TPP 388: Yshai Boussi on Polyvagal and Supporting Connected Relationships with Teens
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
45 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 day ago
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What is Polyvagal Theory and how does it explain teen behavior?
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A lot of our kids, like even if they're behaving well and doing what they're supposed to be doing, they're still very activated or they're shut down internally, their nervous systems are. And that that affects the way their story, the way they think about us, the way they think about themselves. You know, when a kid will say, But you yelled at me. It was moments that every parent's had, but I didn't yell at you. Like I yelled at you two weeks ago, maybe. That was fair. But this time you're saying I yelled and I really did not yell. Well, their story is that you yelled because that interaction came when they were activated. So it changes it affects their story about reality.
I'm Debbie Rieber, and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm extremely interested in Dr. Stephen Portis's polyvagal theory and the context it offers for understanding the nervous system experience of our kids. So I was especially interested when my guest's book, Sting Connected with Your Teen, Polybagel. Parenting strategies to reduce reactivity, set limits, and build authentic connection came onto my radar. The author of that book, Ishai Busi, is the founder of Portland Family Counseling, a therapy practice that specializes in helping children, adolescents, families, and parents.
His focus is mentoring at-risk youth, working in residential treatment facilities, and leading intensive experiential workshops for at-risk. Youth, and Ishai is adept at applying polymagal theory to helping parents foster deeper connection and reduce conflict. So in this conversation today, Ishai and I discussed how to build and maintain supportive relationships with teens, the crucial difference between acceptance and agreement when validating a teen's emotional experience, the power of co-regulation, and how a child's state of regulation affects their story. story and meaning making about themselves and their experiences. So many great takeaways in this one, I will admit to sending the rough cut to my husband, Darren, to listen to, I found so much of what we discussed super interesting and relevant.
Whether you have a teenager or a soon-to-be teen or are simply seeking a deeper connection with your kids, this episode is packed with invaluable insights. I hope you enjoy it. Hey Ishai, welcome to the podcast.
Thanks for having me, Debbie. It's great to be here.
Yeah, I was so intrigued when I heard about your book. We're big fans of the polyvagal theory over here at Till Parenting. And then to read that you're talking about polyvagal parenting strategies specifically with teens ticked so many boxes for me. So I'm excited to get into it. But I'd love if you could start us off by telling us a little bit more beyond the bio, the work that you do in the world and maybe. Maybe a little bit about why you got so intrigued with doing this work.
Yeah, happy to. I like a lot of young people, I fell into this work on accident. When I was in my early twenties, I was actually a business major in college and had this corporate job in retail. And then I just randomly was talking to a friend. I was looking for some volunteer work or something to do, and they introduced me to this mentoring program of working with at-risk youth. And that's where I started and it was very Very immersive. And I found it incredibly rewarding, but also just interesting. The work that there's a personal development component I've always been drawn to. And this age, 13, 14, I found it challenging, but also really fun. I connected really well. I got sucked in and then I quit the corporate job.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is Polyvagal Theory and how does it explain teen behavior?
0:00–5:25
2
How did Yshai Boussi’s personal journey lead him to work with at‑risk youth?
5:25–9:31
3
Why do today’s teens feel disconnected and how can parents address it?
9:31–14:08
4
What is the PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) attitude of connection?
14:08–17:47
5
How does co‑regulation help a teen move from a dysregulated state to a calm one?
17:47–22:16
6
What’s the difference between accepting a teen’s feelings and agreeing with them?
22:16–26:45
7
How can parents manage their own worry so it doesn’t undermine teen connection?
26:45–31:18
8
What practical steps can families create a supportive environment for teens?
31:18–45:08
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids