TPP 324: A Conversation about Declarative Language and Co-Regulation, with Linda Murphy
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
42 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 6 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is declarative language and why is it important for parenting neurodivergent children?
Declarative language is a way of speaking. But co-regulation is a way of being. So our words won't matter as much if we can't all also just be present in that moment and meet our learner where they are. And it could be just in terms of their development, understanding where they are developmentally, but also in each moment in time.
Welcome to Tilled Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Rieber, and I have a great episode for you today. For the past few years I've been hearing about this concept called declarative language. And although I had an idea of what it was, after reading my guest Linda Murphy's Declarative Language Handbook, I couldn't wait to bring her on the show because it offers yet another transformational tool for our Parenting Differently Wired Kids toolbox. Linda describes declarative language as a positive, thoughtful communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness.
And as you'll hear from our conversation, it is an ideal communication style for really all children, but especially neurodivergent kids and those whose nervous systems are triggered by demands or more imperative communication styles. Linda brings decades of experience as a speech language pathologist who has been working with individuals with social learning differences to our conversation. Specifically, we discuss the different ways we can communicate with our children, the language we use, and the effects that simple shifts in the way we have conversations can have in our daily interactions with them. We also explored what declarative language is versus imperative language, as well as the relationship between co-regulation and declarative language and why we should use them together.
This is a conversation that will truly change the way you think about how you communicate with your children. And I have a feeling you'll walk away from this listen with some easy ways to start playing with this in your day-to-day life. And now here is my conversation with Linda. Hey Linda, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm sure that many of my listeners are familiar with you and your work, but would you in your own words introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about what you do in the world and then your why for doing that work?
Yeah, depends how far back I wanna go, but probably every part in my journey has mattered. Like currently I'm a speech language pathologist and an RDI or relationship development intervention consultant. And I got my master's in speech language pathology way back. Barry Prazant was one of my professors. So the seeds of what he teaches has always been with me. And I value very much all his family-centered work and ideas presented, for example, in Uniquely Human and even his articles way back from Autism Spectrum Quarterly. Like I I really appreciate those in his teachings. And that's my foundation. And then I found RDI a little bit after grad school. And what I love that that brought was just Fa just even more so family centered practice and how to really include caregivers as partners in all that we do.
as well as natural environment, learning opportunities and just how to do things on the ground. So even taking theory, all these theoretical things out there and research and how to apply them on the ground with individuals that we work with. And then if I may, if you don't mind, I'll even go a little bit further back. In college, I was a math major, so I wasn't in this field at all. But after college I worked with autistic adults and kind of found my calling in speech language pathology there. And I have always felt that my mathematical or analytical brain just kind of helped helps me I view things analytically, but also I'm a very my heart is a big part of the work that I do. So just trying to bring always bring all those pieces together, caring, but also thinking about things systematically and
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is declarative language and why is it important for parenting neurodivergent children?
0:00–9:11
2
How does Linda Murphy define declarative language versus imperative language?
9:11–14:01
3
Why is pairing declarative language with co‑regulation more effective than using either alone?
14:01–20:21
4
What common everyday phrases unintentionally place demands on kids?
20:21–25:51
5
How can parents start using declarative language in low‑stakes moments?
25:51–30:06
6
What are concrete examples of declarative vs. imperative statements for routine tasks?
30:06–35:27
7
What realistic expectations and long‑term outcomes can families expect from this approach?
35:27–40:17
8
Where can listeners find Linda Murphy’s resources and continue learning?
40:17–42:50
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids