TPP 324a: A Conversation about Declarative Language and Co-Regulation, with Linda Murphy
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
41 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 9 hours ago
Transcript
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Debbie. This month on Playback Fridays, we're revisiting conversations about self-regulation and co-regulation, two of the most powerful tools we have for changing the energy in our homes and creating more connection during the moments that feel the hardest. Welcome to Tilled Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids.
What is declarative language and why is it important for parenting?
I'm your host, Debbie Rieber, and I have a great episode for you today. For the past few years, I've been hearing about this concept called declarative language. And although I had an idea of what it was, after reading my guest Linda Murphy's Declarative Language Handbook, I couldn't wait to bring her on the show because it offers yet another transformational tool for our Parenting Differently Wired Kids toolbox. Linda describes declarative language as a positive, thoughtful, communication. Communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness. And as you'll hear from our conversation, it is an ideal communication style for neurodivergent kids and those whose nervous systems are triggered by demands or more imperative communication styles.
Linda brings decades of experience as a speech language pathologist who has been working with individuals with social learning differences. Our conversation. We discuss the different ways we can communicate with our children and the effects that simple shifts in the way we have conversations can have in our daily interactions with them. We also explored what declarative language is, as well as the relationship between co-regulation and declarative language, and why we should use them together. And now here is my conversation with Linda. Hey Linda, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm sure that many of my listeners are familiar with you and your work, but would you in your own words introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about what you do in the world and then your why for doing that work?
Yeah, depends how far back I wanna go, but probably every part in my journey has mattered. Like currently I'm a speech language pathologist and an RDI or relationship development intervention consultant. And I got my master's in speech language pathology way back. Barry Prazant was one of my professors. So the seeds of what he teaches has always been with me. And I value very much all his family-centered work and ideas presented, for example, in Uniquely Human and even his articles way back from Autism Spectrum Quarterly. Like I I really appreciate those and his teachings and that's my foundation. And then I found RDI a little bit after grad school. And what I love that that brought was just Fa just even more so family centered practice and how to really include caregivers as partners in all that we do.
as well as natural environment, learning opportunities and just how to do things on the ground. So even taking theory, all these theoretical things out there in research and how to apply them on the ground with individuals that we work with. And then if I may, if you don't mind, I'll even go a little bit further back. In college, I was a math major, so I wasn't in this field at all. But after college I worked with autistic adults and kind of found my calling in speech language pathology there. And I have always felt that my mathematical or analytical brain just kind of helped helps me I view things analytically, but also I'm a very my heart is a big part of the work that I do. So just trying to bring always bring all those pieces together, caring, but also thinking about things systematically and
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:53
2
What is declarative language and why is it important for parenting?
0:53–6:48
3
How does declarative language differ from imperative (demand‑based) language?
6:48–11:58
4
Why is pairing declarative language with co‑regulation so powerful?
11:58–17:43
5
Which children (neuro‑divergent, PDA, ADHD, etc.) benefit most from this approach?
17:43–24:10
6
What realistic changes can parents expect when they start using declarative language?
24:10–28:32
7
How can I practice declarative language in everyday moments (e.g., laundry, bedtime)?
28:32–33:16
8
What simple steps can overwhelmed parents take to begin using this style?
33:16–41:55
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids