Hidden Brain
Relationships 2.0: Why Did You Do That? + Your Questions Answered: Fred Luskin on Grudges
Mon, 21 Apr 2025
As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray. In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind." *How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds. *Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.
What is theory of mind and why is it called a mental superpower?
This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam. All parents have moments when their kids test their patience. Lian Yang is no exception.
I often yell at my kids for things that they did by accident, like spilling a smoothie or leaving a cap off of a permanent marker and, you know, making black permanent stains all over the sofa.
When this happens and the couch is covered in black splotches or there's smoothie on the floor, the perpetrators inevitably offer this defense.
It was an accident.
It's not my fault. I didn't mean to do it. I shouldn't say this, but I tell them it doesn't matter that you didn't mean to do it. What matters is that you won't do it again.
Leanne's reaction, while understandable, is deeply ironic. She's a psychologist who studies how we read other people's intentions.
We need to think about other people's minds in order to figure out who our friends are, who to avoid, whom to punish, whether to punish. And we need to read people's intentions in any ordinary interaction, like having a conversation and figuring out what to say and how to respond.
As we go through life, we are constantly making sense of people's actions by interpreting their intentions. Our ability to read what is happening in other people's minds is like an invisible compass guiding us through life. But sometimes it leads us astray. We misread other people's intentions, especially when we're angry or hurt.
In the last few weeks, in our Relationships 2.0 series, we've looked at the importance of human connection and how we can become better negotiators. If you missed those episodes, do check them out. This week on Hidden Brain, how our powers of observation allow us to navigate our social worlds until they don't. We are constantly trying to read other people's minds.
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