Sensory and Sex-Ashley Grubbs
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What is the overall focus of the Neurodiverse Love episode with Dr. Ashley Grubbs?
Welcome to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. I'm Mona Kay and I was married for 30 years and in that relationship for 32. We didn't find out that we were a neurodiverse couple until our 29th year of marriage. I've been divorced since 2018 and together we have an amazing adult daughter who is thriving and doing fantastic. My hope is that as you navigate your relationship, But the information shared in this podcast will help you better understand the strengths, differences, and challenges you may have in your mixed neurotype relationship. If you would like to learn more about the resources I have available, I hope you will also check out my website at neurodiverselove.com. And I also hope you will subscribe to the podcast and let me know what you like about each episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. Hi, Ashley. It's really good to see you again. It's been a while. You were one of our first guests on the Neurodiverse Love podcast. So it's really nice to be able to hear from you again. And thank you for joining me at the Neurodiverse Love Conference.
Yeah, thanks for having me. Happy to be here.
Yeah, it's it's a pleasure to have you here. And today you're going to be talking about a subject that I know is a challenge for a lot of neurodiverse couples, and that's sex, and specifically sensory issues and differences around sex. So I'm going to step away so your slides can come on the screen and I'll be back after your presentation.
All right, so really the the broad overview of what I see a lot in my practice is couples who are coming in really wanting to improve their intimacy and their sex life, and one or both of them really having completely opposite opposite sensory profiles and the things they're looking for and the problems that come up with it. So I'm gonna split this into two pieces. My first piece, we're gonna talk about some of those sensory issues and what they look like and expand on them a little. And then we'll end with what can we do? Where do we go to make sure we're having the sex life we want? So when we're breaking up senses, it's really important that we look at them holistically. So usually if someone was going to talk about how many senses they had, you would only talk about the first five.
So sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Really, your body has over 20 senses that impact you in the life you're living. And all 20 of those also impact sex and sexuality as well. For the sake of keeping it easy, we're going to focus on eight. So we're going to keep on those original five that most people would think of. And then we add three additional that come up a lot. So the first one we're going to add is balance. That's literally exactly what it sounds like. How do we fit in with the world around us? And how is the world fitting in with us? So it's pretty holistic. The second one we're gonna add is introsception. You also might see this written as your internal sense. So this is the idea that we can tell what's going on inside of our body.
So like hunger cues, do you have to go to the bathroom, stuff like that. And the third one we're going to add on top of it is proprioception. So that's the exact opposite. It's everything that's happening outside of our body. Do we feel hot? Do we feel cold? Are things too close to us? Stuff like that. So those will be the eight we're going to focus on.
How do sensory differences create challenges for neurodiverse couples during sex?
Okay, the first piece is the piece that is the most common for autistic people when they're coming in to talk about sex. And that's the idea that they're very hypersensitive. So really what this looks like is really quick to be overstimulated, feeling overwhelmed. And from a clinical perspective, we would say you can tell it's happening at a much quicker rate than someone who doesn't feel that overstimulation. So when we're looking at sight, some of the examples of that is just like not knowing where to look at. There's so much going on. I don't know where I'm supposed to focus. Do I look at my partner? Am I looking at the room? Um physical light can be really triggering.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the overall focus of the Neurodiverse Love episode with Dr. Ashley Grubbs?
0:00–3:25
2
How do sensory differences create challenges for neurodiverse couples during sex?
3:25–8:43
3
Which eight senses (including balance, interoception, and proprioception) affect intimacy the most?
8:43–14:34
4
What are common signs of hypersensitivity in sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch during intimacy?
14:34–19:02
5
How can couples address hyposensitivity (under‑stimulation) across the senses?
19:02–25:10
6
What practical strategies can improve balance, interoception, and proprioception for better sex?
25:10–31:17
7
Which simple environmental tweaks (lighting, sound, smell, texture) help manage sensory overload?
31:17–34:13
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
Lessons Learned & Lived Experiences: Mona’s Final Solo Episode
Improving Regulation & Communication-Jill Corvelli, Daniel Dashnaw, Barbara Grant & Jessie Mahoney
How is Neurodivergence Impacting Your Relationship?-Karen Doherty
Could I Really Be Autistic? Your First Steps to Self Discovery-Sarah Hendrickx
Imposter Syndrome, RSD, PDA & More-Panel Presentation from 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference
Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan