The embarrassing truth of dating men
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This message comes from the podcast Vibe Check. Join Saeed Jones and Zach Stafford as they make sense of what's going on in news and culture. Your favorite group chat come to life. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.
We are in a moment for pop music right now where there are so many young women making music that reflects how women are talking about dating these days, which is quite pessimistic. I think that the reception to some of the I love my man so much elements of the Taylor Swift album is evidence. I'm glad you brought up Taylor Swift. You're glad? I was like, I regretted that. No, go ahead.
Sorry.
If there's one thing you might take away from listening to some of the top songs on the charts lately, it's that the pop girlies are sick of men.
Here's a snippet from Sabrina Carpenter's Man Child.
Never heard of some kid Have your brain just ain't there And here's Olivia Deen's Man I Need. Come be the man I need Tell me you got something to give I want
What is heteropessimism and why is it significant today?
Okay, different vibes, but you could argue that these ideas, ranging from men are trash and men need to do better to please come through for me, please step up, are cut from a similar cloth. And NPR music editor Hazel Sills told me that this trend has a name.
Heteropessimism is basically the phenomenon of, like, expressing embarrassment or fatigue about being a heterosexual. It was also coined in 2019 by the writer Asa Saracen in an article for The New Inquiry. It often comes up, at least I see, in conversations from straight women around heterosexuality. You know, there are feelings about being in a heterosexual relationship.
And these different approaches coincide with a pretty significant shift in women's mindsets when it comes to romantic love. For instance, earlier this year, I saw so much chatter about a Wall Street Journal article titled, Are Women Giving Up on Marriage? We even discussed it on this very show. It was basically about how more women are choosing to be single. So I had to know, how has this strain of heteropessimism made its way into the top 40?
What role does Taylor Swift play in the current music landscape?
And what does it say about where heterosexual women are broadly with romance? Editor for NPR Music, Hazel Sills, is here to break it all down for us.
Thank you for having me.
Well, buckle up, y'all, because whether you're straight, queer, or anything in between, we are here to complain with you. Hello, hello. I'm Brittany Luce, and you're listening to It's Been a Minute from NPR, a show about what's going on in culture and why it doesn't happen by accident.
We're going to get into all of it in a minute. But first, I'm not going to lie. It's been a tough year for NPR and our local stations. But despite the loss of federal funding for public media and despite attacks on the free press, we are still here for you. And we will never shy away from exercising the critical right to editorial independence guaranteed by the First Amendment. And with your support, we will not be silent. If you're already an NPR Plus supporter, thank you so much. I see you and I'm grateful. If not, please join the community of public radio supporters right now, before the end of the year, at plus.npr.org. Signing up unlocks a bunch of perks, like bonus episodes and more from across NPR's podcasts.
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How are pop songs reflecting women's frustrations with men?
Visit plus.npr.org today. And I left you a link in the description of this episode. And of course, thank you. I wonder what makes this moment different from sort of previous iterations of men are trash. Even just thinking one example off the top of my head, like not to sound like a really annoying millennial and rather like hyperbolic about it, but like There are specific Destiny's Child lyrics that are burned into my brain. Yeah. You know?
No, yeah. No, it's interesting. So you bring up Destiny's Child. I think that this moment is sort of similar to the past, but also different. So when I hear this... group of young women singing about relationships i am reminded of that like late 90s early 2000s era of r&b when we got like we got like say my name we got no scrubs we got it's not right but it's okay we got like oh he wasn't man enough yes yes sorry i'm like screaming i'm like
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:16
2
What is heteropessimism and why is it significant today?
1:16–2:33
3
What role does Taylor Swift play in the current music landscape?
2:33–4:11
4
How are pop songs reflecting women's frustrations with men?
4:11–9:11
5
How is the trend of 'men are trash' music evolving?
9:11–12:46
6
What does the Wall Street Journal article reveal about women's views on marriage?
12:46–15:35