Neurodiverse Mediation: Clients with Adult Autism, ADHD, and PTSD-Nicole Knowlton
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What is neurodiverse mediation and who does it serve?
Welcome to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. I'm Mona Kay and I was married for 30 years and in that relationship for 32. We didn't find out that we were a neurodiverse couple until our 29th year of marriage. I've been divorced since 2018 and together we have an amazing adult daughter who is thriving and doing fantastic. My hope is that as you navigate your relationship, But the information shared in this podcast will help you better understand the strengths, differences, and challenges you may have in your mixed neurotype relationship. If you would like to learn more about the resources I have available, I hope you will also check out my website at neurodiverse love dot com. And I also hope you will subscribe to the podcast and let me know what you like about each episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. Hey, Nicole. It's so great to see you. And you know, I had so many great conversations with you when you were a guest co-host for the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. So I'm so glad that you were able to present at the Neurodiverse Love Conference. Thank you so much.
I am so happy to be here. Thank you, Mona. It's so good to see you again. And um I'm I'm just grateful to be able to be part.
Thank you so much. And I know the topic we're going to discuss today is something I don't think I've ever talked about before. And it's neurodiverse mediation. And I know this is something that is your area of expertise and you do a lot of. So maybe we can start by having you share. A little bit about What neurodiverse mediation entails? How is it different?
Okay, so neurodiverse mediation is different in that I I specialize in working with adults and families that are neurodivergent. Um most clients are autistic. Uh, they might have ADHD or PTSD or any combination of the three. Uh most of my cases involve divorce or and or parenting plan development. And I'm just starting to do some uh estate and trust disputes. And that's you know becoming more prevalent due to the aging population.
Sure.
And can you guess which one is? the messiest and the most difficult to navigate.
Yeah, I'm guessing the estate one because I know what it was like in my family. It was crazy.
You're absolutely right. Am I right? Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's it's so difficult for families that have, you know, lifetime of history and sibling issues. And relationships, you know, unfortunately end. Um if they don't handle the process, you know, in a healthy way or a productive way. It's really sad. So
Yeah, so
you know, people are fine.
Yeah. So for those folks that aren't familiar with mediation to begin with. But specifically neurodiverse mediation. What is involved? What do you do to help families in this process? What does it look like?
Mediation is an option where I'll use divorce as an example. Uh some individuals believe that you need to hire an attorney. Both parties hire an attorney and then they go to court and they have all of their uh assets, parenting plans, um custody. support all of that is worked out with their lawyers and a judge. And so that is very expensive and it's very um contentious. The law is really not uh set up to Best support a family, a long-term relationship in the family, and certainly not in the best interest of the children, because preserving that relationship is so critical for parents and you know for families and the children. And so what a mediator does is I meet with the parties and I help facilitate
the settlement agreement, the parenting plan. We meet, we do what's considered transformational work where it's not just litigation or uh just talking about assets and um things of that nature. It's it's more about, for example, uh when we do custody. arrangements and think about the children. We do an exercise where we envision Imagine you're at a wedding, your child's wedding, and both parents are there. How do you want that? energy to be how do you want that relationship to be think of your child and so you know most individuals that that use attorneys or go through litigation and not mediation they're not thinking long term right they're just in the moment there's so much emotion and it just it's not considering how to preserve the relationship long term
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is neurodiverse mediation and who does it serve?
0:00–7:29
2
How does Nicole define the scope of neurodiverse mediation (divorce, parenting, estate disputes)?
7:29–16:01
3
What challenges do neurodivergent clients face during traditional mediation?
16:01–23:18
4
How does ‘bird‑nesting’ work and why is it helpful for neurodivergent families?
23:18–30:38
5
How do hormonal cycles (PMS, PMDD, menopause) affect mediation outcomes for neurodivergent partners?
30:38–31:36
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
Lessons Learned & Lived Experiences: Mona’s Final Solo Episode
Improving Regulation & Communication-Jill Corvelli, Daniel Dashnaw, Barbara Grant & Jessie Mahoney
How is Neurodivergence Impacting Your Relationship?-Karen Doherty
Could I Really Be Autistic? Your First Steps to Self Discovery-Sarah Hendrickx
Imposter Syndrome, RSD, PDA & More-Panel Presentation from 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference
Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan