Talking About Money Stresses Me Out. Can It Get Easier? (Listener Intervention)
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Why is talking about money difficult for most people?
I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. Most of us will talk about anything, anything before we talk about money. It's literally in the description of my show because this blows my mind. Most of my friends would rather cover truly anything before money. Body stuff, embarrassing moments, crazy bad first dates, anything. But these conversations are so important because there's a lot to learn from the people around us, and in some cases, a lot to avoid. This is another episode I teamed up with Bank of America on because we both believe that talking to loved ones about money is essential and we want to make it easier.
How can discussing money improve your financial health?
Today's money rehabber breaks out into a cold sweat whenever he talks to his friends about money. And sometimes that costs him. Today we'll go through strategies that will make these conversations easier. So let's get started. Liam, welcome to Money Rehab. So what's on your mind?
What are common fears about discussing finances with friends?
Well... I get really anxious when I think about talking to my friends about money. I'm doing pretty well with my job and I have some money saved, but I have some friends who are making a lot more money than me and it's kind of created a few problems. They just spend so much money when we go out and I don't want to spend money like that. But I also don't want them to stop inviting me to things. I know they're investing and I'd like to ask them about how they're doing that, but I just don't want to sound dumb. But I guess it all boils down to just not feeling comfortable talking about anything when it comes to money.
First of all, this is so, so common. Talking about money can be really uncomfortable. I definitely felt that way once upon a time. It's been really empowering to be able to speak the language of money with anyone, family, friends, business partners, romantic partners. Who do you talk to about money right now?
Pretty much my parents. I've always felt like I could talk to them about money.
Okay, that's great. And who would you like to have these conversations with?
It's really just my college friend group that I feel like I can't talk to about this stuff.
What strategies can make talking about money easier?
And what's holding you back?
I don't know. I guess just what I said before about not wanting to sound dumb or telling them that I want to spend less when we hang out or the fear that they might just hang out without me if I say that I don't want to spend that kind of money.
Yeah, I mean, I get that money is so personal. Money without meaning is just paper, but we often put a lot of meaning behind this stuff. So basically, you feel like you're spending more money than you have budgeted for because of this pressure. Is that right?
Yeah, definitely.
Have you ever had a friendship breakup because of money?
How to handle friendship dynamics when money is involved?
Kind of, actually. My freshman year college roommate and I were pretty tight for the first semester. But second semester, all of my savings were pretty much dried up. And he really liked to go out and eat and go on big trips on long weekends and stuff. So I stopped being able to do that stuff with him. And then we just kind of drifted apart.
And did you guys have a conversation about that?
No, I guess we never really talked about it.
Well, let me ask you, have you ever had a conversation about money with a friend?
Man, I guess not.
What do you actually think is the worst thing that could happen if you start having more conversations with your loved ones about money? And here's why I ask. There's this principle of stoicism that says we suffer more in imagination than in reality. So I do think it's important to picture the worst case scenario because it's probably not that bad.
Worst case scenario, my college friends stop inviting me out and stop including me in things like trips and fantasy football. And then I kind of drift apart from the friend group and then I get cut out.
Let me just say, more people struggle with this than you think. According to a survey from Bank of America, almost three in five millennials slash Gen Zers have drifted apart from a friend due to financial reasons. But I think there are strategies that you can put into place to protect your friendships and your wallets. But first, I have to ask, do you actually like these people?
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
Why is talking about money difficult for most people?
0:02–0:50
2
How can discussing money improve your financial health?
0:50–1:06
3
What are common fears about discussing finances with friends?
1:06–2:08
4
What strategies can make talking about money easier?
2:08–2:46
5
How to handle friendship dynamics when money is involved?
2:46–4:19
6
How to be the planner and manage social spending?
4:19–10:50
Speakers
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