Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
At Capella University, learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get support from people who care about your success, like your enrollment specialist who gets to know you and the goals you'd like to achieve.
Chapter 2: What happens when someone rubs my belly and implies I'm pregnant?
You'll also get a designated academic coach who's with you throughout your entire program. Plus, career coaches are available to help you navigate your professional goals. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.edu What if this was someone in your family that had a chronic illness that they could not get away from?
Millions of Americans live with a disease that has no cure. I was diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoma. The most immediate findings indicated that I should lose my leg. It ended up taking four clinical trials in 25 years to get me to this point. Cures are within reach if we invest in funding for life-saving medical research that's needed to find them.
Even if they're unsuccessful in my treatment, that they will have learned from my treatment that we'll be able to to allow others to stand on my shoulders to be able to be helped.
Chapter 3: How did I Annie my way into being adopted by rich people?
Join the fight for cures. Tell your elected representatives to support American medical research. Visit unitedforcures.org slash action to send a letter today. Paid for by United for Cures Action. Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today it's our final episode of Reddit Stories of 2025.
And the great thing is, it might be our final episode of Reddit Stories for 2025, but it is the first episode of Reddit Stories in a while that has our good friend, Amanda Leehan-Canto, who is busy talking to Angela.
Chapter 4: Why am I uncomfortable with my dad's new shirt?
Sorry. They've been talking for months now. But today, we have the wildest story. Sorry, sorry. We haven't been in a video together yet. Oh my God, we haven't been in a video together. Were you catching her on? Hi, Shane. Hi, Amanda. Yeah, we were just talking about fettuccine and, you know, farts.
Chapter 5: What happens when a wedding date is changed last minute?
That's so great. She goes, well, I barf a little when I have fettuccine. That's traditional. You know, I'm back. Yes. Yes. It feels good. It feels good to be back on this couch with this. God, I love this blanket. Absolutely nothing has changed. Nothing. Nothing. I love that. Shockingly, the same couch, same chair. And this. Yeah. But you have had her all day. Now I get her. Yeah, honey.
All right. So just keep the reading quick. Okay.
Chapter 6: What are the implications of a straight man saying vaginas are badly optimized?
Our producers, they've been saving these stories for this episode. These are some of the wildest stories they've come across this year, where they couldn't quite find the right spot for them, so they saved them for now. For us. They saved them for you. Yay. So I think we'll need to buckle up for this whole episode. Okay. Yeah. It's from here. Buckle, buckle. Yeah. It's one of the... Oh, my God.
Yeah, buckle. Yeah. Nice. We're at six flags. Yeah. Which is not a good omen. Bad omen. All right. All right, well, are we ready to hop in? I'm so ready. Okay, here we go. Our first story, Am I the Asshole? This was posted earlier this year, around April. Am I the asshole for snapping when someone rubbed my belly and implied I might be pregnant?
So today my office building was throwing a little fiesta themed event and they offered free lunch in the cafeteria. A bunch of us went down to grab food. While I was standing in line, I opened the Nest camera app to check on something and saw a little bird that's been showing up outside every day. I laughed and casually said to no one in particular, this bird comes to visit me every day.
Right after I said that, a coworker who has made pregnancy comments toward me before came up, rubbed my belly without asking, and said something like, maybe it's because you've got a baby bird on the way. I felt this immediate wave of rage. Like, why are we still doing this in 2025? So I said, don't be wishing that kind of bad luck on me.
She looked super taken aback, and my boss, who overheard, also looked at me like I just said something offensive. It felt like I was the crazy one for being upset, but I didn't ask to be touched. I'm not pregnant, and I don't really like people making those kinds of comments about my body. Now I'm wondering, am I the asshole for reacting the way I did?
Edit, I am not overweight, which only makes it weirder because I do not look pregnant. There's a couple of rays of sunshine trying to make me feel bad about my weight. Maybe I need to be more specific. My coworker did not do this out of my looks. That's why I'm concerned because even though, yes, I'm not the fittest person, I know I don't look pregnant. First of all, fiesta-themed party.
I thought the same thing. Fiesta-themed. I went, well, is it Cinco de Mayo, or what is it? That's the one thing I had trouble with. What is the translation of fiesta? Party. Yeah, party-party. Party-themed party. Yeah, party-themed party. And a little bit like saying that a bird is coming to you. That's, okay, I was gonna say, off the bat, You're weird. Yeah.
There's a little Cinderella wannabe thing. They might be a witch. Or is it Snow White, Snow White, Snow White? Could you imagine a universe where someone goes, hoo-hoo, this little birdie visits me, to no one. And then somebody comes out of nowhere and goes, maybe it's because you've got a little birdie. Maybe it's because you've got a bird on your head. Weird, weird. Also...
Yeah, touching a belly is, I will say when I was pregnant, I really enjoyed people touching my belly. I did, but it was pretty clear that I, it was at the clear point that I was pregnant. And was it anybody? Well, it wasn't the Trader Joe's guy. I mean, he did, and I was like, hey, walk me to my car. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm joking. I mean, every Trader Joe's guy did say, when do you do?
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Chapter 7: What are the reactions to a wedding email that changes plans last minute?
Yeah. Comments, not the asshole. Your boss was just giving their initial reaction to one employee verbally snapping at the other. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is followed up with comments confirming they believe you are in the wrong. OP is asking if they're the asshole for snapping back when someone grabbed their belly and said, maybe that's because there's a bird on the way. Yeah.
I think we know that they're not the asshole for that. Oh, no. Maybe it's because it's burning. Yeah, oh, they said it like that. I mean, of course that's fine. Yeah, it's just a joke. Someone said, not the asshole. Don't touch people's bodies. Don't comment about people's bodies. These are good life rules and imperative office rules. I'd be chatting with HR immediately if I were you.
Someone said, not the asshole, no touching, and no assuming a woman is pregnant until she tells you or you see the baby crowning. Even then, don't comment on it, she's busy. Someone said, normalize slapping people's hands away.
Someone said, not the asshole, I'm overweight and sometimes people think I'm pregnant, like asking me when I'm due, but no one has ever laid hands on me like some people do. I would lose my mind. I do not understand why people think that is okay to do to anyone. No, yeah, you should not be touching anyone without their permission. Or making assumptions. And also, you're at work.
It's kind of like... Yeah. It's an old-fashioned thing, too, that, like, I think older generations will, like, talk about people's bodies in a way that we're just like, that's just so not what people do anymore. They don't understand it. And they don't get it. They don't. They do not.
I think they think they're giving a, not in this case, but I think older generations sometimes thinks they're giving a compliment. Yeah. When it's like, you should not be saying that. Yeah. Right. But they actually do not understand. They do not understand. It's been unchecked for years of them saying this. But do we know how old? They don't say anything. We're just assuming.
I don't think we get anything about this co-worker who says all this stuff. Do we get... The whole thing is kind of weird, especially the bird. Especially the Fiesta-themed event. It's all kind of weird. Yeah, what do they have for food for the Fiesta-themed event? They don't even give the gender, the age, or anything of the coworker. The coworker is completely... See, we need that.
And it is true, because like... Yeah, we need to know. If they are over 70... It's still not okay, but it gives a little bit of understanding. Correct and correct. Yeah, OP left a comment about the coworker, so we get some more context. I am starting to think, in fact, that she is obsessed with me being pregnant.
She is always making comments about me getting pregnant, even though I have told her I am not interested in that, nor is my husband. He even got a vasectomy because we don't want kids. She got pregnant old, so she thinks I'm gonna change my mind. Most of the time, she's a very sweet lady, but this one thing is driving me crazy.
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Chapter 8: What are the consequences of a wedding planner's decisions?
Maybe I jump off a fucking cliff with a parachute and that's magic. There you go. You know, that worked, right? Yeah. That's my first time back. You're getting there. You're killing it. I'm going to land this plane. You're absolutely crushing it. I'm going to land it, and it's happening. These are all Mission Impossible references, and they're dope. And they're dope.
I watched all the Mission Impossibles. Hey. Hey. And, you know, what was more magical? There you go. Mission Impossible or having a kid. It's just such a dated. It's also just, like, it's problematic, too, to just assume all women could have babies. It's problematic to make their identity that. I mean, come on. We learned that, like, what? In 2002. What's going on? No, literally.
I talk about this a lot on Reddit, is we really need to understand that, like, when you look at a woman, Don't immediately think that she can have a child. But we're on Reddit. What do you mean? I was just making a joke about how Reddit's awful to women. Oh, I know. I'm so sorry. You were landing your plane.
I was landing my plane, and now we hit some turbulence because there's so many birds up in here. Little bird. Oh, a bird. Little bird is coming out. I take this stuff to the extreme where I will see someone who is like definitely pregnant. Like they are days away from having the baby. And I'll be like, I don't know. I'm going to pretend I don't see it. I do the same thing.
No, I do the same thing. I do not often go up to someone and go, when's your due date? Not at all. If I'm walking with my son and they are holding their back and walking and they're holding their belly and they're smiling at me like, I can't wait to get to that point, then I'll smile. I don't even say shit. Then I'll smile and I go, congrats. Yeah.
It can even feel a little inappropriate when I comment on someone's new haircut. It's their body. I'm not gonna talk about it. Wait, really? You can comment on my haircut. That was a weird joke. Unless it's bad. Okay, our next story is a confession. Ooh. It was posted in August. I was gonna say, you're safe here, babe. Don't worry, we're not recording this. Okay.
I annied my way into being adopted by rich people. What a brilliant title. Yeah.
Yeah.
So I've been thinking about how I was adopted, and I just realized I totally pulled an Annie on my parents. Now, they aren't Mr. Warbucks rich, but they're comfortable. They had taken me in as a foster kid when I was 11, and I really liked them. So about four months into them fostering me, I wrote them a whole song with choreography about wanting a family.
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