Identifying Domestic Violence in Neurodiverse Relationships-Brooke LaLone
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. I'm Mona Kay and I was married for 30 years and in that relationship for 32. We didn't find out that we were a neurodiverse couple until our 29th year of marriage. I've been divorced since 2018 and together we have an amazing adult daughter who is thriving and doing fantastic. My hope is that as you navigate your relationship, But the information shared in this podcast will help you better understand the strengths, differences, and challenges you may have in your mixed neurotype relationship. If you would like to learn more about the resources I have available, I hope you will also check out my website at neurodiverse love dot com. And I also hope you will subscribe to the podcast and let me know what you like about each episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. Hi, Brooke. It's really great to see you again. And thank you so much for joining us at the Neurodiverse Love Conference.
Hi Mona, thank you so much for having me back. Um, it's an honor. Um, I'm really excited to share. Some updates and hopefully some resources for everyone attending.
Wonderful. Yeah, we're gonna talk about an issue that I haven't really talked much about on the Neurodiverse Love podcast and hasn't been addressed a lot. Um, we're gonna talk about domestic violence and you're gonna share a little bit about where you are right now. Could you talk to a little bit about your neurodiverse relationship on the podcast. And I just turn it over to you and let you give everybody kind of an overview of what's been going on with you.
Yeah. Um, to give everyone an update and also for those who might not have listened to my episode, I believe it was back in August or September of Twenty, twenty three. Um it's been a whirlwind um since then. Um, my Ex husband was diagnosed with autism. in the spring of twenty twenty three and I came on to discuss a lot of The challenges in our marriage centered around what I believed was autism and was at that time very hopeful that this diagnosis could open up some doors for support, um, understanding and for us to move forward and heal from a lot of trauma that was going on. Um however at the time in January of twenty twenty four, um, I made the decision to ask for a separation and divorce. Things got
Very volatile, very quick. Um and in the last year have done a lot of reflection and learning about domestic violence myself. Um, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist in Rochester, New York. And I believe a lot of the things that were going on in my marriage almost were How do I want to say this? Um Like it it felt maybe invisible or the domestic violence might have been downplayed for different reasons, not just because of the autism diagnosis. Um so wanna share with others since this can be a really tricky spot, I think for a lot of neurodivergent individuals or couples relationships trying to figure out what is maybe the neurodiversity piece of this, what can be supported versus what is can be dangerous or abusive.
Yeah, it's so important. And so for those of you that are listening to this particular session, we'll also have some resources available. And if this s resonates with you, if you feel like you're in a situation where you're experiencing intimate partner violence, domestic violence. that you get help. Um and we'll list some of the hotlines that are available. So I'd love if you could share how Um a little bit about why domestic violence may or may not be easily identified in a neurodiverse relationship.
Yeah. Well, I'll start with that um This topic is very nuanced and complex, so I'm going to try to keep it as concise as possible.
Um,
but encourage others to do their own resource uh research and can even
What personal experiences does Brooke share about recognizing domestic violence in neurodiverse relationships?
Uh reach out for questions or support, I do offer some coaching, um, even if you're not in New York State around this topic now. Um But I believe in general, regardless of neurotype, neurotypical or neurodivergent. Um Domestic violence can be really hard to identify. And I've had conversations with um colleagues who are also mental health clinicians.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–4:20
2
What personal experiences does Brooke share about recognizing domestic violence in neurodiverse relationships?
4:20–7:55
3
How did Brooke’s ex‑husband’s autism diagnosis affect their marriage and the emergence of abuse?
7:55–18:50
4
Why is psychological abuse often overlooked in neurodiverse couples?
18:50–28:35
5
What are the Power and Control Wheel and the Equity Wheel, and how can they help identify abuse?
28:35–29:05
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
Lessons Learned & Lived Experiences: Mona’s Final Solo Episode
Improving Regulation & Communication-Jill Corvelli, Daniel Dashnaw, Barbara Grant & Jessie Mahoney
How is Neurodivergence Impacting Your Relationship?-Karen Doherty
Could I Really Be Autistic? Your First Steps to Self Discovery-Sarah Hendrickx
Imposter Syndrome, RSD, PDA & More-Panel Presentation from 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference
Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan