Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yes, we've done it again. Make some noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. What? The super likable co-host of Kill Tony. And one more time for the best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by Talkspace, Prize Picks, and Tacobas.
That's the great Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, and Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Matt Muehling on the electric guitar behind me, the great John Dees on the keys, and believe it or not, live in the flesh, that is Dee Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit. Wow, the energy in this room is unbelievable. The air conditioner is working.
It is a beautiful 71 degrees in this room tonight. And we have an amazing episode for you. I'm so excited about it. I'm in a really good mood. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh? Well, well, well.
We are, we are, by all measurements, the number one comedy show in the world right now. Colbert is out. Howard Stern is out. It's us. 12 and a half years every Monday, and yet I've never had one of the guests that's on tonight's show, and I've always wanted this guest.
The other guest has famously been on numerous times and leads the all-time record of walkouts by a guest during a taping of the show. What a chemistry match we have here tonight. Two comedy legends. One, one of the biggest comedy movie stars of all time. Two, literally one of the biggest comedy television show stars of all time. Famous for being on the number one comedy show of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you our guests, Rob Schneider and Donnell Rawlings. Yeah! Let's fucking go! Rob Schneider! Donnell Rawlings! Yes. Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely. Donnell. Donnell Rawlings. The Donnell Rawlings Show. Available everywhere. Rob Schneider is on tour. RobSchneider.com. Rob, welcome, welcome, welcome. Fresh off of Happy Gilmore to... Rob motherfucking Schneider.
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Chapter 2: Who are the guests on tonight's show?
And then I conduct an interview with them. We all have fun together. The entire thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Well, here we go. Your first minute tonight while we go wrangle that first bucket pool is from an illustrious golden ticket winner, one of the best golden ticket winners in the history of the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute from the great and powerful Martin Phillips, everybody. Here we go. cool you know a lot of comedians where they they do jokes they get the at the end but i don't always have a drummer so i use the harmonica uh so here we go uh i stay at hotels nice hotels can be expensive it's like dang four hundred dollars the prostitute was 800 i'm losing money
I like soda. My favorite soda is Sprite with cough syrup. It's an acquired taste. It's like, sure, I'm fucked up, but I don't have a cold. I take my dog places. He's not an assistant dog, but, you know, a guy like me, no one's going to question it. But I think I can bring any animal with me, you know? I think they'd be like, oh, yes, that raccoon helps him. He has hands.
Chapter 3: What is the significance of the guests' chemistry?
LAUGHTER
Wow. Martin Phillips has done it again. He has a brand new harmonica. This is brand new. Guess what? What? I don't know how to play a harmonica. Wow. I have no experience. Wow. I wouldn't have guessed that. You sounded fantastic to me. Thanks. I think if you add cocaine, it's Uncle Lazer. Can you imagine doing cocaine with him? The cocaine will be everywhere. All right, who's ready?
No way, no way. Who's ready to hit this shit right here? Okay. No, this is real. You have a girlfriend. I know you got a girlfriend. You know why? Because I'm watching and your fingers was just going crazy. Bitches, he was like this. I want to make you come. He sounded like Audrey Hepburn in Golden Pond. I want to make you come. Take this finger, bitch, and do this line of cocaine.
Hey, Darnell, how about you take a walk? All right, all right. I will. I will take a walk.
If you walk with me, it'll take 30 minutes to get out this goddamn building.
Something's got a hold on me lately. Wow. Funny stuff, though, brother. Very funny stuff. Oh, thank you. That was fantastic, Martin. Very funny. Yeah. My favorite part of that diss on Donnell was that you called him Darnell. Oh, okay. No, he didn't. He said Darnell. Okay. It's funny. Last episode, I thought I was disappointed in my minute. I thought I was kind of mad. The episode just dropped.
I was looking at reviews. Turns out nobody could understand me anyway. So I was like, okay, cool. Okay, I'm still good. Ken, when I say something, Tony? Yes. I know that's a joke, but what I understand about you, just watching you, the passion that you have for comedy.
I know it's not easy to come up here and deal with the things that you deal with in life and still want to put a smile on people's faces and have a good time. So whatever, we can crack jokes or whatever, but I respect that. I see it in your face, and I can just tell how hard you go, so hats off to you. Good job. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah.
I thought that it was really funny, and I would have chosen, instead of a raccoon, a ferret. Okay. And then I think, you know, as a closer, you can, just think of them, just a suggestion, you could. pull the ferret out of your ass at the very end. As a closer. You don't want to do that early because then you can't follow it.
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Chapter 4: How does the show engage with its audience?
I was just going off what you were doing, that's all.
That wasn't mine, that was his. That works for anything. Four months of transporting bodily fluids. What were you doing before that? What were you doing five months ago? Auto parts. Auto parts. Wow. It's all over the place. Oh, my God. What made you want to get into the medical courier business? They just paid four bucks more an hour. Okay. Wow. Were you a good mechanic?
I'm like a C-plus mechanic.
What does that mean?
I kind of meddle. I can change oils, rotors, brake pads, you know, just middling shit.
Okay. How did you learn how to do all that? You have a dad growing up? Yeah. Yeah. Grandfather had a lot of antique cars and shit. Okay. Are you ever transporting a kidney sometimes and you go, you know what, I'm just going to stop and have a beer first before I do it?
I did have a coworker that had to transport a human leg.
Whoa. What was that for? Where were they taking the leg? She didn't tell me. She quit.
Wow.
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Chapter 5: What humorous insights are shared about cultural identity?
Oh my God. I noticed a crazy question. Was he black or white? No, he was Turkish. So he was like brown, kind of. He's Turkish. Hello, hello. It was in the area, she's saying. Shut the fuck up, bro. It was black adjacent. It's true. His dick was. Wow. It's over for me, Tony. It really is. Oh, it's gonna be great.
Chapter 6: What impressions does Charlie Plainmew share about birthday pizzas?
I thought this was the comeback, Tony. And I'm right where I started when I walked up the first time. Oh, you're a legend now. Now you're a... I can just open for you if you want. What'd you say, Juanita? I said I can open for you if you want. Oh, yeah, that's what he wants. He'll just fix everything. Open her ass. I'll pass on that. Oh, yeah, she'll open for you, Donnell. Shut it up!
So progressive, better than, can you, Donnell only likes openers that look exactly like him. Can you? All right. All tan. Juanita. Anything else crazy going on in life that we should know about? Oh, I have an impression prepared for you. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. So this is, it's Charlie Plainmew from There Will Be Blood explaining birthday pizzas at Grimaldi's.
So we get our birthday pizza like every year.
Chapter 7: How does Rob Schneider reflect on his career during the episode?
Well, the thing is that we used to give out the birthday emails for free, but now you have to download an application. Yeah, but we get it like every year. You get no birthday pizza. Wow. Was that a good? You know what's interesting? Now I can see the Adam's apple now, right? All it took was for her to do a spot on Daniel Day-Lewis for Donnell to realize. Hell yeah. there will be blood.
Or when they fuck you, Juanita, it's called there will be mud. No, I prepare, fellas. Juanita, fun times. You've been on this show numerous times. It wasn't your best set, but always a legendary interview with you. We love your sense of humor.
Chapter 8: What does the audience learn about the dynamics of comedy performance?
Proof that some trans people can roll with the punches. That's another appearance by the great Juanita, everybody. It's a stereotype, some people say. Oh, yeah. We do have a golden ticket winner here, ladies and gentlemen. This guy's only been on the show one other time when he famously came on with children's books for adults and changed his life forever.
This is the second ever appearance from Charlie Mack, everybody. Make some noise for Charlie Mack.
First off, I want to thank the Kill Tony universe. Y'all really did change my life, you know? Thank you, yes. Now I'm able to buy a lot of lavish shit. Like, I just bought a new $1,500 shelf. I put all my clothes on it and everything. Some of y'all know it as a treadmill. I've never touched it. I don't know what the fuck it does. Last time I touched it was to balance myself to put my shoes on.
It's crazy. Now my ex let me have sex with her again. Yes, yes. I like it because she likes to role play. You know, I be hitting it from the back. You know, I throw on her wig. She throw on my CPAP. Y'all ain't never had CPAP sex? It's like fucking Darth Vader. I'm like, who's in it? She go, yours. I'm like, damn, Luke, I guess I am your father.
Charlie Mack has done it again. Rob Schneider. Congrats. You're going to make it. You are. You're going to make it. And for the rest of your life as a comedian, I mean... The next six years are gonna be great for you. No doubt about it. Charlie, fantastic.
You said you did a role play. What was the scenario? I threw on her wig and she threw on my CPAP. That's not creative. It's not? If you're gonna do role play, I do role play. If you're gonna do role play, think outside the box. When I play role play, I play plantation.
Ooh. Damn. Ooh, Juanita, get back up here. All right. Is it okay if we laugh at this? Are we okay? We're all okay? We're okay? No, we're good, we're good. Okay, good.
This was not the best decision.
Charlie Mack, the last time you were on the show, you told us about your adult children's books, and I guess it blew up, right?
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