Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. Check out our t-shirt store, ShopSquad.tv. That's where you have the official Death Squad kitty cat t-shirt. It's a limited edition shirt. So get it before it sells out, because once it sells out, it's gone forever. Also, me and Tony are coming to Phoenix, Arizona this Thursday, September 26th.
This is an important show. This is the first time Death Squad has come to Phoenix. We're trying to impress everyone there so we can start coming back on the regular, bringing new Death Squad comics there. So please take your friends, sisters, cousins, roommates, moms, whatever. We don't give a shit. Just go to standuplive.com to get your tickets for September 26th, Thursday, this Thursday.
And then the following day, me and Tony are flying to Columbus, Ohio, our home state. We're being joined by Tom Segura, his home state. And Christina Pajitsky, who does not come from Ohio. Anyways, we're going to be doing a comedy show. And tickets are on sale.
Chapter 2: What events are being promoted during the episode?
It's at the Woodlands Backyard, 27th of September. Go to deathsquad.tv for the links. And then, finally, the L.A. PodFest. The first week in October. Go to LAPodFest.com so you can see a live version of Kill Tony. This is the first time we're doing it outside of the Comedy Store. And it's going to be fun. We're going to have some pretty cool guest celebs.
And you'll get to see this in a different environment. So check us out. We're also doing a Kevin Pereira Pointless episode. at the LAPodFest, LAPodFest.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Fuck yeah, everybody. Welcome.
How are you guys doing tonight? Holy shit. There's a big crowd here tonight. A shout out to the Death Squad fans that are out here. Hey, guys. How are you? Welcome.
There's a plethora of them.
My homeboy, J.R. Steiner, is wearing the greatest t-shirt I've ever seen. J.R., will you come up here real quick and show this thing off? Yeah, it's badass. But there's controversy about it, but it's badass. Hello? Yeah. Look at this fucking Kill Tony shirt, ladies and gentlemen.
Will you please? So since discovering the Joe Rogan podcast and with Brian's help, we've created this little community we call Death Squad. Can I raise this motherfucker?
Hell yeah, you can.
and there's like eight of us here right now and we flew from all over the country and so what I wanted to do was get some shirts together for us so I came up with this idea like the Iron Patriot thing is definitely like a you know it's like a thing only the fans will get you know what I mean so I wanted to surprise these guys so yeah here's a shirt we'll never actually be able to sell it because of copywriting but this is it man so we fucking love you guys kill Tony man thank you so much man put your hands together for J.R.
Steiner and the Death Squad Nation everybody But what we should do real quick, though, is stay up on stage real quick because let's introduce the Iron Patriot because there is controversy about it. Ladies and gentlemen, the Iron Patriot is here, everyone.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the Iron Patriot character?
There really were.
Were their feet exposed?
No, but I saw their cute faces and everything. I can imagine that.
What did you think of your girl, Miley, twerking?
I like to watch her twerk, but I told you the story when I was on Hannah Montana. She don't have nice feet. It shocked me, too. I know. I couldn't believe it either, Tony. I couldn't believe it. Heck, yeah. She got such a cute face.
Have you seen that new video that was released?
You know there's some bad grammar in that video?
Which one?
You know how she says, we run things, things don't run we? That's not correct grammar. Wow. It should be things... We run things. Things don't run us.
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Chapter 4: How do comedians prepare their jokes for performances?
We could all have websites and computer accounts, and we could all be businessmen. But that's all the scared. All you guys have a million dollars. All the banks would probably shut down. You go in the bank trying to pull out a million dollars all the time. All the banks would be out. There's so many things that... All right, Pete.
That's your time.
Well, you guys, allow me to go first. I loved every second of that. Every second of that. And once we get to the bottom of whatever you did to your daughter, you're going to be great. That's almost my note.
That's your, it's a little pitchy.
I mean, listen, here's the thing. And this is a compliment. Whatever you are, you're for real about it. And I like that. Like, whatever you are, it's not like, you're for real that. You know what I'm saying? It's like for real. You could tell. You could just look at his eyes. That's not like trying.
That's life coming at you fast. Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen somebody that looks both like a cowboy and an Indian before. But somehow you're pulling that off. Like, I've heard of the game Cowboys and Indians, but you could just be both sides all at once. You could play that like solitaire.
But then if I were to guess, like, he's only in America because he committed a hate crime in Jamaica.
No, man. No problem, man. No, no. Now, where are you from? No, man. I'm from Jamaica. Nailed it.
Still shooting from half court and making it. Gerard Carmichael.
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Chapter 5: What humorous insights are shared about dating and cars?
What kind of car do you have? I've got Nissan Altima. Oh, that's a fucking miracle. You're picking up fours on four wheels. I love that. Right, exactly. He's pulling up next to a girl on a bicycle like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? You want a ride? Throw it in the trunk. Automatic trunk, thank you very much. On a bike. I thought you were calling his car a four.
I love the romantic music, Izzy. I thought you were calling his car a four. I never heard cars like girls. I thought you were saying, never mind.
I'm saying the girls that he's doing from barking out of a Nissan Altima can't be any higher than a four. Couple with Down syndrome.
If you're going to do it... Can they operate motor vehicles?
A four is just a six with Down syndrome.
If you're going to do it, you have to waste it on a good-looking girl. You can't waste it. Because you can write it off.
Exactly. It'll hurt too much if it's like a two.
Yeah, if she's fat and starts driving away, then it's like, oh, fuck, I'm a loser. I drive a Nissan.
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Chapter 6: How do the comedians discuss their experiences with attraction?
I hate my life. Right.
Well, there you go. Paul Alia, everybody.
There he goes.
Paul Alia, one, two, three on Twitter. If you want to tag any of his stuff out there for you listeners of the podcast. Patriots, jeez, I get so offended when somebody comes at you, you know what I mean? I'm so defensive of you.
Yeah, I feel this frustration. You know, it's hard. You gotta move slow with the ladies these days. They don't like you to be too aggressive too quickly. You know, you need to take them out to dinner and buy them some appetizers and, you know, take them to a movie. You gotta be patient. You can't just jump right in their pants like that and touch the pouch.
I just got dizzy for a second. You can't just jump in their pants and what?
Touch the pouch. Can't be soothing and good loving on the pouch. Tony, you know that. Until it's time, you gotta wait. You gotta be patient.
A woman likes to know if you're... I love how it's not take a girl out and buy her dinner.
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Chapter 7: What are the challenges of dating in the comedy scene?
It's take a girl out and buy her appetizers.
Like a special occasion or something. Is she allowed to get entrees?
You know the whole thing.
Buy a flower.
Be nice. Last date you went on, Patriot, where'd you take the girl?
It's been a long time. I've been in a dry spell, Tony. I haven't had sex since the summer of 2008. No, Patriot, no. I hate to kill your image of me, but hopefully now that I'm in the Death Squad fam,
gonna change for me yeah yeah definitely i'm i can't i want to i want to know the story of 2004 yeah i do too i do too i want to know what had to happen in 2004 that went so bad it used to be i didn't tell you about my dj years i dj'd for seven years i was at this club called the sugar shack and there was a cute bartender girl she let me play with her feet while we watched the last episode of friends
Wait, wait, last episode of what?
It was the last episode of Friends. Remember that year? And I took one sock off, and then I took the other sock off, and she let me play with her toes.
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Chapter 8: How do the comedians reflect on their early career struggles?
I know I'm going to find the right person for me, my soulmate.
Yeah, you'll find one that suits you.
I'm jealous of Redman. I heard him talking that he met a nice girl. Did you go to church or something? Where'd you meet that nice girl? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Church. Maybe church is chicken, but not church. You're better off finding a good girl at a church's chicken than a church. Honestly, you might be good going to church if you want to meet a nice girl.
Yeah, but you know I don't believe in God. I believe we're all God.
Just don't pay attention. Look at feet. Look down like you're looking... Thinking about Jesus. I feel like there's a tear right now underneath that helmet.
Short-circuiting everything. My glory years were from 86 to 93. That was when I was in Dirty Crammer. Those were my times when I had sex with about 20 different girls.
Oh, my God. I'm about to cry. Holy shit. This is awful. Hey, we'll talk after the show. I got a website you can go to.
No, I don't want Tinder.
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