Your Money Story is Running Your Life
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Why do couples argue about money even when they have solid finances?
Imagine you're sitting across from a couple, two smart, accomplished people who have built a good life together. They have the house, the careers, the kids, but lately every conversation about money turns into a fight. Not about the numbers really, about something harder to name. At some point or another you've probably heard yourself asking, why do we keep having the same argument? Why do I know? What I should do with money and still not do it. Why does talking about finances feel like it costs something emotional, not just financial? Ashley Kwame was a marriage and family therapist specializing in couples. She kept watching money show up in her clients' relationships as a stand in for something deeper.
elonging, safety, worthiness, love. And the standard therapeutic tools weren't quite getting there. So she did what any of us do when we run out of answers. She Googled it, and what came back was a field she'd never heard of financial therapy. Ashley's now a financial behavior specialist, working inside advisory firms as what She describes as a subject matter expert on the human side of money. She helps clients get unstuck, not by handing them a plan, but by helping them understand the story underneath the numbers. Her background in couples therapy, her training in financial therapy, and her own money story give her a distinctive lens on why we do what we do with money even when we know better. If you've ever wondered why the logical answer isn't enough, or why your relationship with money feels more emotional than rational, Ashley's work is going to resonate with you.
This conversation is full of moments that will have you nodding and maybe asking a few new questions of your own. Welcome to Making Change with Your Money, a podcast that highlights the stories and strategies of women who experienced a big life transition and overcame challenges as they redefined financial success for themselves. Now here's your host, certified financial planner, Laura Roder. Welcome Ashley to the Making Change with Your Money podcast.
Laura, thank you so much for having me and good to be here.
I'm excited to see where this conversation takes us. I'll start as I always do with the question, Ashley, what was money like in your family growing up?
Oh, I always love that question and appreciate it a little bit more now given the work that I do. Um, I will say high level just to add some interesting context. Uh my father is a CPA. Uh my birthday is April fifteenth. And so I always laugh when I When I say that, just uh and now here I am, fast forward, uh, a therapist that's transitioned into financial services. So uh it's kind of like the stars, uh, you know, maybe I was always meant to be here. But to answer your question though, Laura, you know, I think like many families, uh, money was um a topic that sometimes was talked about over. Uh sometimes it was a reading between the lines. So I grew up uh middle class, uh North Carolina and um, you know, suburbia town USA, right?
And and so, you know, from a just outward appearance, you know, everything was very stable. Um everything always felt very secure. Uh there was, you know Privilege in in the sense of not having to worry uh about basic needs being met. Um, but there were a lot of, you know, uh there were a lot of small conversations that sometimes showed up around work, like my dad's job, making, you know, trying to get promotions or making enough or comments around, you know, not taking off because I have to work. Uh you know, those kind of things that don't overtly sound like you're talking about money, but you know, really we we are. You know, and so I would say by and large, like Everything was fine, right? Everything was fine in our household with with respect to money.
But, you know, in hindsight, there were a lot of lessons being learned and taught, um, sometimes argued about, like most couples do. Uh, you know, and so I I can see a little bit more clearly now, just with hindsight as we usually and always can just where some of andor how money has showed up or why my relationship is the way that it is with with money from you know those family of origin contexts.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do couples argue about money even when they have solid finances?
0:00–6:51
2
How did Ashley’s background in marriage therapy lead her to financial therapy?
6:51–13:09
3
What early family experiences shaped Ashley’s own money story?
13:09–19:03
4
What is the “think, feel, do” framework for financial behavior change?
19:03–24:22
5
How did Ashley help a high‑achieving executive get unstuck from his work‑family conflict?
24:22–30:12
6
How has Ashley’s definition of success evolved over time?
30:12–36:34
7
What does a financial behavior specialist actually do inside advisory firms?
36:34–42:11
8
What practical steps can listeners take to shift their relationship with money?
42:11–48:34