There's a strange kind of comfort in staying exactly where you are – even when that is hurting you. In this episode, I’m talking with clinical psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove, and we discuss why the familiar feels safe even when it isn't, and what it actually takes to find our way back to ourselves.An imprint I have - from watching the busy women in my family – was that if you're not doing three things at once, you're lazy. That's the thread Emily and I pulled on together. We both grew up watching women just go, go, go – and then spent years unravelling what that cost us. Emily talks about returning from holiday and instantly flipping into doing mode. I talk about the moment I realised my anxiety was actually working for me - keeping me safe from being seen.Her book Unstuck grew from that reckoning. We talk about secondary gains (the hidden payoff in staying the same), the concept of the near enemy of kindness, what perimenopause might really be releasing in us as women, and the childhood imprints that shape who we become – and who we pass that on to.We explore:How to start building compassion when “love yourself” feels like too big a leap - and why Emily starts with the inner critic, not against itThe dinner table analogy that reframes your relationship with your own harsh inner voiceWhy empathy and compassion aren’t the same thing - and which one protects people who hold space for others from burning outWhy we unconsciously stay in painful patterns – and the concept of secondary gains that explains more than we’d like to admitThe “near enemy” of kindness - how self-sacrifice quietly masquerades as a virtue[Recorded Remotely October 2025]About Dr Emily Musgrove:Dr Emily Musgrove is a clinical psychologist based in Perth with over a decade of experience helping people find their way back to themselves. She is the beloved resident psychologist on The Imperfects Podcast - where she draws on real conversations to offer evidence-based strategies people can actually use. Her book, Unstuck: A Guide to Finding Your Way Forward to the Life You Want to Live, was released in May 2025.Connect with Emily:Website: dremilymusgrove.comInstagram: @dremilymusgroveBook: Unstuck (available in print, ebook and audio)—Connect with Humans, being™:Web: humansbeing.auInstagram: @humansbeingwithlaelstoneFacebook: @humansbeingwithlaelstoneTikTok: @humansbeingwithlaelstoneYouTube: @humansbeingwithlaelstoneHumans, being™ is produced on the lands of the Bunurong and Wadawurrung people. We pay respect to their unique and diverse cultures and to elders past, present and future.

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