Are you anxiously attached to attachment theory?
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What is attachment theory and why is it trending online?
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What is your read on attachment theory?
People are seeking out something that does have clinical research, that does
have some
basis in psychology, but it's sort of being manipulated and used, I think, for a lot of bad actors to gain something. What I want to know is how much of this is real, how much of this is somebody trying to get you to buy into their pyramid scheme, and what can we actually learn from attachment theory to help us understand relationships better? Hello, hello.
I'm Brittany Luce, and you're listening to It's Been a Minute from NPR, a show about what's going on in culture and why it doesn't happen by accident. Attachment theory is having a moment online. It's the concept that the relationship we have with our parents directly impacts how we relate to and interact with others, especially people we're in relationships with. Are we anxious? Are we avoidant? Can this be the reason that we keep getting our hearts broken? To get some insight into what's happening, we're joined by friend of the podcast and our guide to the modern dating world, NPR producer Manuela Lopez-Restrepo. Then we're joined by Dr. Marissa G. Franco, author of Worth, The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and Tatum Hunter, journalist and content creator to understand the science behind attachment theory.
and what everybody keeps getting wrong. Manuela, welcome back to It's Been a Minute.
Yeah, I'm really excited to be on camera. It's time to step it up a little bit, you know?
Now people can see you after you. I'm in 4D, baby. Yeah, so I want to just jump right in. Manuela, you told one of our producers that you wanted to talk about attachment theory. Tell us what's on your mind.
Listen, Brittany, I have a varied set of themes that I've talked about on this show. And one of the first episodes I did with you guys was talking about the fact that I'm a young woman dating around in New York City. And that comes with its trials and tribulations. A lot of failures, some small victories. And I have noticed that when the failures start piling up in my life, my algorithm seems to know. And so lately, I and anybody who is either in a relationship, seeking a relationship, or hears about relationships has been getting content related to attachment theory. Oh,
yes, yes, yes. I'm familiar with attachment theory. theory. But for people who aren't, do you have like a brief little overview, at least of how you see it come up online? Like, what do you see?
It's interesting because it's one of those things that I think this episode is going to get into that it started out maybe sort of an innocuous psychological term and has
sort of
morphed into something that can kind of be used to assign value to any behavior that you don't like that someone else is doing. One
of
those, yeah. I think it's fallen into the same pit as narcissist perhaps, unfortunately. It's sort of lost meaning. And my understanding of it is it's sort of this adaptation of childhood psychology into adult psychology. And
it
basically says that the way you are given care as an infant determines how you approach care and intimacy as an adult.
Okay. A lot of things I will say do just so we can be on the same page. A lot of things happen in between infancy and adult. Yeah, totally.
But I'm just thinking about the example they give of the child playing with the toys. Are you familiar with this?
No, no.
Okay. The experiment was that they had children playing with toys in a room with their mother nearby, and then they asked the mother to leave the room, and they documented the child's reaction to their mother leaving the room. So a child with a secure attachment style... Okay. Come back. Okay. Okay. heart rate will go up, freak out over it, worry that she's not going to come back because they don't have a sort of consistent understanding of she is a reliable person who's going to come back.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is attachment theory and why is it trending online?
0:00–10:03
2
How do early childhood attachment styles shape adult romantic relationships?
10:03–21:03
3
What are the main ways social media platforms are misusing attachment theory?
21:03–28:48
4
Why do mental‑health videos create a “doom loop” in TikTok’s algorithm?
28:48–36:11
5
How can creators responsibly talk about attachment styles without pathologizing?
36:11–44:07
6
What practical tools does Dr. Franco suggest for healing insecure attachment?
44:07–45:18