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Full Episode
Ready? One, two, three. That was pretty good. Pretty good to start the new year. Patriots and Gatriots and Natriots, we're heading into a new year. Unchartered waters and pumps will be your calm in the storm. And whenever you're in public and you see egregious violations that you would only see in Trump's America, do the following as loud as you can. That's what you do. Yeah.
It's just going to be a defense mechanism. And you might be the only one that knows what it is, but you'll feel better. Yeah. And people can look and be like, oh, that person's crazy. But you'll just know that there are an army of people on Asshole Island that support you and love you and that you just need to belt out from the rooftops to get through. All right. Pumps, what are we at it with?
2025. You know why? Because it's going to take a lot to get through the next four years.
Yeah.
I'm going to start by being a bigger dick, a bigger asshole. So I hate resolutions, but I have one. Okay. I like that. Your resolution is to be meaner. Right. My resolution is to be, I'm going to try to amp up. Michelle Obama, they go low, we go high. Right, right. They're going to go so low, we can't imagine how low. And so I'm going to strive to go lower. At every turn. At every turn. All right.
I like it. I'm totally on board with that. I think I'm going to... Dance around on the high road this new year. Really? Yeah. I'm going to be up there just taking the high road left and right. I'm going to try to be kinder. Instead of starting off each episode with a grievance, I'm going to start off with gratitude. Really? Something I have gratitude for. Yeah.
You know, they say you can't be stressed if you're thinking about what you're grateful for. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have no stress. And all I'm going to do is just vomit up gratitude and serenity. Gratitude. All of that stuff. Yeah. We should start reciting the beginning of every episode. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
You know how I feel about prayer. I know, but that's more of a, I don't really consider it a prayer. The serenity prayer? The serenity prayer. I mean, it says it's a prayer, but I think if it's more of like, it's a reminder that you're fucked and sometimes you just have to be fucked and accept that you're fucked. Anyway, I'm just kidding, you guys. I'm not going to start off each episode.
I was going to say that's going to be the shortest lived resolution in the history of all resolutions. I am not going to start off each episode with a gratitude list. Because quite frankly, I am not that grateful for many things. And in 2025, I want to point out more fuckery. And I want a lot of it to be focused on the find out phase that all these Trump voters fucked around with.
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