Purity Culture, Shame, & the Grace of God, #608
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What cultural moment inspired the original *And the Bride Wore White*?
Thanks for joining me for Job with Julie. I am Julie Slattery. This podcast is an outreach of authentic intimacy. It's a ministry dedicated to helping you make sense of God and sexuality. This week, I'm sitting down with a good longtime friend. She's an author, speaker. She and I actually co-wrote the book, Pulling Back the Shades. Of course, I'm talking about Dana Gresh. And we're going to be talking about the updated edition of her book that was called And the Bride Wore White. In this conversation, we're going to go back to the original release from the late 1990s and understand what the cultural moment was that shaped her original writing of this book. And we'll talk about some of the backlash that she's experienced around messages of sexual purity and how conversations about sexuality, purity, and discipleship have really shifted over the past few decades.
Dana's going to share why she felt the need to rewrite this book, and her heart is really to see teen girls and young women discipled with wisdom and grace in the area of sexual integrity. We also talk about what it looks like practically to hold faithful biblical convictions while growing in humility, listening carefully, and learning from the voices who have been hurt. This new version of Dana's book, which is a complete rewrite, is coming out next week, and we'll drop a link to that in our show notes. For now, let's head to the coffee shop for my conversation with my friend, Dana Gresh. Dana Gresh, welcome back to Java with Julie. I love Java with Julie. It's so good to be back. Yeah. I think I said this on a podcast a long time ago, but you were one of my very first interviews ever at Focus on the Family. I think you were my first. Yeah. So on the book and The Bride Wore White, is that correct? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, no, it was one of my true girl titles. But yeah, definitely. I remember we met in a hotel room and you were like, hi, or a hotel lobby. And you were like, hi, I'm Julie and I'm going to interview you tomorrow. And I was like, wow, nice to meet you. And I was starstruck. Yeah.
And then once I heard you talk on the radio, I was like, I really like this woman. She's got a lot to say, and I love the way you say it. And ever since then, we've been friends and sort of shared this journey of ministry and particularly talking about issues of sexuality to Christian women. So we have been through a lot together, and it's really cool to be able to catch up. live with others listening this time. I'm so glad to be here. Yeah. I think the last time you were on, we were talking about Happily Ever After, which we will link to, and it's just a phenomenal book, a resource that I continue to send women to. And this time we're going to talk about a rewrite of your very first book, The Bride Wore White. So background, tell us a little bit about the first version of this book.
Yeah. Well, it was the 90s, the late 90s, and I was a youth leader. And I loved one thing that was happening in the church, and that was that we were breaking our silence on the topic of sex. That was very good. I loved that as a youth leader, there wasn't an annual flee youthful of speech or thou shalt not speech. It was like we were trying to find, as a church, more spaces and more times to talk about the subject because we knew people were hurting. And because, I mean, what really... was the catapult for it, the AIDS crisis was kind of at an apex. It was at a really scary place. And the whole country was using the word abstinence, politicians, educators, parents. And the church came into the conversation saying abstinence isn't really
word of totality. That's a word about virginity. We need a different word for the church because God demands holiness. He demands total life sexual integrity. And the word purity popped up. And that's probably where my pain started to come into play because I wasn't a virgin on my wedding night. And I felt a lot of hurt as a youth leader for my girls. And so I thought, here's the problem with the conversation right now.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What cultural moment inspired the original *And the Bride Wore White*?
0:02–5:32
2
How did the 1990s purity movement shape Dannah Gresh’s early teaching?
5:32–11:08
3
Why does Dannah feel neutral about the purity culture today?
11:08–17:18
4
How can churches balance truth‑telling with grace when addressing sexual shame?
17:18–22:51
5
What does the new edition of *And the Bride Wore White* offer that the original didn’t?
22:51–28:28
6
How does the story of 1 John 3:2‑3 reshape the idea of personal purity?
28:28–33:27
7
What practical steps help wounded women find healing beyond TikTok advice?
33:27–38:47
8
Why does Dannah compare releasing God’s Word to letting a lion out of its cage?
38:47–45:41