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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

Ep 617 - Irish Good Morning

29 May 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 1.494 Unknown

The Wild Wild West.

0

2.075 - 8.105 Shane Gillis

Dude, I just... It blew my fucking mind. I had to talk to somebody about it. No, I'd like to hear about it. Chuck E. Cheese is no longer.

0

Chapter 2: What shocking discovery did the host make about Chuck E. Cheese?

8.185 - 27.648 Shane Gillis

It's not a... I think Bargatze actually has a joke about it. I think he... Or maybe he joked about how scary it was, but like, you know, we all know the classic Chuck E. Cheese. I was like talking to my kids like, yo... Guys, it might be a little scary in here. They have like fucked up looking mice dancing and shit on stage. You go to a Chuck E. Cheese now, no animatronics.

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28.249 - 46.72 Shane Gillis

Screen, the 2D, brother. I know. But if you look, I like YouTube, the old Chuck E. Cheese. Like maybe I was just like making it up. It's more fucked up than you could imagine. Old Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, it's so scary. I like was YouTubing people at the party. Like this is what it used to look like. When did they change it, you think? I think maybe in the, what's O'Connor call it, the aughts?

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46.74 - 65.264 Matt McCusker

Yeah, the early aughts. Maybe the early aughts. I bet they changed it when Five Nights at Freddy's, or what's that called? Five Nights at Freddy's is like a little kid video game where animatronic things come to life at night and attack you. I bet when that, because that was a hit. Yeah, that could have happened.

0

65.284 - 77.764 Matt McCusker

I bet bringing the kids to see the actual animatronics, it was probably chaos in the Chuck E. Cheese. That'd be terrifying. 2012, when did Five Nights come out? Oh, that was later. That would be crazy. I've got a nice theory going.

0

80.049 - 92.661 Shane Gillis

Yeah, this is a good theory. I have another. My brother gave me a really good theory recently. What is it? Sean's going to like it. It's about how smoke breaks. So people don't go out anymore and like stand with each other and smoke cigarettes. And he thinks it's having like a.

93.248 - 119.037 Shane Gillis

fucking us up like we don't know how to like chill it's like that was a whole rhythm baked into the day where like everybody all right let's step outside all the bros have to like hang out together for a while puff cigs talk about whatever because really like you and a bunch of people would sit there all catch the nicotine buzz at the same time and it's like a really nice good combo yeah it's a nice combo it's it's like a part of our life that now we miss yeah now everyone also works from home too hey exactly don't even get to go around the water cooler even yeah

119.017 - 124.963 Shane Gillis

The water cooler's a myth, by the way. I've never... I've been in an office twice. I never once got to chat around the water cooler.

125.704 - 136.114 Matt McCusker

No. Kitchen microwave is where you chill. Yeah, kitchen microwave and coffee. That's where you chill. Yes. Water cooler myth. That's where you come in and see your weird manager eating out of a Tupperware.

136.134 - 139.317 Shane Gillis

And you go, Jesus Christ. This microwaving soggy broccoli.

Chapter 3: How has the evolution of smoking breaks affected social interactions?

235.82 - 261.09 Matt McCusker

Fucking natural redwood fucking floor is actually kind of sick now. I did. Me and Lamer just went and looked at the house. How was it? Lamer asked to come with me. He wanted to check out the new digs. He was checking out the house more than me. I bet. Yeah. But yeah, it's home inspector. I had, I'm like, I walk in and the lady's trying to tell me how everything works.

0

261.15 - 262.493 Shane Gillis

So I'm just like, talk to him.

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262.794 - 265.44 Matt McCusker

I'm never going to.

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265.921 - 267.766 Shane Gillis

Do you get gay couple phobia every now and again?

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267.786 - 276.665 Matt McCusker

Yes. The neighbor, dude, the neighbor is the man. What? The neighbor is the man. Fuck, that rules. He came outside shirtless. Yes. He used to play ball at Texas.

277.327 - 277.567 Unknown

What?

277.787 - 300.579 Matt McCusker

Yeah, he's an older lineman. Came out with his big dog. A dog was with him. That was great. God, that's the best. And he was just like... At the end, he was like... So who's thinking about moving in here? I was like, yeah, me. And he's like, where are the women? It's just you and that black guy? Worst nightmare. He had like, yeah, Blue Lives Matter shit on his truck.

301.722 - 319.404 Matt McCusker

It's just an interracial gay couple being like... This is a fabulous neighborhood. He could be a problem. He was, that was the discussion in the car. That's the type of guy that could eventually, me and I might have to have a shootout with him and his dog. Eventually.

319.825 - 320.686 Unknown

We could be boys.

Chapter 4: What insights were shared about the impact of parenting on personal life?

397.829 - 416.375 Matt McCusker

What's the fence situation? I don't want to give away. This is hardly a fence. And the whole house is, my house is, that I would buy would be like just glass. That guy's going to watch me and LeMaire naked. Just at different levels? Two different fat naked guys.

0

416.395 - 417.256 Shane Gillis

Maybe you guys would catch.

0

417.336 - 431.018 Matt McCusker

I'm sure he's prancing around as well. I think, yeah. Damn. I think we might have the most vicious three-way of all time. That would end the world. Yeah. If me, LeBaron, that old guy had sex.

0

431.038 - 432.439 Shane Gillis

It's like the Hadron Collider.

0

432.98 - 449.837 Matt McCusker

It would create the God particle. Yeah, it would. I mean, that's, of all the... It could be a triple heart attack. It could be a simultaneous... It'd be like when they find those, like, rat... There's, like, rat nests, what are those called? When they all get stuck... A rat, yeah.

450.172 - 455.143 Unknown

We'll find us all stuck together and dead.

455.163 - 477.371 Shane Gillis

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477.731 - 488.209 Shane Gillis

And during the playoff, during the playoffs, make a $5 lineup with a live NBA pick for a shot at the do it live sweepstakes trip to the NBA finals.

488.389 - 491.434 LeMaire Lee

That's a rough one.

Chapter 5: What humorous theories did the hosts discuss regarding their new neighbor?

614.458 - 638.782 Matt McCusker

Now it's real. Yeah. Oh, this is tough. Oh, I got good bird news. What do you got? I have seen some wrens kicking around. They're out behind there. Are they really? But a hawk, two hawks have moved in. Not into the Bud Light box, but just right here. They're hawking. There's two hawks. It's very exciting. Yo. Some red-shouldered hawks.

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639.103 - 640.585 Shane Gillis

Yeah, I was just about to ask for the ID.

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640.665 - 645.452 Matt McCusker

Yeah, red-shouldered hawks. Fuck, dude. I don't know if they come to Texas, but yeah, red-shouldered hawks.

0

645.492 - 646.353 Shane Gillis

How'd you ID? You went off?

0

646.954 - 654.885 Matt McCusker

Yeah, but it was pinged in, like, Pennsylvania. Gotcha. Yeah. Sent a picture to a friend, and they AI'd it.

655.034 - 656.597 Shane Gillis

Your phone can do it.

656.757 - 660.964 Matt McCusker

Yeah, I could have done it, but they did it for me. I sent them a picture of the hawk. I said, check this shit out.

660.984 - 662.406 Shane Gillis

It's more satisfying, honestly.

662.446 - 669.738 Matt McCusker

Again, that's most of my day. I was just standing in the pool, just looking at a hawk. I got to send this to my boys, dude.

Chapter 6: How do the hosts view the experience of watching classic movies?

1249.717 - 1261.097 Shane Gillis

I was outside of Naples. We took my family to the zoo, and there was a tiger cage, and no one could see the tiger. My kids were like, I can't see it. Where is it? I'm like, you know a trick for seeing tigers? And they're like, what is it? I'll turn for the camera.

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1261.117 - 1269.692 LeMaire Lee

I went... Jesus Christ.

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1271.107 - 1277.055 Matt McCusker

We are old men. It's just an old dad racist at the zoo.

0

1277.075 - 1287.068 Unknown

Nobody left. Just my wife hopped and walked away. I was like, that was good. That was good. That was a good one.

0

1287.088 - 1289.992 Matt McCusker

I haven't seen that one in fucking 40 years.

1290.012 - 1297.222 Shane Gillis

That's a good one. You never get the opportunity to bust that out. My kids were like, how do you do it? I hit them with it. They're like, what? I was like, just keep going.

1297.422 - 1308.119 Matt McCusker

They're going to break that out in school. Obviously another kid's going to talk about tigers at school. At their age, tigers is like top five conversation pieces.

1308.18 - 1320.216 Shane Gillis

Yeah, it was a fun one. Hopefully I turn far enough out of the camera. I think we can... Fuck it. We can just blur. Are we a black box?

1320.616 - 1325.683 Matt McCusker

We already do. The white boys already went dumb, dude. Pandora's box is already open.

Chapter 7: What are the hosts' thoughts on the implications of communism?

2284.264 - 2286.687 Shane Gillis

And I was just like, kind of.

0

2286.707 - 2293.997 Matt McCusker

We'll see. Well, that's what happened to me watching fucking Train Dreams. I was like, man, this guy's life is awesome.

0

2294.518 - 2297.802 Unknown

I was going to bed like, what the fuck was that?

0

2300.245 - 2303.929 Matt McCusker

It's sad as hell. That could have been why I woke up with the Irish good morning.

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2304.45 - 2304.91 Shane Gillis

That'll do it.

2305.051 - 2311.398 Matt McCusker

The Irish good morning is just like, look at you, you piece of shit. Your life's in shambles.

2312.299 - 2317.165 Shane Gillis

Told you my mom hit me up the other day with just the worst news about people I don't even know.

2317.445 - 2318.046 Matt McCusker

I was like, thanks.

2318.306 - 2324.994 Shane Gillis

That's horrible. That's absolutely horrible. I guess this is a little grim. I'm like, yeah, I don't need this right now.

Chapter 8: How did the conversation shift to discussing Mao Zedong's policies?

3097.072 - 3102.14 Shane Gillis

It would be nice. Even if I got, like, really hurt, just bury me right in the center ring.

0

3102.16 - 3108.028 Matt McCusker

Sprained wrist. That's it. I'm done, dude. Bury me at the scrapyard.

0

3109.87 - 3130.786 Shane Gillis

Oh, I didn't tell you. Speaking of bury me, dude, my brother had, he was in the shower. He was telling me about it. It was killing me. He was in the shower, and he was just, like, soaping himself up, and he felt a little lump on the testes. And he goes, fuck, dude. He's just like, that's it. I'm dead. Like, I'm not doing anything. I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just going to ride this out.

0

3131.228 - 3143.839 Shane Gillis

It's over, bro. I got the big C. I'm out. And then as he's investigating, he's like, what the fuck? And he found out it was a tick. Oh, my God. That had burrowed. Oh, my God.

0

3143.859 - 3144.26 Unknown

Halfway.

3144.44 - 3163.455 Shane Gillis

I know, dude. So he had it burrowed in to his nuts. And once he found this out, he was like, he went to his wife and was like, yo, you got to get this thing out of me. Oh, my God. So, dude, he goes, he was like, first of all, big mistake. Both me and my dad were like, you got to go to the emergency. You can't have your wife do that.

3163.638 - 3165.641 Shane Gillis

Because they don't, dude, they're going to just pick you right apart.

3165.661 - 3166.082 Matt McCusker

Leave the head in.

3166.723 - 3188.603 Shane Gillis

Dude, well, it's just also there's, women don't have a, you know, they don't realize how truly sensitive and, like, terrifying that is to get hit in the nuts or, like, have a tick in there of all things. So, I mean, if it was soaking, if it was, like, sucking cum out of you, that'd be sick. But, like, just all day, like, fuck. It was on your epididymis. That was a different thing.

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