TPP 490: Debbie & Sheryl Stoller Explore What to Do When Our Own Fear Gets in the Way
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
18 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed just now
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the core issue of parental fear and anxiety affecting kids?
I'm Debbie Reber, and this is Full Tilt Parenting. And today we're gonna be talking about something that many of us wrestle with, but we don't always talk about it out loud. And that is the impact of our own fear and anxiety on kids. This is actually a short bite-sized mini episode, just long enough to offer a quick nugget to reflect on and carry with you into your day. But I was actually about to record a solo episode when Cheryl Stoller, she's a friend, a colleague, a parent coach in my Differently Wired Club community, she sent me an email yesterday. And the sentiment behind it really stayed with me because it put into such simple, clear language the very real impact that our fears about our kids' potential or their future can have on them.
And so I asked, would you mind jumping into my record studio so we can just talk this through a bit? And luckily, she said yes. So Cheryl Stoller is a PCI certified parent coach, and she's been supporting parents of gifted and twice exceptional kids since 2009, bringing both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. In this short conversation, we're going to explore how parental anxiety shapes family dynamics, why regulating our own nervous systems is such a powerful gift we can offer our kids, and how empathy, validation, and community support can help us truly move from fear. and toward connection. Oh, and because this is such a short episode, I'm actually going to pause for ad breaks right now.
And when we get back, we'll get right to our conversation.
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Maybe it's Maybelline. Hey Cheryl, thank you for joining me on the show today. Oh, I'm so delighted to be
here,
Debbie. I'm just going to say for listeners too, we've known each other for many years and we get to work together and you're part of the Differently Wired Club coaching community and you support parents so beautifully in there. And so just to kind of set us up, you emailed me over the weekend as I was working on another episode and you kind of shared something that you were working on and that came up for you and a pattern that you've been noticing. And it really piqued my interest and also really resonated. So now I'm kind of being really mysterious, but I'm going to ask you, would you kind of share with the listeners what you shared with me and why you wanted to reach out to me about it in the first place?
Yeah. I think it's about fear, fear, which comes out in terms of anxiety. It comes out in other ways. And I'm part of my free webinar on unhooking from anxiety.
How does Sheryl describe the way parental fear shows up as anxiety in children?
I summarize what's been going on for clients and how I would summarize it is in essence, the kids are saying, don't you dare be afraid for me because of my own parent is afraid. What chance do I have? And that pattern across my clients over the years, 16 years of coaching plus friends, and it's just so foundational. And the dilemma is we are innately wired to have fear to protect our offspring, to make sure they survive. And so it feels like it's asking the impossible. Paradox is it's not.
Right.
It's the best way we can equip them is to deal with our fear outside of the moments, all the resources we can bring to bear on it, so that in the moment they feel our confidence that this is just a phase. Not a phase. This is a process.
Right. So I think what struck me so much in the note that you sent to me was, you know, we work with parents, right, all the time. And we talk about fear a lot. I talk about fear a lot in the TILT community as well. And, of course, we recognize that our own fear can kind of... you know, subconsciously seep into our kids and impact how we show up with them and the language we use and that they are really attuned to us.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the core issue of parental fear and anxiety affecting kids?
0:02–2:56
2
How does Sheryl describe the way parental fear shows up as anxiety in children?
2:56–5:39
3
Why is regulating our own nervous system a powerful gift for our kids?
5:39–8:02
4
What practical steps can parents take in the moment when their nervous system spikes?
8:02–10:12
5
How can zooming out and adopting a broader perspective calm parental fear?
10:12–13:04
6
What role does community and shared support play in easing parental anxiety?
13:04–15:36
7
How can empathy, validation, and compassionate language help a scared child?
15:36–17:39
8
Where can listeners find additional resources and coaching from Sheryl?
17:39–18:45
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids