Why You Click With Some People & How to Pursue Anything with Excellence
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How can your phone impact your conversations?
If you like something you should know, you're probably a curious person who enjoys learning about the world. And if you're looking for more places to learn, you should know about a podcast from TED called How to Be a Better Human. The host, Chris Duffy, was recently a guest here talking about why he loves laughter and how you can find more of it in your everyday life. On How to Be a Better Human, Chris interviews scientists, experts, and TED speakers about fascinating practical topics from... How your dog experiences the world, to how to stop doom-scrolling, to how to find a deeper sense of belonging. You can find How to Be a Better Human wherever you listen to podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, how your cell phone can cause a big problem just by sitting there.
Then, the science behind why you just click with some people but not others.
There are things that can make you less likely to click. You cannot experience synchrony virtually. If you're not in another person's physical presence, you really can't experience synchrony to its fullest and richest extent.
Also, when you have extra money, what do you tend to spend it on? And what it means to pursue something with true excellence?
It means a couple of things, Mike. The first thing that it means is that you have to be okay with making yourself vulnerable and risking failure. So it's one thing to say you're going to give something your all. It's another thing to actually put yourself in the arena and make yourself vulnerable and risk failure. All this today on Something You Should Know.
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You know what I've started doing? I've started hiding my phone, and I'll tell you why. Hi, I'm Mike Carruthers. Welcome to Something You Should Know. So when I have an important conversation, like dinner out or a meeting with someone, I hide my phone, like fully gone, not face down on the table, not silenced. but gone in my pocket. Here's why. Even if you never touch your phone, just having it on the table changes how people see you. Research shows that people come across as less sincere, less engaged, and less trustworthy when a phone is visible. And the weird part is nobody can really explain why. They just feel it. Psychologists say it's because a phone on the table sends a quiet signal that this conversation could be interrupted at any moment.
And once that idea is in the room, the connection never quite gets off the ground. So if you want someone to feel like they have your full attention, whether you're trying to build trust... make a good impression, or just have a better conversation. Don't just silence your phone.
What does it mean to click with someone?
Remove it from sight. It's a small move, but it instantly makes you seem more present, more likable, and more dialed in. Which, in a world where everybody is half-distracted all the time, is a huge advantage to you. And that is something you should know. There is this magical moment, and I know you've experienced this probably several times, and that experience is this. You meet someone, you talk to them for a little while, and somehow you just click. Instant chemistry, like you were meant to be. Not just in romantic relationships, but in friendships, or as work colleagues, too. There's just something about when the two of you are together, you're in sync. And it can all be summed up with the phrase, we just clicked.
But what does it mean to click? Why do we click with some people and not others? Is it just chance that two people click, or can you make it happen?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How can your phone impact your conversations?
0:00–3:41
2
What does it mean to click with someone?
3:41–9:36
3
What is the science behind interpersonal synchrony?
9:36–16:00
4
What distinguishes true excellence from pseudo-excellence?
16:00–21:56
5
How can you pursue excellence without burning out?
21:56–29:03
6
What role does vulnerability play in achieving excellence?
29:03–32:12
7
How can you effectively raise the floor on bad days?
32:12–37:45
8
What is the relationship between enjoyment and excellence?
37:45–51:09
Speakers
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