TPP 402: Parent Lean-In: How Can I Help My Autistic Child with Low Self-Esteem?
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
16 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 8 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the listener’s question about an autistic child with low self‑esteem?
I'm Debbie Reber, and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I get a lot of questions from listeners looking for help navigating complex situations with their kids. So in this new mini episode format, I'll be answering listener questions, sometimes all on my own, sometimes with one of the parent coaches from the Differently Wired Club, and sometimes with an author or expert who's become a trusted resource. Think of these bite-sized, short and sweet Parent Lean In episodes as a quick check-in. One question, one answer, featuring strategies, tips, or reframes that can support you in your parenting world.
To submit a question for a Parent Lean In episode, just go to tiltparenting.com slash lean in. That's tiltparenting.com slash l-e-a-n-i-n. All right, here's today's episode. Hey, everybody. Today, I am joined by parent coach Margaret Webb for a Parent Leading episode. And if you've listened to this show for a while, you've definitely heard me talk about Margaret. She's a dear friend. She was my very first parenting coach. She's the lead parent coach in my Differently Wired Club, where she provides a ton of support for that community. She's also the author of a phenomenal book, A Hero's Journey in Parenting, Parenting the Child You Didn't Expect When You Were Expecting. That is a book any parent on this journey should read.
So welcome, Margaret. Thank you so much for being here today. I'm so excited to be here. Yeah, we always have fun doing this. So me too. And today we're going to tackle a really good question. I'm pretty confident some aspects of this will resonate with many listeners. So the question is, how to help a kid who has low self esteem. He also says that he's used to being alone at recess and denies any impact. I don't know how to handle this. I don't pressure him. But I wonder if he is suffering as a result. And I have a little context for this question.
How can alone time be a sign of self‑regulation rather than low self‑esteem?
This is an eight year old who's going to school who's diagnosed as autistic. So Let's take our quick break now so that when we get back, we can just kind of answer and provide all of our insights. So we'll be right back. Okay. So again, we are going to be talking about how to help an autistic child, an eight-year-old who has low self-esteem. The child says that he's used to being alone and says it doesn't really bother him. And the parent doesn't know how to handle this. And she doesn't want to pressure him, but is wondering if he's suffering as a result. So Margaret, I'm going to ask you to kick us off today.
I would love to. I taught eight year olds. So when I saw this, you know, it was something that I really read, you know, like, just I could see the picture of what was going on. And one of the things that comes up time and again is, especially with kids who are autistic, sometimes they need time to regulate and time to not have to be on. So perhaps There are times when he's by himself, when he's alone. And we can look at that and think, oh, he has low self-esteem or he's not being social or there's other issues going on. But that might be a time for him to regulate, for him to just be able to be in his mind, thinking about what he wants to think about. And when you're in school, there's not a lot of time for that.
And so that might look like them sitting alone at lunch. Them sitting alone at recess. Anytime there's time for socialization that they might just kind of pull off and sit by themselves. They might choose to breathe and it might look like, you know, they have low self-esteem. But one of the questions that I have for this person is like, what are the indicators that of them having low self-esteem because that can be our interpretation as a parent of, you know, oh, like they're not out with their peers. They're not like running around playing with people. But again, that might be them needing to self-regulate or them just wanting to just be in their heads. And if there are things, if there are indicators of low self-esteem, my question then would be, what are their interests?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the listener’s question about an autistic child with low self‑esteem?
0:02–2:07
2
How can alone time be a sign of self‑regulation rather than low self‑esteem?
2:07–4:48
3
What is the “window‑shade age” and how does it affect a child’s self‑image?
4:48–7:25
4
How do you spot genuine signs of low self‑esteem versus a need to recharge?
7:25–9:42
5
Why is fluency in a child’s emotional language crucial for parents?
9:42–12:19
6
What strategies build stable self‑esteem instead of inflated confidence?
12:19–14:30
7
How can everyday praise and “self‑esteem deposits” reinforce a child’s value?
14:30–15:51
8
What final advice does Margaret give parents feeling pressure about their child’s confidence?
15:51–16:23
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids