TPP 354: Strategic Parenting Expert Heather Chauvin on Beating Parenting Overwhelm
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
45 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 2 days ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the “dying to be a good mother” syndrome and why do many mothers experience it?
It's always this push-pull every single day of my life. But it's that boundary of like, if I let go of myself completely. I know that that is going to negatively impact your life to my children, to every human that I love and care for. And I won't do that for them because I know they're not gonna love it when I'm angry, resentful, miserable, and I'm blaming them for how I feel. So the dying to be good is dying to be good for everyone else. And when my physical body was letting go, I realized. It wasn't a conscious choice that I was like, give, give, give, like yes. I just didn't have female role models that were like, honey, you need to make time for your physical body or you are not going to survive this.
I'm Debbie Rieber and welcome to Tilled Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. Today I'm happy to be sharing a rich conversation with strategic parenting coach Heather Chauvin about the plight many mothers of neurodivergent kids find themselves in, prioritizing everyone else's needs over their own, and why it's so critical that we get out of this pattern. This is a deeply personal topic for Heather. The way she describes it, by living in survival mode as a parent to her three kids, she was robbing herself of joy, robbing her kids of joy by not being a present parent, and robbing her loved ones of fulfilling relationships.
And then in 2013, the universe got her attention when Heather was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Going through that unexpected journey pushed Heather. To take a deeper stand for change and explore how cultural expectations sabotage our dreams. I wanted to bring Heather on the show for this conversation because I hear from so many mothers who are in various stages of struggle in their parenting lives, pouring everything into their kids, running on fumes, sacrificing so much, putting incredible pressure on themselves to do it all and do it well. Yet, as much as we love our kids, And we want to be their safe place, we can't do that unless we are being that for ourselves first. Through her work, Heather has helped women realize that their needs are just as important and that 10 minutes daily can make a difference if you're open to change.
Heather started her career as a social worker helping adults understand children's behavior. And today she's dedicated to helping women courageously and authentically live, work, and parent on their own. Terms. She's also the author of the book Dying to Be a Good Mother and the host of the popular podcast Emotionally Uncomfortable. During this conversation, we talked about what dying to be a good mother syndrome is and why so many mothers suffer from it, why trusting yourself can be the best ally in parenting, and how to approach choosing yourself when you think you don't have the time. And even though this episode is framed for mothers, it's a good listen for anyone who is a caregiver, especially if you've been feeling like your energy is low or frantic, and that that has become the norm.
I hope you enjoyed this conversation. Hey Heather, welcome to the podcast. Hello, Debbie. I'm excited to have this conversation. I am too. I know this is going to be one of those conversations that I hope listeners can just kind of lean into. And before I hit record, I'm like, I really want people to feel like they're just hanging out with us having a coffee because this is gonna be a real conversation. We're gonna be focusing on motherhood, which we don't really do a lot on this show. I tend to talk about parenting in general. I've done a couple of mom specific episodes. And I've done maybe two dad specific episodes. So I'm just putting that out there now for listeners. We're gonna be talking about motherhood, although I think everyone's gonna benefit from this conversation.
Now that I'm done with that initial rambling, tell us a little bit about what you're doing right now, like the way that you're showing up in the world today.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the “dying to be a good mother” syndrome and why do many mothers experience it?
0:00–7:22
2
How did Heather’s stage‑4 cancer diagnosis change her view on parenting and self‑care?
7:22–12:57
3
Why is trusting your intuition considered the most powerful tool for parenting?
12:57–17:40
4
What practical steps does Heather recommend for mothers to start choosing themselves?
17:40–24:45
5
How can a daily 10‑minute habit transform a parent’s energy and mindset?
24:45–28:43
6
What strategies does Heather use to set boundaries and prevent burnout?
28:43–33:53
7
How does the “wouldn’t it be nice if” journal prompt help parents clarify their needs?
33:53–38:37
8
Where can listeners find Heather’s book, podcast, and free resources to continue the work?
38:37–45:04
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids