r/AITA My Wife Hates our Daughter
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Welcome to r slash am I the butthole, where OP's wife destroys her relationship with their daughter. Am I the butthole for telling my wife why our daughter doesn't trust her? So, for the last few years, I, a 36-year-old guy, and my wife, who's 34, have had a very strained relationship due to the way that my daughter and wife interact. It started when my daughter was 13. She came to her mother and confided her feelings about our family friend's son. My wife decided this was too cute to share and told everyone during a family barbecue, including the boy. This embarrassed my daughter and I told my wife to stop as this made our daughter upset. But my wife justified it at the time because they were just kids.
I've always known that my wife has a hard time keeping secrets. but I thought she would have at least tried since this was a touchy subject, especially for a growing teenager with her first real crush. After this incident, I started noticing things like this more, like my wife openly telling everyone our daughter's business. Admittedly, most of these incidents were unnoticed by me for years because they were usually conversations between my wife and her friends when I wasn't around, as she didn't like it when I interrupted girl time. However, I'm noticing more now, like my wife telling everyone about my daughter's business, like texts, phone calls, and other secrets that she's told her mom in the past when believing they wouldn't be told.
As everything progressed, my daughter started getting closer to me more, and I became the default parent who deals with medical issues, school drama, and crushes. Which has upset my wife because my daughter refuses to have girl talk with her anymore and is usually cold and doesn't like spending time with her. My wife decided to try to punish our daughter after finding out that she got her first boyfriend and wasn't told. Our daughter is 16 now and I don't feel like it's necessary to punish her for these things when she's made a conscious decision to protect her privacy. I know she still loves her mom, but I understand not sharing things she doesn't want to get spread or blown out of proportion. I came home to my wife yelling at our daughter and demanding her phone, her laptop, etc.
all over this situation, which made me very angry because my daughter was in tears and she's still my little girl and doesn't deserve to be punished over something her own mother caused. I told my wife to leave her alone and that we should talk, but I also told her to give back the items which my wife refused on and started screaming at me in front of our daughter. Eventually, after multiple attempts to calm her down so we could discuss this properly, my wife grabbed my arm and started digging her nails into my skin. And I had enough by then. I started ranting about how my wife always told our daughter's business to people, and how basically the whole family and friends around us knew everything about our daughter's personal life and medical history.
And then I told her it was her fault that our daughter doesn't trust her anymore. Which made my wife start crying, and she locked herself in the bedroom while I started comforting our daughter and went out to get some dinner. But now I'm home, and I'm getting some serious silent treatment from my wife, and I'm wondering if I could have possibly said something different. But I'm tired of her blaming our daughter every time she doesn't get told something.
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