TPP 229: Lisa Van Gemert Talks About Perfectionism and Differently Wired Children
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
46 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 12 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is perfectionism and how does it differ from high standards?
I think almost every parent who has a child who has any perfectionistic tendencies at all. Can relate to the scene where a homework assignment that a teacher may have sent home that the teacher in good faith thought was a ten or fifteen minute assignment can turn into a six hour marathon frustration battle of epic proportions at the kitchen table.
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Rieber. My guest this week, Lisa Van Gemert, also known as the Gifted Guru, is an educator, speaker, former youth and education ambassador for Mensa, and the author of four books, including her most recent book, Perfectionism, a practical guide to managing never good enough. And that's what we're going to be talking about in depth today. Perfectionism, mostly in children, but in adults as well. Yeah. And while perfectionism might not be a diagnosis per se, it tends to pop up with many atypical kids and especially seems to go hand in hand with giftedness.
I hear from so many parents trying to understand their child's meltdown over not being able to complete a task or assignment to the exacting standard they've set for themselves, or on the opposite end, feeling defeated before they even begin. And trust me, I have been there as a parent as well. Lisa wrote her book in part from her work with gifted children, but largely from trying to understand her own perfectionism. In our conversation, Lisa goes deep into the research to help us understand what's really going on with perfectionistic tendencies and gives concrete strategies to help our kids and possibly ourselves manage it in a beneficial and positive way. But this episode is also full of all around great strategies for every parent, whether dealing with perfectionism in some way or not.
How did Lisa Van Gemert’s own struggle with perfectionism lead to her book?
This was a fascinating conversation with so many great nuggets. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks so much, and now here is my conversation with Lisa. Hey, Lisa, welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much for having me, Debbie. I'm really excited to be with you today. This is an a conversation that I I've been personally wanting to have and I hear this from so many parents. this idea of perfectionism, it is pervasive in our twice exceptional kids, our gifted kids, and just differently wired kids in general. So I think this is going to be a super useful conversation. But before we get into that, I always ask guests to just tell me a little bit about You know their personal why for doing the work and maybe how you came to be doing this work.
Well, unfortunately I came by it naturally and honestly that I had struggled a lot with my own perfectionistic tendencies and I had developed a speech that I did about it and I was giving this speech one time and a man named Jim Webb, who's very well known in the gifted world, who's unfortunately since passed away. He happened to be in a session that I did when I was speaking about perfectionism and he came up and said, That needs to be a book.
What are the main types of perfectionist children (risk‑avoiders, image managers, etc.)?
You have no idea how many people struggle with this just like you have. And that's how I got started in moving it beyond just looking at how to handle perfectionism in a school environment. to looking at perfectionism in a population of Children especially, but in the research I was doing branched out into adults because it turns out it's way more common in lots of populations than most people realize.
And I love I just have to say I I love that Jim Webb is a part of your story. He's a part of the story of a number of guests I've had on this show, and it's just such a testament to the legacy that he leaves you know behind in in this world. Yes.
When he was alive, um, he was my publisher for the book.
I do want you to tell us a little bit more about your book and we'll do that towards the end, your book about perfectionism. But let's start from the very beginning. Let's talk about even defining perfectionism. Is it different from having high standards or just simply someone who really wants things to be a certain way?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is perfectionism and how does it differ from high standards?
0:00–2:03
2
How did Lisa Van Gemert’s own struggle with perfectionism lead to her book?
2:03–3:28
3
What are the main types of perfectionist children (risk‑avoiders, image managers, etc.)?
3:28–4:48
4
How can parents identify the warning signs of a perfectionism‑driven meltdown?
4:48–6:00
5
What practical strategies help kids manage perfectionism at home and school?
6:00–7:30
6
How does the “1‑to‑5 rating scale” empower children to re‑frame tasks?
7:30–8:46
7
What foundational “four walls” (sleep, exercise, screen time, nutrition) must be secured first?
8:46–10:21
8
Where can listeners find Lisa’s book and additional resources on perfectionism?
10:21–46:12
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids