Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv.
And don't forget to check out everything Tony Hinchcliffe at TonyHinchcliffe.com. And the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas, go to SunsetStripATX.com.
And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Back on my stand-up tour at the end of January, hitting all the spots that I didn't hit on the Fully Grown Tour before this. Vancouver, Portland, and Seattle. You're next. January 25th, 26th, and 27th. And then Los Angeles, California, I do stand-up.
Denver, Colorado, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Dallas, Houston.
st louis nashville fort lauderdale and orlando i'm so pumped for these upcoming dates really excited for you to see it taking some of my favorite openers with me you may recognize some of them get tickets now at tonyhenchcliffe.com this is going to be my last stretch of the stand-up tour for the rest of 2024 it's all just performing in austin and kill tony from there so hope to see you soon
How did you get it wrapped up? How did you wrap them up, back up?
Huh?
How did you get them wrapped back up? Do what? How did you wrap them back up? You put the notes in there.
Can you say that a little slower? I swear, I can't understand you. I swear.
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Chapter 2: What upcoming stand-up shows does Tony Hinchcliffe mention?
Are you mad?
No, I fucking loved it. Thank you for bringing it up. Thank you. I apologize.
I do it to everyone. So maybe I need to stop. But I never gonna stop.
Well, we started doing Kill Tony here at Vulcan a couple of years ago. This is officially our last scheduled taping here at this venue. Ladies and gentlemen, at the same time, I present to you Tim Dillon and Roseanne Barr. I have to say, this fucking podcast is making me famous. Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas.
Let's make some noise for Jim Norton, Whitney Cummings, and Burt Kreischer. Yes. Jim Norton, one of the best in the world. The great Whitney Cummings and the motherfucking machine, Burt Kreischer.
Hold up, one of the sopranos got something to say.
Ha ha ha.
You look like Lizzo dressed like Suge Knight for Halloween.
Oh, my God.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the Kill Tony taping at this venue?
And here we go. What the hell? Your bucket's behind you. You guys fucking excited? Shane Gillis, welcome back, my friend. Austin's own Shane Gillis. And Matt McCusker. Austin's own Matt McCusker. Two of the best moved here. You guys know what the fuck's up. Matt, it is your first time on the show, but I think you get the gist of it. A shit ton of people signed up for tonight's show.
They're scattered all around the arena. There's also an entire section of them right there. We have that light. We have that crazy comedian light. Freaks! There they are. Look at them. There's some familiar faces. Look at jolly Mike Eaton up there. There's some fucking celebrities up there. Some ugly ass motherfuckers too. Holy shit. Unbelievable. What a bunch of fucking... Section of rapists.
Look at the fucking vitamin D deficiency going on up there. Holy shit. Anyway, if I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That's Red Band's first fuck up of the night, everybody. Mark it on your bingo card. Mark it on your fucking bingo card.
We are four minutes into the episode and he has failed at a job in which he's done for ten and a half years. Right in front of you. Biggest episode of our lives. Literally the first fucking button he had to hit.
god it's unbelievable but they have to wrap it up after that 60 seconds and by the way last night it was a little bit chaotic audiences were starting to boo throughout some people's terrible sets my recommendation for tonight is save the booing for the when the 60 seconds is up when they're done and then let's hear you pop in your fucking thoughts and beliefs
because it kind of fucks some shit up. Turns out if 400 out of fucking 8,000 people hate somebody, it kind of fucks everything up. Anyway, they have to wrap it up after the kitten, or they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, who is real tonight, everybody. It's a real thing. He's live in the flesh. Oh, no, I have no dildos to throw at him. Normally, I have to throw a dildo to get them away.
I shoved them all up my ass. That's Joe Rogan. No, you know who it actually is. Take off the helmet. Show yourself. Come on. It's not that big of a reveal. It's Enrique Chacon. What's up, motherfuckers? Wow, look at the popper Enrique. What's up? Fuck yeah. All right, get back there. There he goes, Enrique Chacon. Okay, we're going to pre-pull a name, right?
Yeah, that's on the other side of the fucking arena, section 107. No, they're going to get them. That's good. We're going to start the show with a fucking bang, shall we, everybody? Now, normally, how many of you guys are diehard fans of the show? Okay. All right.
So normally, you may know that normally we start the show with the great and powerful Hans Kim, but if you're following along, you know that tonight is that fucking night.
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Chapter 4: Who are the guests introduced during the episode?
How do you guys feel about booing now? Yeah. Boo me now, motherfucker.
Well, don't get cocky. Boo. They're going to boo. They're going to boo. Here you go, Jeppe. Congratulations, your first time doing stand-up. Oh, I thought you had that. Over two on the catches tonight. Damn. You caught that like a diabetic trans dude from Minnesota. There he goes, Hefe, everybody. Well, it's time for one of the special treats. Ladies and gentlemen, doing a minute tonight.
You're not going to fucking believe it, but this man is coming fresh off of being awarded the 2023 Guest of the Year. This is a brand new minute from your very own Dr. Phil!
Austin, how we feel? Make some motherfucking noise if you're having a good time. I know I am. I'm fired up. Clap, you piece of shit. Thanks for coming out. Happy New Year. I've never done stand-up before, so bear with me. Hans Kim has great one-liners. I'm just talking about the slits he calls his eyes. All right, what else we got here? Wrote some stuff down.
Okay.
Hans Kim looks like if a scream mask was Asian. I thought that was pretty funny. Also true, which is why it's funny. Hit me with something, Mike. There it is. What else we got? Hans looks like he has genital fried lice. Sounded funnier on the drive over, moving on. Hans looks like he comes to the ad before the porn starts. I think we've all done that. Shane, there it is, okay.
Connecting, I'm connecting and then creating friendships. Hans, what else? I don't know. I just wrote fuck Hans here. Ran out of ink.
I still haven't forgiven Hans for breaking up the Beatles.
I think we all... Yeah, one more time, Mike. Thank you so much. Let's move on to Rick Diaz. Rick is also here tonight. I can't. Are you guys excited for that showdown, by the way? Good motherfucking God. I can't fucking wait. Rick, you know, his delivery is so dry. I'm always like, what style of comedy is that? Hans girlfriend's pussy. Like what? Why is it so dry?
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Chapter 5: What funny story is shared about a hotel encounter?
I think I said it funnier. Way better. And you just say, and then we hung out? Yeah, we hung out at the hotel. What are you talking about? You hung out at the hotel? Ask Christian Yoni.
Ask Christian Yoni. Explain to me.
Oh, you were waiting in the lobby.
Chapter 6: How long did the guests hang out in the hotel lobby?
You were with somebody that I actually know. Who were you with? My gay friend, the gay Jew friend. But how do I know? No! How do I know him? Well, he met you that night. There's a fucking connection, though. There's a connection here. And you're not saying it. A butt connection? Yes, I'm super gay. Thank you, Shane. Yes, I butt fucked this guy. Hold on, you don't understand why this is hilarious?
Yeah, totally. No, I do. Alright, so you met Tony in a hotel lobby with your gay friend and then you guys hung out. We hung out in the lobby. How long did we hang out for?
Chapter 7: What happens during the comedic roast battle?
Can you give me a ballpark? About 25 minutes. I hung out with you for 25 minutes. Tom, is that right? Tommy, gay Tommy, stand up. Tell him it's true. Were we with a large group of people?
No, it was just you, I, and Tom.
Yes! Hanging around.
Chapter 8: How does the audience react to the final performances?
He was there. Inside his shirt. What did we do for 25 minutes? You guys were on fucking suck, Tony.
I was telling you about...
We were talking about getting out of Hollywood and I was telling you how I'm exposing it now.
So you guys were doing cocaine. In the lobby of a hotel in Milwaukee. Were you staying at that hotel? Yeah, I was staying at the hotel. I was just getting a drink down there and I came up to you.
There was a bar.
It was at a bar. Of the hotel. We were actually more like in the lobby, but yeah, at the bar. Alright. Very good. This was a great fucking interview. Great stuff. Unbelievable stuff.
I talked to you.
Tony, do you remember talking to me? Tony, we talked. You fucking suck, dude. Yeah, you did. I love you guys. There you go. We have a special treat. Somebody that's ready to do comedy. A legend of the show. Ladies and gentlemen. What the fuck just happened there? We need a new mic, Stan Yoni. Custom made for tonight. A one night use only. Yeah, we're going to get a new one up here.
How about make some noise for Jet Ski, everybody. All right. Here's Yoni, everybody. Look at the great Yoni. Making dreams come true. The great and powerful. I hung out with him in a lobby once in Milwaukee. All right. You guys ready for a special fucking treat? I present to you... How is you in Milwaukee? All right.
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