Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Who's ready for the best night of their lives?
The undisputed number one live podcast in the world is coming to WrestleMania.
Tony, Triple H, have you seen these auditions? Hey. Hey, Tony. Last year. I became the most must hear. Rooster of all time. It's comedy you're looking for. I don't like to brag. Gotta be a part of the show. Let me show you what I can do. Is this thing even on? A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar. I didn't really mean everything I said that night. This is going to be insane.
This is going to be awesome.
Kill Tony, Saturday, April 18th. Tickets on sale now.
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Oh, my God. How about one more time for the best damn band in all of Sugar Land?
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Chapter 2: How do the hosts introduce the show and the guests?
The great Michael Gonzalez, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. Fucking... Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, John Dees. And that right there is the great D Madness, everybody. Matt Muehling on the electric. We got everything in place. This is very, very exciting. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
I gotta ask, Houston, Texas, are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? What a pleasure it is to be on the road in my favorite state in the United States of America. Holy shit, what a beautiful day. 80 degrees and sunny. You can't beat it. Tonight's guests, two of my favorite human beings in the world, two of the greatest Kill Tony guests of all time.
Very hard, very hard to book this show on a Saturday night when everybody that touches the show is a sellout theater act. But I did the Lord's work for you as I present to you Multiple Time Over. Without a doubt, arguably, statistically, the greatest guest in Kill Tony history and the first ever regular in Kill Tony history. Tonight's guests, ladies and gentlemen, are Adam Ray and Kim Condon.
What's her name? Elaine. Elaine. So many characters I forget sometimes. Wow. And the great Kim Congdon, everybody. There she is. Currently being stalked by many men. She's not here tonight. I have a gun. She's got a gun. She's got a new dog. Everything's happening. And ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Kill Tony Hall of Famer, multiple-time guest of the year, Adam Ray is here, everybody.
Great to be here. Great to be here. Thanks for having me. Houston, let's go. Houston, home of Hakeem Olajuwon and... Fucking, I don't know. Fat, fat sex. I don't know. Yeah. A lot of. Yeah. Yeah. I looked up fun facts on the airplane about Houston and I said, you guys eat out more than any other city in the world. So.
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Chapter 3: What are the highlights of the Houston show?
Yeah. Yep. This guy, that's not what I was talking about. I meant like fast food, but for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Right here. Later. Hopefully in the Uber.
Hell yeah. There is a lot of blacks in Houston. And from what I heard, they don't eat out at all. I don't. That's not what I was talking about. But yeah, for sure. Yeah. They probably are. El Tiempo is here. How many El Tiempo fans do we have out there? El Tiempo. Gosh darn it. The home of the Colorado. You guys ever been to the Colorado before? It's a fun place. All right.
You guys know how this show works, everybody. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry. Is there a gay part of Houston? They all said it once. What is it? Montrose. Oh, yeah.
You got to wrap it up then or else you bring out the angry Montrose bear. Oh yeah, that's a big gay bear. A little southern twang on it too. Hell yeah. Oh my goodness, the first name has been pulled. And this is a very special show because since we have been in Texas for over five years now, we have accumulated many great golden ticket winners from the city of Houston, Texas.
And tonight, while we go wrangle our first bucket pool, starting off the show with a brand new minute for us is one of our elite golden ticket winners from Houston, Texas. He got his golden ticket, I believe, when he was 21 years old. Since then, he has worked as Bucky himself out of Bucky's. Make some noise. Starting tonight's show, Houston's own Enrique Chacon.
Houston, Texas, how the fuck we feeling tonight? Yeah. This is looking like a racist Lakewood church, bro. What the fuck? I heard that ICE is killing white people now, man. What's up with that? You're telling me I can't even hide inside a Lululemon anymore? My girlfriend, when I met her, she was way out of my league, so I found out everything I could about her, man.
I found out that she was really into animal rescue, so 2019, fuck it, bro. I rescued 34 cats, bro. Fuck it. Sometimes you have to save the kitty to eat the kitty, and that's what I was doing. You can say I was in heat, too, man. Anyways... I have an Australian cattle dog, a blue heeler at home. I like to use that dog for small talk with older white guys. I like a tractor supplier.
I tell them I have a blue heeler, and they're like, oh, my granddaddy had a blue heeler. That's a very intelligent dog. That's a very hardworking dog. We have a beautiful moment, and suddenly they remember that their granddaddy wouldn't like him talking to me, and that's the end of the conversation. Thank you.
Enrique Chacon. Tony Hinchcliffe.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the bucket pool in the show?
Your next comedian is Brandon Brown. We're going to meet Brandon Brown all together now. Put your hands together for Brandon, everybody. These people wait their whole lives for a moment like this. Holy shit. We're doing it. Mr. Henchliffe, I got to tell you, I'm a big ass fan. You too, Adam Ray. Me and my wife, we're such big fans of Kill Tony that we role play Kill Tony in the bedroom, right?
So sometimes like I'll be hitting it from the back and I'm like, oh yeah, we're really doing it, baby. We're really doing it. And then sometimes I like to pretend I'm one of the black guys that get on Kill Tony. I'm like, oh yeah, we're really doing it, baby. But my favorite people who come on Kill Tony are the Asians, right?
So sometimes I'll be back there going, oh, yeah, we really want it, baby. Right? Oh, man. But it goes both ways, right? So sometimes because she's like, I want to be Tony. I'm like, all right, you can be Tony. So I'll be eating her pussy, right?
Right?
And then she'll go, we've done this a thousand times, you still can't hit the fucking buttons, right? Like, what the fuck? I've known you for 10 fucking years, and you still can't get it fucking right? Everybody, I'm Brandon Brown, and that's my time. We really doing it, baby. Look at this guy. Are you pointing at your girl out there? Yes. Where's she at?
Hey, we pay big money, we're right in the front row. I love it. I love it. How do you get big money? What do you do for work, Brandon Brown? Um, I'm an insurance broker. I love it. Amazing. How long you been doing that for? Uh, I've done it for about four years now. You are one of the buffest insurance brokers I've ever seen before. This is incredible. Thank you. Do you repo insurance?
What's going on? Now I say, you gonna get some protection for your fucking family or what? Yes. Sometimes it works.
You look like Rogan if you stop doing the podcast.
That's a compliment.
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Chapter 5: What does a mortgage broker do and how did they get into it?
How old are you? I'll be 22 next week. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a mortgage broker. A mortgage broker. Jesus. God, is that what you wanted to do? No, but I do want to do it now. I kind of find myself into it, and I do really like it because I genuinely do have the opportunity to help people. You're into it? Yeah, yeah.
Chapter 6: What challenges do people face when dating in Miami?
That's amazing. We're doing the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles. It's a 16,000-seat venue in L.A. in May at the Netflix's Joke Fest. You said Intuit. It made me think of the wild success that I got by not being a mortgage broker and chasing my dreams.
Right.
Um, amazing. So, you seem like a decent-looking guy, right?
Chapter 7: What is the significance of the Intuit Dome and Netflix's Joke Fest?
What's your love life like? Um, uh, a little difficult. You know, I'm really busy with work a lot of the time, but, um... Whoa, guys, come on. You guys think I'm not laying some puss? Give me a break. Oh, my God. Laying some puss? You guys don't think I'm laying puss over here, huh? I'll tell you, look, I'll tell you honestly, Miami's a tough place to genuinely find somebody. Yeah, you're lying.
What are you talking about? It's literally, like, it's always hot. Like, it's like everyone's, like, humid, and they're pulling out their pussy all the time. Oh, no, I love it.
Chapter 8: How does the conversation shift towards personal anecdotes and humor?
It's great for me to have a good time, but in terms of... But you're trying to settle down. No, I would appreciate a girl to, like, kick it with, you know what I mean? But you can't find one. Miami's tough. Okay, you just keep saying Miami's tough. Well, especially for me, guys. I moved to Miami when I was 16, so... Where did you move to Miami from? I'm trying to save you here.
If you just focus on me. Pretend like it's just me and you in the room. But don't be gay about it. All right. Okay. So where are you trying to find good women at in Miami? Where are you going to try to find them? Or what are you doing? Are you on the apps? No, I don't like the apps. No. Usually at strip clubs. Just focus over here. Focus over here.
Oh, you're trying to find a good girl at a strip club? Well, you know, sometimes you can find a good one. Have you ever found a good one at a strip club? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My mom actually works in a lot of the major clubs. Your mom works at major strip clubs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does your mom do at the strip clubs? Well, she does not strip. I want to make that clear. She's a VIP host.
The crowd was hoping for that to be your one redeeming fact. Yeah. Everybody wanted her to be like a 35-year-old stripper that shoots ping pong balls out of her ass or something.
No, she's... Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah. I just made the what-the-fuck guy come in his pants. All right, there's got to be a saving grace here, Nunzio Gianni. I'm trying to save you here. Give us one fun fact about you or your entire life that will win over the entire crowd here in Houston, Texas. There has to be something that you've done, some accomplishment, something.
He's looking to his family like this is the Price is Right. He's looking for advice in Section 101 here. I grew up in a funeral home. Oh, you grew up in a funeral home. Okay, how did you grow up in a funeral home? Tell us about that. It was my great-grandfather's funeral home, and then it became my mother's. She handled it for the most part. Your mom was working at a funeral home and strip clubs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have a dad in your life? You know, I did. It was kind of difficult, but yeah, I did have a dad. What do you mean it was difficult? I was split between two households, so... Yeah. Let's check in with Hall of Famer Adam Ray here. I'm going to see what's going on in your head. Yeah, this is not great, what's happening.
But, you know, you're staying in the pocket. I got to give you some credit. You're not like, you know, crying or turning and running out through the curtains. So it is tough to be up here. What the people at Booming Don't realize is it is tough to walk out here and even fucking cry. Yeah, that is true. You know, but this has been pretty bad. But you missed 100% of the shots you don't take.
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