Dynamics in Neurodiverse Relationships-Greg Fuqua
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What is the purpose of the Neurodiverse Love Docuseries and who is hosting the episode?
Welcome to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. I'm Mona Kay and I was married for 30 years and in that relationship for 32. We didn't find out that we were a neurodiverse couple until our 29th year of marriage. I've been divorced since 2018 and together we have an amazing adult daughter who is thriving and doing fantastic. My hope is that as you navigate your relationship, that the information shared in this podcast will help you better understand the strengths, differences, and challenges you may have in your mixed neurotype relationship. If you would like to learn more about the resources I have available, I hope you will also check out my website at neurodiverselove.com. And I also hope you will subscribe to the podcast and let me know what you like about each episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the neurodiverse love podcast. Hey, Greg, it's so great to see you. I love talking to you. I love hearing everything that you share about neurodivergence and this whole world of neurodiverse relationships. So thank you so much for being here at the neurodiverse love conference.
My pleasure. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to give my little talk.
Yeah. so you have some powerpoint slides so we'll get those on so you can get started talking about dynamics and neurodiverse relationships
great um yeah thanks so much for having me welcome everybody that's listening to the nerdiverse love conference so my name is greg fuqua um and you may have heard me on mona's podcast um or our youtube channel I'm really happy to be here and happy to talk about something that I want to put out a little bit more out into the airwaves in some way, shape, or form. And it's really about the ADHD and autistic pairing that seems so common all the time. And I work with neurodiverse couples as a primary focus, primary clinical focus. And I'm a licensed mental health counselor. And yeah, I specialize in working with neurodivergent couples, neurodiverse couples, and neurodivergent individuals. And so this talk is going to be about the most common dynamics I see in neurodiverse relationships.
And they're going to revolve around this ADHD and autistic pairing that I'll sort of talk about more as presentations than, you know, full you know typical diagnostic criteria you know so we will even see these types of dynamics in in couples that don't maybe have full-blown um criteria met for either diagnosis and i'll talk a little bit that about that as we get through the talk So the agenda is really simple. I'm going to do a little introduction, talk a little bit about me, and then we're going to get into these dynamics I see between ADHDers and autistics. And we're just going to focus on emotional dynamics and communication dynamics. These two things obviously will clearly overlap in ways. And again, we'll talk about that.
We'll talk about some of the problems we see, the typical dynamics, And that'll give us a template for also how to work through those differences, which are largely polarities or opposites sort of thing. So there's an opposites attract sort of thing that we see here. So I'm self-identified autistic, and that happened pretty late in my life, maybe five, six years ago. My wife, And her therapist figured that out before me. My wife also, surprise, surprise, happens to be an ADHD-er as well. She is also a late identified. And unbeknownst to us, we have been in a 34-year relationship, neurodiverse relationship. And we have gone through it all. The good, the bad, the hard, the almost a breakup thing. And then a lot of shifts and changes that we both made.
And that has obviously informed my work with other neurodiverse couples as well as a lot of my own clinical experience around that. So I do specialize with neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples. I am a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Iowa. And I run my own private practice called Divergent Counseling, Coaching, and Consulting. And I do coaching and consulting nationwide and also some international folks. And I'll have some contact information at the end so you can feel free to shoot me questions, referrals, or if you're interested in a consultation or interested in coaching or something else, you can reach out to me.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the purpose of the Neurodiverse Love Docuseries and who is hosting the episode?
0:00–8:27
2
How does Greg Fuqua introduce his background and the focus on ADHD‑Autistic pairings?
8:27–25:53
3
Why do opposite neurotype traits (ADHDer vs. Autistic) create a magnetic attraction in relationships?
25:53–35:40
4
What are the core emotional dynamics (pursuer/avoidant, enmeshment vs. ownership) that appear in ND couples?
35:40–44:04
5
How do ADHDers’ externalized communication styles differ from Autistics’ internalized style?
44:04–48:50
6
What practical tools does Greg recommend for balancing co‑regulation, self‑regulation, and emotional boundaries?
48:50–53:41
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
Lessons Learned & Lived Experiences: Mona’s Final Solo Episode
Improving Regulation & Communication-Jill Corvelli, Daniel Dashnaw, Barbara Grant & Jessie Mahoney
How is Neurodivergence Impacting Your Relationship?-Karen Doherty
Could I Really Be Autistic? Your First Steps to Self Discovery-Sarah Hendrickx
Imposter Syndrome, RSD, PDA & More-Panel Presentation from 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference
Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan