When we look at the way we're conditioned in at least North American culture, for sure in other countries as well, but when a child is upset, we're conditioned to either offer reassurance, redirection or problem solving as a first step. And so naturally, things are going to escalate and blow up in those toughest moments. Because when you lead with reassurance, or distraction or redirection or problem solving, when emotions are high, it can actually make things worse.
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. If you ever find yourself stuck about exactly what to say in response to your kids, especially in challenging moments, this episode is for you. My guest is Dr. Adele LaFrance, a clinical psychologist and research scientist with a passion for helping parents support their kids in a way that is informed by the latest developments in neuroscience. She's also the author of the new book, What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work. And if the title alone doesn't convince you, I can vouch. This book is full of the kind of practical and concrete advice that reflects both her clinical experience in working with families and her personal experience as a stepparent to a differently wired child.
So in this conversation, Adele is going to share some of that knowledge with us, including helpful scripts for common parenting scenarios, tips for building understanding and empathy during difficult moments. I know I could use more of that. And insights into why our cultural emotional conditioning often works against us as parents. I definitely had a few aha moments during this conversation. I hope listening does the same for you. Okay, now we're going to get on to our conversation with Adele about what to say to kids when nothing seems to work. Hey, Adele, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. My pleasure to have you. I'm so glad that you reached out to me and you were kind enough to share your book with me, which I can't wait to get into because I just absolutely loved it.
But can you take a few minutes before we do that? Just introduce yourself to us. Tell us a little bit about what you do in the world.
Of
course. Yeah.
So I'm a psychologist. I'm originally from Canada and now living, working, practicing in the United States and I have a history of researching emotion and family-based healing for a number of years. So yeah, this book is basically the fruit of many years of putting together tips, tricks, scripts for parents who I've met in different contexts who were looking for some concrete strategies to kind of get through the toughest moments at home.
So you just spoke my audience's language, concrete strategies to get through the toughest moments in our home. Yes, that's music to our ears, which again, when I got your email and then I had a chance to look at your book, I read it very quickly. I get a lot of books, but I really... Flew through your book and I wrote right back to you and I said, we need to bring you on the show. So your new book is called What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work. So, you know, you just said you've been collecting these tips and tricks and scripts. Tell us a little bit more about why you really wanted to get this book out there and then what you do in the book.
Thanks. So I've worked as a psychologist for over a decade now and mostly with parents of kids who were struggling in one way or another. So I've worked in the school system and pediatric rehab and hospital settings and mental health. And I would try to distill the best of the neuroscience that I was learning into simple tricks so that parents could bring more calm to the home environment. And over and over again, they would say that they'd wish someone had taught them these strategies long before, or even in the, Actual sessions, they would ask me to write down what you just said. Can you just write that down? And so we thought, okay, we actually need to write a book with all of these things that we write down so often for parents in need because they really work.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do parents usually respond with reassurance, redirection, or problem‑solving when kids are upset?
0:00–5:13
2
What motivated Dr. Adele Lafrance to write *What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work*?
5:13–10:45
3
How does the ‘bridge‑building’ script help a child who says “I hate reading”?
10:45–15:25
4
What is the “but → because” catch‑phrase and how can it change a child’s resistance?
15:25–19:17
5
Why does our cultural conditioning to jump straight to problem‑solving often make conflicts worse?
19:17–23:17
6
How does the ‘elevator’ analogy illustrate the need to meet a child at their emotional floor?
23:17–28:06
7
What are “do‑overs” in parenting and why are they as valuable as getting it right the first time?
28:06–32:25
8
Where can listeners find more scripts, videos, and resources from Dr. Lafrance?
32:25–34:24
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids