During this episode with Dr. Nan Wise, who is a neuroscientist, sex therapist, and relationship counselor you will learn how to better understand yourself and your partner and how you can each regulate your nervous systems. In addition, other topics that are addressed include: Learning how to radically accept where you are as an individual and a couple. Understand the core emotional systems: seeking system; care system; play system; lust system. Defensive systems: fear system; rage system; panic/grief/sadness. Understanding core differences between you and your partner and different ways of handling emotions. Build bridges between the differences. Most people argue over “matters of opinion”. Get the understandable part of your differences and maintain a nonjudgmental attitude. The negative impact of not learning how to take an effective stance for what you “need and want” in your relationship. Learn how to ask for what you want and need “like a calm broken record”. We need to learn how to regulate ourselves and shift out of flight, fight, or freeze mode. Elongating exhalation-make the exhale longer then the inhale and this will help rebalance our core emotions out of a defense system. Calming our nervous system to co-regulate with our partner. Learn how to tune into the body channel. Everyone feels their embodied emotions. Learn how to pay attention to the core sensations in your body. Understanding cognitively infused emotions. The importance of changing patterns to feel safe in our relationships because we’re not understanding each other. Learn how to move from disconnection to connection by syncing your breath to entrain. Eye contact, listening to a partners voice or speaking in a calm way can help with co-regulation and promote connection. The benefit of heart coherence and giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and not assuming. Learning how to do deep/active listening and “take a session”. The listener says “What I hear you saying is_____. Is that correct? Is there more?” We “project” onto each other and may not understand that we are doing that. There are different kinds of marriages and the most challenging times can be when we have children and when the children leave home. How can you create a “sustainable” relationship? Relationships break down because they’re pointing out to us how we need to grow as human beings. Give yourself and your partner the benefit of the doubt, learn how to reset your nervous system, and take 100% responsibility for what “you” are creating in your relationship. You can contact Dr. Nan Wise at www.askdoctornan.com You may also want to buy her awesome book titled: "Why Good Sex Matters-Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier and a More Purpose Filled Life". (Book/workbook by Brent Atkinson that Dr. Nan Wise mentioned in the podcast is "Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships ".)

Ask this episode

“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.