Andrew Dice Clay, Whitney Cummings, Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban. TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://talkspace.com/tony Go to https://shopify.com/killtony to start selling with Shopify today. Download the app today and use code TONY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup! https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TONY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Andrew Dice Clay?
The real deal. The man, the myth. This is Andrew Dice Clay on Kill Tony. You guys would get really loud at that point.
This is a test. A very exciting moment for me, because Tony's been asking me since day one, and, you know, can I tell him what I used to think the show was? Yeah. I used to think that he was doing this show about murder. You know, like you see on TV with the, you know, I'm not into that. I would tell him I'm into stand-up, and he goes, no, it's just the name of the show, Dice.
So I figured it out now.
11 or 12 years later, you found out that it wasn't about murdering people.
Let me tell you something, Tony, one thing. There are no two Dice fans anywhere in the world, anywhere, that would ever argue going, oh, what college you think Dice went to?
Just never going to happen. Well, you do know about stand-up, and that's why we are here. Over 230 human beings signed up for a chance to get on this show. They have no idea who the guest is or is gonna be, so when they turn around after doing a minute, they're going to be looking down the barrel of Andrew Dice Clay.
Now, you don't know what that's like to have to look at you after doing a set, but let me tell you, this person's inside. That's interesting. So our first bucket pool will come from the inside. We're going to watch people do 60 second sets. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.
Are you guys ready to start the first ever Kill Tony with Andrew Dice Clay? We're going to start it with a bang. I present to you a new minute from one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. To kick things off tonight, ladies and gentlemen, how many of you are a big fan of the show? Woo!
But then you'll be happy to know, kicking things off, a brand new minute from the one and only, this is Cam Patterson, everyone.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of the Comedy Store?
Chapter 3: How did Dice feel about his first appearance on Kill Tony?
Chapter 4: What are the comedic challenges of performing at a Trump rally?
Chapter 5: What is the story behind Misty B's kidney transplant?
Hey, this is Redneck, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Get Over Tony!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, everyone? They've been playing for you here in the live music capital of the world. That is Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez. Unbelievable. Big Mike is with us. Look at him, just bigger than ever.
There's Media Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. Generous John Dees on the keys. Everyone knows how generous he is. Known for his generosity. And how loud can, I mean, it's the real deal. What can I say? It is indeed Dee Madness on the bass guitar. Oh yeah. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking episode? Wow. Every once in a while, you know, sometimes it's booked a month out, sometimes this, sometimes that, sometimes I find guests that day. This one has been on my calendar for a while, and it has been a dream guest of mine since episode one. And you are here for his debut as a panelist on Kill Tony.
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Chapter 6: How did Carl Kurz end up at the show?
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, especially starting at the Comedy Store, this is Comedy Store royalty. He is, undisputedly, one of the greatest comedians of all time. He is the first comedian to ever, ever sell out an arena. Indeed, this is the first panelist appearance ever by the undisputed heavyweight king of comedy. This is Andrew Dice Clay!
Make some fucking noise for Dice!
The real deal. The man, the myth. This is Andrew Dice Clay on Kill Tony. You guys would get really loud at that point.
This is a test. A very exciting moment for me, because Tony's been asking me since day one, and, you know, can I tell him what I used to think the show was? Yeah. I used to think that he was doing this show about murder. You know, like you see on TV with the, you know, I'm not into that. I would tell him I'm into stand-up, and he goes, no, it's just the name of the show, Dice.
So I figured it out now.
11 or 12 years later, you found out that it wasn't about murdering people.
Let me tell you something, Tony, one thing. There are no two Dice fans anywhere in the world, anywhere, that would ever argue going, oh, what college you think Dice went to?
Just never going to happen. Well, you do know about stand-up, and that's why we are here. Over 230 human beings signed up for a chance to get on this show. They have no idea who the guest is or is gonna be, so when they turn around after doing a minute, they're going to be looking down the barrel of Andrew Dice Clay.
Now, you don't know what that's like to have to look at you after doing a set, but let me tell you, this person's inside. That's interesting. So our first bucket pool will come from the inside. We're going to watch people do 60 second sets. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.
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Chapter 7: What was the experience of the audience like?
Are you guys ready to start the first ever Kill Tony with Andrew Dice Clay? We're going to start it with a bang. I present to you a new minute from one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. To kick things off tonight, ladies and gentlemen, how many of you are a big fan of the show? Woo!
But then you'll be happy to know, kicking things off, a brand new minute from the one and only, this is Cam Patterson, everyone.
Chapter 8: What unique perspectives do the comedians share?
All right, so listen. So usually on the show, I come out and I talk about places I don't like. That's what I do. People understand that. People think it's funny. But when I talk about where people are from, some people don't enjoy that. And I'm going to tell you, my worst place that I hate the most in all of America is Rochester, New York, right? That place can get blown to smithereens.
Fuck that place. And three weeks ago on Kill Tone, I said, fuck Rochester, New York. And I got an Instagram story that I was tagged in. I'm going to read it to you, and this is what it said. He said... He said, suck a dick. You pussy, fuck wherever you from. I'll smoke your dads in your face. I'm going to translate that for white people now because a lot of y'all look confused.
He just said, hey man, suck a penis. Fuck your hometown. And I'm going to get a cigarillo, unravel it, put weed in it, and smoke it as if it was your dead homeboy. That's what he said to me. And so I responded. I ain't hard to find. And then I sent my tour dates after that. And then he said, nah, fuck you. I ain't paying to see you. You talking shit about my city.
And then he said, unless you get me in for free, stop talking shit about Rochester. And I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something about me, man. I used to be a thug. I was a street nigga. I was outside. I started doing stand-up comedy that changed my life. I don't do that shit no more. I'm a good person. I changed a leaf in my life. I don't do that shit no more.
So I told him, I said, listen, brother, next time I'm somewhere by you, send me your first and last name, and I'll get you in the show for free, no problem. And he said, you'd do that for me? I said, yeah. He said, man, I'm a big fan of what you do, man. I just don't like that you were talking shit about my city because I love my city. I said, I understand that, bro.
I get it because I love my city too. And I hate somebody talking about my city. I'm sorry. Well, he doesn't know that when it comes to the show, we're going to beat the shit out of him. I'm going to camp out at the castle. Boom. Like that. There it is.
I love it. Amazing. Fantastic.
We gon' fuck that nigga up, man. We gon' fuck him up. It was, uh, I seen, I was like, what kind of bullshit is this, man? But I get it. You don't like talking shit, but he a pussy, though. Fuck that nigga. And look, let me look in the camera when I say this, too. Fuck Rochester, New York, nigga.
It is absolutely true. I fully endorse Cam's statements about anywhere in upstate New York. It is incredible for anyone to stay there after being born and raised there. You should have run for your lives. Instead, you probably settled down with the first person that said that they like you too. And then you accidentally came inside of them.
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