Ep 626 - Oil Boy (feat. Dru Montana & Lemaire Lee)

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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast 1h 5m 5 speakers 7 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

LeMaire Lee 0:00
The Wild Wild West. The polar bear's head in a fishbowl. We didn't start it.
Matt McCusker 0:08
I'm not including any of this.
Dru Montana 0:10
We don't have to, dude.
Matt McCusker 0:11
And we're starting now. Hey, guys. What's going on? Hey, Matt. Dude, you guys saw I got a case of water before. I ordered it on GoPuff. GoPuff, usually drivers, humble lads in this area. Humble lads, when they hand me, usually give me the case. I get the big case of Mountain Valley water. And they fucking, they'll honestly kind of pump me up a little bit. Whoa, it's okay.

What happens when a GoPuff delivery goes wrong and why does it spark a rant about ‘unicycle’ drivers?

Matt McCusker 0:36
And I'm like, bro, muy fuerte. And it's like kind of a fun thing I enjoy. I just had the misfortune of getting like a unicycle white guy as a delivery guy.
Dru Montana 0:47
No Grande Aguas today.
Matt McCusker 0:49
I got the Grande Aguas, but it was just nothing but fucking unicycle attitude. I call him. I'm like, yo, dude, I'm coming out. Where you at? He's like, I'm on the corner of blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm in the middle of the street, dude. Like come to the middle. Oh, he just like all attitude. I'm like, yeah, he had the unicycle around.
LeMaire Lee 1:08
He wasn't on the unicycle.
Matt McCusker 1:11
I know for a fact he's a unicycle white. I was like, no, I know this guy's unicycle guy. Dude, I remember whatever the fuck it's called. What is it? It's called the unicycle.
Dru Montana 1:20
Like the one wheel power drill. i don't like those i saw a guy on a unicycle when i was in like middle school and they were like older kids that were smoking weed and i was just hanging around and i was trying to sound cool and i asked the guy if he could do a wheelie on it and they were all like what are you fucking retard like obviously i can't fucking wheelie i was like my bad i'll just go to my mom's or whatever to be fair kind of embarrassing to ride a wheelie list craft yeah right yeah like you guys are fine and also you can technically lean the front up and do that's what i was thinking dude yeah my head
Matt McCusker 1:50
A manual. You're asking about a manual.
LeMaire Lee 1:52
Yeah, right. You can bounce that thing. You can pogo stick a unicycle.
Matt McCusker 1:57
Dude, they get no air. Unicycle guys get no air. That's why they're so fucking tested. They're riding a craft and they get the least air out of any rider.
Dru Montana 2:06
Absolutely no air. No air whatsoever. A flightless bird.
Matt McCusker 2:11
They're like an ostrich. This guy was a fucking grump. I was like, hey, I'm here. I'm like, all right, dude. It's not what the address doesn't say to sit on the fucking corner, dude. It's a big ass case of water. So I'm like, well, I'm in the middle of the street. I just come down here. I come out. He's already in the middle of the street. I don't know why he said he was on the corner. I'm like, oh, he's like, I'm over here. I'm like, okay. So I go up. And then he's like, hands me, I have a tiny case of liquid death, the big mountain valley, hands me a liquid death first. I'm like, okay, bro, how am I going to hold the liquid death and grab the key? So I'm like, put the liquid death down on his car. Yeah, brookie and snack.
Dru Montana 2:46
Or he's never built a snowman before.
Matt McCusker 2:48
Yeah, clearly. Oh, just nothing but attitude, dude. Not even like, I mean, again, I was just sorely missing my humble lads. I put the liquid death down because I'm like, dickhead, I can't hold that and hold this. And so he's like, oh, it's heavy. I shouldn't have done this. But I was like, don't worry, the big guns are taking over. I gave the unicycle light a tiny barb.
LeMaire Lee 3:13
I said, brother, the big guns got it from here, man. That was dad energy, dude. You hit him with some dad energy. He needs some discipline.
Matt McCusker 3:18
I gave him some dad energy.
LeMaire Lee 3:20
I did give him dad energy.
Matt McCusker 3:21
Hit him with the big guns. Especially a guy roughly my same age. Kind of criminal to son another adult.
Dru Montana 3:27
You go watch this.
Matt McCusker 3:30
i want to go go puff like why didn't your driver tell me how strong i was when i was taking a case of water i had to big up myself i had to pick up myself because there wasn't a mexican guy there to do it for me i'm gonna say the big guns take it over brother don't worry about it i think that's got to be a requirement for go puff is like you got to be able to carry 35 to 50 pounds i'd imagine dude yeah i go puffed once and i got an old lady and i had to like help her it was just like 32 waters i had to go to her car and help her like move it i was like

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