TPP 459: Bryan Post on Navigating Trauma in Parenting & the Healing Power of Love
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
43 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 day ago
Transcript
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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I'm Debbie Reber, and this is Full Tilt Parenting. I have a really powerful episode for you today as I am talking with Brian Post. He's a leading expert in child behavior, adoption, trauma, and love-based parenting. Brian truly brings a unique lens to this work. Not only has he spent over two decades helping families navigate challenging behaviors and trauma, but he's also a former foster child himself. He's the founder of Fear to Love. The Post Institute for Family Centered Therapy and Bonafy.ai. And he's impacted thousands of families around the world through his teachings, his books, and his online platforms. In this conversation, Brian will share his fear-to-love method and stress model, which help parents move from reactivity to connection by understanding behavior as communication.
So we talk about how fear shows up in our parenting, why love and regulation Are the antidotes and what it really looks like to shift from control to compassion, especially when our kids are struggling. This is a really heartfelt, heart-centered conversation. It's full of insight, compassion, and real tools. And a reminder, if you're listening to this and you'd rather watch it, you can head over to the Full Tilt Parenting YouTube channel where you can subscribe to watch all of my podcast conversations. Oh, and just a quick heads up before we get started. This episode does include mentions of child neglect and sexual abuse. So please do what you need to do to take care of yourself if this content feels too activating for you.
All right, and now here is my conversation with Brian Post. Hey Brian, welcome to the podcast.
Thank you, Debbie. Glad to be here with you.
I'm glad to explore all kinds of interesting topics with you today. I was very intrigued when I learned about your work and your focus.
What is Bryan Post’s “Fear‑to‑Love” method and how does it help parents understand child behavior?
And I think it there's so much overlap within what my listeners are or maybe experiencing in their families and with their kiddos. So as a way to kick us off, would you talk a little bit about the work that you do in the world and the specific area that you've really honed in on as being where you feel your purpose is.
So I've spent the last twenty five years specializing in trauma adoption and foster care specifically. And I always say that the message that I that I teach and preach is applicable to all human relationships because it applies to all of us. And so really it is about taking a deep understanding of how Stress shows up within ourselves, and how that manifests in fear, and how our children's behavior is driven by stress and fear. And when we see their behaviors, if we're not aware of our own stress and our own fear, then we end up parenting them from a state of fear. And then that just creates a a self-perpetuating negative feedback loop. And so my really for better part of 25 years has just been about helping people to understand the dynamic of stress and fear in relationships and how ultimately
We have to move to a place of love because love is the most powerful healing force that exists and it is the thing that binds relationships together.
And what do you specifically to be helping parents in this work with kids?
So I was adopted as an infant. And I was in foster care for a short period of time, and I also had a sister who was adopted. We were not biological. Our parents were unable to have their own children. And so they wanted their own children, and they brought us in, and they were loving, amazing parents. However, they both came from a background of trauma and they didn't realize it in the 70s. You're not thinking about trauma, you just realize that you've lived through life. They were both children of alcoholics.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–2:14
2
What is Bryan Post’s “Fear‑to‑Love” method and how does it help parents understand child behavior?
2:14–10:37
3
How does trauma and stress shape the behavior of adopted and foster children?
10:37–17:40
4
Why are love and emotional safety more effective than punishment for behavior regulation?
17:40–23:01
5
What role does oxytocin play in parent‑child connection and stress regulation?
23:01–28:55
6
How can parents use breathing and self‑regulation to break the stress‑feedback loop?
28:55–34:05
7
What are “little‑T” traumas and how can parents spot subtle signs of trauma in their kids?
34:05–38:57
8
How does unexpressed grief fuel chronic stress and affect children’s emotional age?
38:57–43:37
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids