Episode 621: The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln Part I - All The World's a Stage
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What is the main topic of this episode?
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Who's that? Man, I was... God, I was thinking about this about how... My dad was one of these big memories that came up. One of my favorite bits. Your deceased father. My dad, he's dead.
Was it dysentery? Actually, no. Cholera? Dropsy?
He drowned. He drowned while they were fording a river. You know my father is loving to ford rivers. But he used to say a poem, and I think it was from an old comedy special, and I've been thinking about it ever since we started on this series. And I think I've done it before here, but maybe not. Lincoln, Lincoln, I've been thinking, what the hell have you been drinking? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my God, it's turpentine.
But that's the only thing I have. My dad used to say that one, too. I think that's a Northeast thing. What is that from? Just like old man limericks.
There was less entertainment back then. It's completely nonsensical.
Really?
I don't know what it is. My father was obsessed with dirty limericks.
Oh, yeah. We had a song that we used to always sing. As I sit in my cell with my fingers dipped in shit and the shadow of my ding dong on the wall. As the prisoners pass are shoving peanuts in my ass and the guards are playing ping pong with my balls. Yeehaw!
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. It's a serious history show.
Hey, this is very serious.
We're going to be talking about a lot of serious stuff today. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the grieving Henry Zabrowski.
No, I am revised and reviled and reconstituted by the power of the theater. The show must go on. Yes, it must.
And the man with a mind for a thousand dirty songs, it's Ed Larson. Ah, yes.
Oh, you dirty little bullet, does your mother know you're out there with a hole in your britches and your dinkies hanging out? The importance of history can't be understated when it comes to the show. All of this is history.
And yes, today we are going to be beginning a three-part series. I'm so fucking excited for this on the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln.
Who did it? We're going to kill him again and again and again. This better not be like the Black Dahlia. I want to know what happened. Actually, Eddie, unfortunately, just like the Black Dahlia, it does end in another Jewish cabal. And I hate that about history, but it always does, doesn't it, boys?
No, I'm very happy about this one. There is zero ambiguity in this story. We know everything that happened. It's so well documented. There's so much context. Oh, there's so much context.
So much context. Now, the other problem here is that there's also one of those people, there's one of these stories that if you don't believe what happened here, You're so far gone. In the world of Lincoln conspiracy theorists that I have now ensconced myself in, these guys are lost. They're lost. What'd they think? You didn't have a hat? These guys still have... They're getting wooden teeth made.
Well, when it comes to the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln.
Yeah!
I think most of us know the broad strokes. No, we're not. Stop being so excited about Lincoln getting killed. Let's get him again!
It was just so easy to kill a president then.
Back then it was, yeah.
Now you've got to do it at Disneyland and there's a robot. It's so hard. But God, is it satisfying tearing apart coolants like that. Nothing makes me happier than ripping the breastplate off of Gerald Ford and playing with his fucking automatic guts.
The broad strokes that on April 14th, 1865, just as the American Civil War was wrapping up, a well-known actor by the name of John Wilkes Booth walked into Ford's Theater during a performance of a play and fired a fatal shot into Abraham Lincoln's head. And yes, John Wilkes Booth is, of course, the main character in this story.
Ken, for these next two paragraphs, can you do this in a more Ken Burns style?
We're not really right in a Ken Burns style. But what's lesser known about the conspiracy to kill the president was that Lincoln was not the only target that night. While Booth was killing Lincoln, a co-conspirator was also making an attempt on the life of Lincoln's Secretary of State, William Seward. And that attempt came incredibly close to success. I can't do Peter Coyote.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic of this episode?
0:01–45:23
2
Who was John Wilkes Booth?
45:23–50:09
3
What were the conspiracies surrounding Lincoln's assassination?
50:09–52:08
4
How did Booth's upbringing influence his actions?
52:08–55:35
5
What led to the assassination of Abraham Lincoln?
55:35–1:47:33
6
What was the aftermath of Lincoln's assassination?
1:47:33–1:50:06