Chapter 1: What is the purpose of the 'Ill-Advised by Bill Nye' podcast?
Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, depending on where you are on the planet. Welcome to Ill-Advised by Bill Nye, the second season. Oh yeah. And the clue is in the title as always. And we are here to help you waste time in a creative way. We're here to help you squander a part of your day.
We're here to give you a break from everything and to be as inconsequential as it's possible for anyone to be. That's what's on offer. which is not nothing. The risk is, when you get to my age, is that you cannot infrequently be mistaken for somebody who knows what's happening or knows what to do.
You may have picked up a few things when you get to my age that are of use, like online shopping, parking. That's a laugh. I couldn't park a car now. I don't drive. I don't own a car. I was questioned by a journalist recently who said, is it true, which is always a bad start because it means, were you lying? He said, is it true that you don't own a car or a laptop? And I said, yeah, that's true.
And he said, well, that's very austere of you. I said, is it? He said, yeah. He said, because you're denying yourself all these luxuries. I couldn't quite get my head around why he would think owning a car was a luxury. I mean, I get it if you need a car. I don't need a car. But for me, I love not owning a car. I can't get enough of it. It's a real luxury for me not to own a car.
You don't have to put it anywhere. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to get it valeted. Maybe valeted should be on the banned word list. Anyway, I will attempt to answer your questions without actually making things worse. Let's have a listen.
Hello, Bill. Greg here from Massachusetts. I've noticed in more than one of your films that you're an exceptional dancer. To what do you attribute your Terpsichorean gifts? And do you have any advice for those of us less blessed?
Well, thank you, Greg from Massachusetts. That's a, that's really good to hear. I never feel that I've danced good in a film. I never watched the film, so I don't really know one way or the other, but I never feel like I've really got it down. Cause there, you know, like there are days you can dance and there are days when you can't dance so good or at all.
And I remember standing on the edge of a big dance floor, I had a big party once and it was like there was an invisible wall between me and the dance floor. I just couldn't move any further. And somebody came up behind me, a woman I didn't know. And she said, you're not dancing. And I said, no. And she said, is it vanity? And I said, Yeah, I think you're probably right. Yeah, it's vanity.
Because nobody required me to dance any good. I could have just gone on and enjoyed myself and thrown my limbs about, but... I couldn't bring myself to do it without being the greatest dancer that any of those people had ever seen. So therefore I was paralyzed because there was no chance of that. I once danced on a film and they told me to do it. And it was a day when I could really dance.
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Chapter 2: How does Bill feel about dancing in his films?
And I didn't know anything about football at the time. And he said, do you know what this is? I said, no. He said, this is a yellow card. Do you know what a yellow card is? I said, no, I don't know what a yellow card is. He said, two of these. The next one is red. And that means you're down the road. In other words, you're fired. And that's when I found out what yellow cards were in football.
But anyway, back to the plot. Dancing. Yeah, dancing. I think you should do it every day. The other good thing is close your eyes. Just close your eyes. I dare you. And get on early. Don't hang around. Don't wait. No one requires you to be any good. Just be honest. The other thing is, if you've procreated, it suddenly becomes dad dancing, which really gets to me.
i did some research and justin timberlake has children so there goes you know boom straight out the water you know i think fred astaire had a child i'm not sure about that perhaps listeners can confirm that for me so yeah but as soon as you have a child apparently your dancing goes out the window and you become a dad dancer no one ever says mum dancing
I've never heard anyone refer to mum dancing. It's just if you have a penis and you happen to have procreated. Anyway, I think it's unfair.
Hi Bill, this is Andrew from Lewisham. I've just bought a flat with a very, very small bathroom. Should I just have a shower because I only ever have showers? Or should I try and squeeze in a bath because everybody else seems to have baths? More generally, what are your thoughts on showers versus baths? Thanks.
Yeah, Andrew, I don't have a bath. Actually, I do have a bath. I never take a bath. I haven't taken a bath in 20 years. I take a shower. I don't really remember when that happened, but it was quite a long time ago. I used to soak in the bath like people do. I think it's largely now because I don't want to see myself that closely. Do you know what I mean?
It's like I avoid full length mirrors unless I'm, you know, dressed for the occasion. And similarly, I don't want to really lie in a bath and examine my body with any great scrutiny. And I do think that showers are probably more hygienic, no? I mean, because you wash the dirt off and it goes downwards and down the plug hole.
You don't luxuriate in whatever, if you'll pardon me, Andrew, whatever dirt you might have accumulated throughout the day. So I'm with you. Forget about it. Even if you had a big apartment, you don't need a bath unless you've got, you know, friends that come or whatever who require a bath. And then there's a whole other thing, you know, because you might want to bath with a friend.
And that's entirely, you know, that's your affair, Andrew. I wouldn't go into that plainly. Thank you.
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Chapter 3: What advice does Bill give for overcoming self-consciousness while dancing?
He said, no, you can't. I said, why not? He said, because you would be offending the great God Sartorius. And I said, well, I don't believe in God. And he said, well, you'd be offending me. And I said, well, you're not going to be wearing it or even be around when I'm wearing it. So anyway, in the end, he conceded. But the point being that you don't want most people
Tailors have an idea about a suit, but a good tailor tries to create what you tell him you want. So why don't you do some research and look at suits, get some pictures, make some decisions. You might want two vents. And just because it's over between you and I needn't deter you because we're probably almost certainly never going to meet.
And you might not want to turn up because you sound like a younger man and that's sometimes scary for younger men. I don't think a trouser is resolved without a turn up. I think it's just unfinished. And there may be other things that you would prefer to have. But don't let them ā I was once a prize. I didn't know I was a prize in a competition but I was a prize.
And I found out because I got on the plane and for once on the plane, I read the in-flight magazine, which I've never read before. I must have forgotten my book or something. And I opened it up and I was in there as a prize for a competition. And the prize was a suit fitting with me at a particularly famous tailor's, you know. And this young man who I had to accompany to the fitting said,
Had never had a suit before. And the people that were administering the fitting started to tell him kind of what he wanted. And I kept trying to say, is that what you want? But he hadn't done any research and he didn't know about suits. He probably, unless he'd won this competition, he probably would never have had a suit. So he didn't have any ideas of his own.
And the risk is you end up wearing somebody else's suit, as it were. So I suggest you make those decisions before you get to the tailor. And don't go anywhere famous, in other words expensive, where they put, you know, Ā£1,000 on for the postcode. And remember that reputations are almost always unreliable. Any decent tailor will make you a suit if you know what you want. So good luck out there.
Now it's time for our occasional or maybe even regular feature, I'm With The Band, in which people send in the name of the band they used to be in long ago and the lyrics to their signature song. Our very first I'm With The Band contribution comes from Sian. Sian is from Ottawa, Canada. I love it when we get messages from a really long way away.
And the band she was in, in 1979, they were called The Granola Girls. And the song, their signature song, was We're The Granola Girls. Which is great. Because you may remember that I was in a band called the Love Ponies. And our signature song was Hey, Hey, We're the Ponies. So, you know, we're already on a roll. And Sian says, not too original, but it was, everybody guess, it was ironic.
And the lyric is, we love, dash, our hennaed hair, comma, we wear, dash, kitten heels everywhere. Hippies are gone, exclamation. And we don't care, exclamation mark. It's a fabulous lyric. We are the granola girls, shouted, it says in brackets. It's a really, really, really, really groovy lyric. I love it. I wish I could hear it. This was our one hit wonder, says Sean, in grade 12.
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