TPP 350: Showing Up with Agency, Personal Choice, and Intention, with Dr. Amy Hoyt

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Dr. Amy Hoyt 0:00
I can't control anyone or anything outside of myself, especially my children, as we all know. And that can feel really disempowering. I have choices internally. I can choose how I think about a situation. I can choose how I talk about a situation. I can think about how I label a particular child or don't label them. There are so many choices that we have throughout the day that are micro choices. And the brain does not reject small decisions because it it doesn't feel threatened. And so in that sense, I feel like it's actually very powerful to find choice. in the internal ways that we are Grappling. with our unique situations.
Debbie Reber 0:49
I'm Debbie Reber and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. A concept we have explored a lot on this show and in the Tilt community is agency. And always in the context of how to scaffold and support our kids in developing agency, we're helping them have a bigger sense of control and autonomy in their lives. But guess what? We, the parents and caregivers in our kids' lives, we need agency too. And in this conversation, we're going to be exploring how to expand our own sense of agency and personal choice so we can show up more intentionally to our daily lives as parents. And to talk with us all about this is Dr.
Debbie Reber 1:34
Amy Hoyt, a mom of five children, three of whom are differently wired, and a specialist choose. been working in the field of trauma for 10 years as a researcher of mass trauma and individual trauma. Amy is the founder of Mending Trauma, a digital mental health platform dedicated to helping women recover from trauma and PTSD, and is an author, podcaster, and speaker who is passionate about helping others learn skills that allow them to parent and live with intention and agency. During this conversation, you'll hear us talk about what agency and choice look like in the context of parenting and how micro choices can help us develop an internal locus of control, which is critical for us to have. Amy also gave us a few short, easy practices we can do that will help us strengthen our sense of agency as well as reset our nervous system, which for so many of us is in need of support, especially if we tend to operate
Debbie Reber 2:28
In a more hypervigilant state due to stressors in our parenting lives. And because Amy is an expert in trauma, we actually begin this conversation by talking about how residual trauma in adults can be triggered by our parenting journey, as well as how it might show up, especially when we're raising differently wired kids and we may be differently wired ourselves. And on that note, a quick trigger warning. In the beginning of this conversation, Amy shares why working in trauma is something she felt called to do and as part of that talks about abuse she experienced as a child. So please take care of yourself if that's a subject that is difficult for you. So, a deep important topic for today. Let's dive into agency, control, and trauma with Dr.
Debbie Reber 3:12
Amy Hoyt. Hey Amy, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much,
Dr. Amy Hoyt 3:21
Debbie. I'm really excited to be here.
Debbie Reber 3:24
You reached out to me a couple months ago and I hear from a lot of people as you might imagine. And I always explore their work and I checked out your website and the work that you're doing in the world just seems so interesting and relevant to my community. So I think we're gonna have a very interesting dialogue today. So thank you first of all for reaching out to me. I've read your bio already, but I always want guests to put their story in. into context and kind of share. their personal why or how they came to be doing the work that they're doing in the world. So anything you want to share would be really lovely.
Dr. Amy Hoyt 3:57
Sure, absolutely. Well, I think my origin story typically starts when I was eight years old and I experienced abuse in my childhood home and it was a foster brother who had been brought in to live with us. And so I was sexually abused at a young age. And that really set me on a trajectory of what we now know was severe nervous system dysregulation.

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