TPP 394: Parent Lean-In — How Can I Help My Child Be More Flexible & Less Argumentative?
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
18 min
2 speakers
3 chapters
transcribed 15 hours ago
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I'm Debbie Rieber and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I get a lot of questions from listeners looking for help navigating complex situations with their kids. So in this new mini-episode format, I'll be answering listener questions, sometimes all on my own, sometimes with one of the parent coaches from the Differently Wired Club, and sometimes with an author or expert who's become a trusted resource. Think of these bite-sized, short and sweet parent lean-in episodes as a quick check-in. one answer featuring strategies, tips, or reframes that can support you in your parenting world.
To submit a question for a parent lean-in episode, just go to tiltparenting.com slash lean in. That's tiltparenting.com slash L-E-A-N-I-N. Alright, here's today's episode. Hey everybody. Joining me for today's parently then episode is educator and friend of the pod, Zach Morris of Alive at Learn. Zach specializes in working with parents and young adults who are navigating the complex dynamics of neurodivergent experience. Zach's uniquely equipped to serve families with profiles of autism, especially PDA, families that are navigating trauma, and families who are needing to heal and repair relationships. He's also a parent coach in my Differently Wired Club. I think he's the perfect person to join me for this particular question.
So I'm excited to get into it, but. Hey Zach, happy to have you here.
Yeah. Hey Debbie, thanks for having me.
Of course. I think we should just get into it. Yeah. This is a juicy question. Okay. How can I help my child be more flexible and less argumentative? My eight-year-old child has ADHD autism and is gifted. He thrives on structure, routine, and schedules. He does well in school, but home life is less than ideal. Every time we go on a school break, such as Thanksgiving, summer break, everything unravels. Everything has to go his way for him to be happy, and he melts down over the slightest disappointment, telling him no. Seems to create a stress response, as does encouraging him to take deep breaths, go to his room, or do any sort of calming activity. When I research emotional regulation, I often see tips like deep breathing and calm spaces.
Unfortunately, these only seem to aggravate my son more and have the opposite effect. I believe that his extreme rigidity is his way of controlling his environment and making it predictable. While I understand that, I'm not sure if I understand his need to do that, I'm left at a loss of how to help him. How can you teach the skill of flexibility? Good question, Zach. And I I'm gonna hand the baton over to you.
Yes. Okay. Yes. I uh I think probably resonates for a lot of families. Um You know, and the first thing I want to say is is that I see flexibility as Sort of a manifestation of being in our social engagement system. And And what I mean by that is that that sort of part of our nervous system where I'm in my window of tolerance, I can attune to people in some way, I can be flexible, I can think abstractly, right? Like all of these things. And And in order to be in that part of our nervous system, right, this social engagement part of our nervous system, we have to have a certain sense of safety online, right? And so So I it if we look at flexibility sort of through that lens, I think it becomes sort of less about teaching flexibility and more about helping our children experience more moments of co-regulation and more moments of being in their social engagement system.
And uh To develop a sense of like when I'm leaving that space, when I'm leaving that socially engaged space.
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Chapters
3 chaptersSpeakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids