TPP 298: Pat Harvey on DBT and Strategies for Parenting Emotionally Intense Teens
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
36 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 13 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is DBT and how does it differ from traditional CBT for intense‑emotion teens?
One of the words that I I won't allow anybody to use is manipulative, right? So everybody says my kid's manipulative and everybody gets angry. Teachers get angry, everybody gets angry, right? What's a manipulative kid? A manipulative kid is a kid who's learned how to get their needs met. That's what it is, right? Now if you describe a kid who's doing what they need to do to get their needs met, you do not get angry at that kid. You do realize, however, that if you give in to absolutely everything they want, that you are helping them do that. And that's not gonna help change their behaviors.
Welcome to Tilled Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Reber. Parenting a differently wired child, as we know, can be challenging. And as I sat down with my guest, clinical social worker Pat Harvey to have this conversation today, I wanted to acknowledge and validate the experiences that we have as parents as much as we do the same for our kids. So, as you'll hear from Pat, her work centers around helping parents navigate raising kids who have highly intense emotions. emotions, the kind of emotions that can cause big disruptions at home. I first came across Pat Harvey's work when a friend recommended her book, Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges.
And I just knew from the title that it was a book I needed to help me navigate my relationship with my teen. And let me tell you, it has made a big difference. So during my conversation With Pat, we talked about her work in supporting parents using dialectical behavior therapy or DBT. the three priorities within the DBT framework, some of the critical things to understand in order to effectively parent emotionally intense kids, and where to start if you're looking for more support for yourself.
How did Pat Harvey develop her parent‑focused DBT program and what’s her background?
And a little bit more about my guest, Pat Harvey has been a clinical social worker for over 30 years and currently focuses on supporting and guiding parents of kids with emotional challenges using a DBT framework. She is the co-author of two books on parenting, including the one we're talking today, along with parenting a child who has intense emotions, and the author of a book for siblings and a book for clinicians. She's also spoken nationally and in Canada about DBT and about working with parents. This is a fascinating conversation and I hope you get a lot out of it. And quickly before I get to that, if you are newer to Tilt, be sure to visit Tilt Parenting online for free resources, including my free seven-day Differently Wired challenge, which I design to help people make some small reframes over the course of a week that can have a big impact in daily life.
The first chapter of my book, Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Convention. World, which you can download for free, and my weekly newsletter, which always includes a little inspiring or actionable tidbit, highlights of upcoming events you might want to know about, and links to recent news articles about parenting neurodivergent kids. You can find all of those resources and more at tiltparenting.com. And if you are new to TILT, I just want to say welcome. If you're raising a child who is neurodivergent in any way and are looking for strength spaced, optimistic resources to support you in your parenting journey, you're in the right place. And I'm so glad you're here. And I'm so glad you're about to listen to this episode because it's a good one.
So here you go. My conversation with Pat Harvey. Hey Pat, welcome to the podcast. Um glad to be here. I am glad to have this opportunity to talk with you. We were just talking off air that a friend recommended your book a few years ago. And the title, Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions, really I was like, Okay, this is the book that I need to get me through this time. So it's an honor to have you here today. We have a lot that we could talk about with regards to your work and this book, but I'd love if you could
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is DBT and how does it differ from traditional CBT for intense‑emotion teens?
0:00–1:59
2
How did Pat Harvey develop her parent‑focused DBT program and what’s her background?
1:59–4:37
3
What are the three core DBT priorities (safety, treatment, quality of life) and why do they matter?
4:37–7:23
4
How can parents decide which priority (safety, treatment, or quality of life) to focus on at a given moment?
7:23–9:18
5
Why is validation the most powerful skill for parents of emotionally intense kids?
9:18–11:00
6
What are the biggest roadblocks that stop parents from embracing DBT (e.g., fear of “indulgence,” labeling, judgment)?
11:00–12:44
7
How can parents de‑escalate intense moments and teach their teen distress‑tolerance skills?
12:44–14:08
8
What practical first step should a parent take today to support an emotionally intense teen?
14:08–36:08
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids