DR JULE: The Relationship Advice You NEED to Hear | GREAT MOMENTS
episodePreviously titled “Dr Julie: The Relationship Advice You NEED to Hear | GREAT MOMENTS” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 2, 2026
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hello, everyone. I'm Jamie Lang, and this is Great Moments. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Great Moments. Now, today, we're looking back on my conversation with the wonderful Dr. Julie. Now, Dr. Julie is a clinical psychologist who has an incredible gift for taking the things we all struggle with silently and instantly making them make sense. Now, when I read her book, it kind of opened up my mind to so many things. And in this great moment, she opens up about how our inner child might be sabotaging our love lives and why leaning into the difficult conversations is the most important thing you can do for our relationships. So here it is. Our next episode of Great Moments with Dr. Julie.
So if we are in a relationship, which lots of people listening probably are, and they're struggling to communicate with their partner or their partner is not really understanding what their partner is trying to tell them, how do you fix that? How do you make sure that communication works? Because I always believe that relationships, unless there's cheating or whatever go on, but relationships break down because the communication is right. One side is not understanding the other. So how do you sort that out?
I think something that probably goes wrong is when people avoid the difficult conversations. That if we know something's going to bring up emotion or it's going to be a little bit testy or heated, then we avoid it and we cover it over. And those sorts of things, that tendency to do that is... is a bit like trying to hold air under water. Like it will always find its way to the surface, but when you least expect it. So if you're, I often do this exercise in therapy actually with people where, I can probably do it with the book actually. So if you put your hand on the other side and just push against me, So if you imagine that is a kind of a bunch of feelings or issues that you don't really want to deal with, it's uncomfortable.
And so you don't, right? You just hold it at arm's length. You can carry on with the rest of your day and you're pushing it away.
So we're holding, so for people listening, you're pushing one side of the book, I'm pushing the other side of the book.
I'm all the shit you don't want to have.
What insights does Dr. Julie Smith share about childhood experiences and adult relationships?
I'm all the thoughts and the feelings or the difficulties in your relationship that you don't really want to deal with. And I'm trying to be in your head. And so you have to keep pushing back to keep me at bay. So now if we said, okay, end of this, go about the rest of your day. And I'm just going to be doing this all day. And it would be difficult to kind of focus on stuff, but also when you get tired or you let your guard down, this is going to come flying over and hit you in the face. So that's when all the difficult emotions suddenly hit us and we feel absolutely overwhelmed because we've been holding it back for so long. And then something's happened, we've let our guard down and it's just like opened the floodgates.
Right. So now if we take that and this time, if you just hold your hand out and it's the same stuff you don't want to have, same uncomfortable stuff, but I'm just going to hold it there for you. You're just going to just carry it with you. So if now we said, okay, end of the session, you go about the rest of your day, but you just keep that with you. That would feel fundamentally different, right?
Feels different. Yeah.
So you would be more able to engage in conversation, do your work, your arm's going to be less tired. And you still get to choose to look down. It's still there, but you get to choose when you consider it and when you think about it and when you work on it. But you're also free to do all the other stuff, whereas it's not waiting to hit you in the face as soon as you let your guard down.
How can we improve communication in our relationships?
So it's that kind of difference of if you're not pushing stuff away, if you're willing to hold it, it doesn't fight against you so much.
But Julie, but some people find it so tricky to have those conversations.
Oh, yeah.
And it's so hard, right?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:02–2:13
2
What insights does Dr. Julie Smith share about childhood experiences and adult relationships?
2:13–3:30
3
How can we improve communication in our relationships?
3:30–5:19
4
What strategies can help us tackle difficult conversations?
5:19–16:26
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Great Company with Jamie Laing
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