Our three heroes are officially in over their heads.After accidentally killing a rhinoceros that belonged to Pablo Escobar (yes, that Pablo Escobar), Charlie, Sam, and Marcus must scramble to replace the beast—or face the wrath of a very-much-alive crime lord.Act Two turns the volume up on absurdity, as the guys tumble through hallucinogenic jungle rituals, cartel parties, DEA showdowns, a full-on rhino heist, and one unexpected monologue that might just save their lives.Starring:Tim Friedlander as the NarratorJim O'Heir as Charlie Bleeker – the neurotic, reluctant heroDarin Toonder as Marcus – the chaos agent with a trust fund and a dreamJeff Bergman as Sam – loyal, closeted, and occasionally clairvoyantWayne Lopez as Pablo Escobar – the crime lord-turned-cheesemaker with a soft spot for rhinosAndrea Savo as Lucia – a badass Colombian cop who’s more Indiana Jones than law enforcementKeylor Leigh as Audrey – Charlie’s sharp-tongued, no-bullshit ex-wifeLynette Coll as Maria Chung Escobar – Pablo’s power-tripping wife with a hair-trigger temperDustin Green as Agent Knowles – a DEA cowboy with a chip on his shoulderHolden Myers as Agent Martinez – the sidekick who really just wants empanadasWritten by Craig Goodwill & Sam Ruano, Pablo’s Rhino is a tequila-soaked thrill ride full of midlife panic, monkey knife fights, and unexpected heart.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Chapter 1: Who are the main characters and what is the setup of the story?
Tranquilo, hombre. No te pongas nervioso. Okay, act one, amigo. Act one left us on edge, no? These poor huevonas thinking they're on a relaxing little vacation, and they go and shoot a damn weed on cerros in the middle of the Colombian jungle.
We hear the click of a gun being loaded. The victim whimpers.
Then they realize, ay Dios, this isn't just any Reno. This is Pablo Escobar's Reno. And Pablo, rumor has it, not so dead after all. Let's listen and see if these idiotas can survive what comes next.
Cartel Guy spins the pistol's chamber and snaps it shut. Act 2. Exterior, deep jungle, day. Sam is still trying to process. Charlie's in shock, and Marcus Pace is trying to think it out.
Okay, okay, calm down. Escobar has been dead for years.
Supposedly. Supposedly? If the rumors are true and he really is still alive... Who the fuck keeps a fucking rhinoceros in fucking Columbia?
He hasn't been seen in ten years. If anything, this rhino is probably proof that he is dead.
The guys ponder the thought, simultaneously looking around the jungle, noticing at last that Ernie has taken off. Okay, we should get out of here. Ernie? Ernie? Ernie? Luis?
Luis! Ernie! Ernie! Luis!
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Chapter 2: What happens after the friends accidentally kill Pablo Escobar’s rhino?
Marcus takes off running. Charlie is right behind him. Guys, come on. I think if we just stay calm, we'll see that this is just... And Sam starts screaming for them to wait up.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait up!
Exterior, Jungle Road, night. They reach the clearing. There's no sign of Louise or Ernie.
Shit!
They took the truck. So we're stranded? Look, no one saw what happened but us, right? Ernie's not going to tell anyone. They were his guns. I say we're in the clear.
Sam and Charlie look at one another. He may be right...
So now what?
Now we get the fuck out of this country, and I mean now. Exterior, deep jungle, later. Knowles and Martinez pull up next to the dead rhino. Martinez hops out and checks the ear tag, displays it for Knowles.
Looks like these assholes came to send a message. And Rojas is making a play for the throne. One thing's for sure, if the rumors are true and Escobar really has been hiding this whole time, these fuckers may be the ones to flush him out.
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Chapter 3: How do Charlie, Sam, and Marcus deal with being stranded and robbed?
He's got a squirming rooster on his lap. Sam looks down at the rooster and back at the man.
You have a lovely cock.
May I stroke it? The man smiles, clueless as Sam pets his rooster. Charlie smacks him in the back of the head. The hell's the matter with you?
I can't help it.
The stress triggers my sass. Marcus returns and takes a seat.
He said we were close. Either that or he's taking us to the circus.
They all turn at the sound of a batshit-looking, one-eyed man slowly sharpening his machete, staring back at them.
If we survive that long... Oh, come on, can we just take a minute to appreciate everything?
Partying, tripping out with a local, shooting a rhino? I mean, if this doesn't get the old juices flowing, then nothing will.
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Chapter 4: What challenges do the friends face on the bus and in the jungle?
The bus comes to a stop. The driver opens the door. A cop with an assault rifle steps on and gives a cursory glance at everyone on the bus. Marcus has on the farmer's straw hat pulled over his eyes. Sam has a shawl wrapped snugly around his head while Charlie gnaws on a chicken talon. What's the problem?
Some idiots went and shot themselves. Time will tell.
The cop steps off the bus. The driver turns back to everyone to let them know what's going on. In Spanish. Naturally, the guys don't understand any of this. People start getting off the bus to stretch their legs. Sam gets up to follow.
Oh, where are you going? I have a shy bladder.
Charlie and Marcus look at each other left alone with the smiling machete man still sharpening his blade. Exterior, mountain road, day. Charlie and Marcus step out into the blinding sun. People mill about in front of the bus. Some sit, fanning themselves. Fruit, flour, and barbecue pork stands line the road. Sam stands in a long row of men peeing against a wall.
He checks out what the other guys have to offer, mildly impressed. The accident. The collisions between an overturned Jeep and a fruit truck. The driver of the fruit truck appears banged up, but otherwise unharmed. There's fruit everywhere. Marcus curiously steps in for a closer look and instantly recognizes Ernie and Louise. Their bodies are riddled with bullet holes.
Marcus freaks out at this and starts scanning the crowd. He turns to Charlie, who is at this moment dry heaving into a ditch.
Oh, that chicken claw is so not sitting well with me. Charlie, don't look.
It's Ernie.
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Chapter 5: How do the friends end up in jail and what is their plan to get out?
Who knew there was a dress code?
Marcus gestures toward the other inmates, cowering in the corner, keeping their distance from them.
Good news is, this makes you somewhat of a badass. Or a target, same diff. Okay, we gotta get out of here. No shit, Sam's working on it right now.
Pan over. We see Sam chatting up a prison guard. He winks coquettishly and walks back to Marcus and Charlie.
Okay, Guapito over there said he might be able to pull a few strings for us in exchange for a little action. Oh, fantastic. Seriously, bro, way to take one for the team. Oh, well, he didn't mean me. Guapito prefers to watch, so make it good.
Sam smiles deviously at one, then the other. Watch what? What are you talking about?
Oh, with him? Oh no, no way. Oh no, not gonna happen.
Marcus clues in.
What, you're too good for me? You're no prize. Relax, it's just a little kissing. Maybe some light petting. Newsflash, we are not gay. Look around, honey. In here, we're all a little Judy.
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Chapter 6: Who is Lucia and how does she become involved with the friends?
No, no, I can't do this.
It's true. Reason really does change a man.
Chapter 7: What is the status of the cartel war and the bounty on the friends’ heads?
Marcus looks up and sees Lucia. He shoves Charlie off him.
Please, don't stop on my account. And to sueño, you're here. No, no, no, see, that was... No, no, no, we were just... Sam and Guapito bust a gut.
The guard unlocks the cell.
Chapter 8: How do the characters plan to escape Colombia safely?
My partner was the one you threw up on. He agreed to let you go, provided you... How did he put it? Get your puto madre culos the fuck out of Colombia.
Oh, my God, I don't know how to thank you.
You can start by calling me Lucia, and don't thank me yet. It's not safe for you here. We received a tip that men are already on their way to collect the bounty on your heads. Why would someone put a bounty on us? You mean the three Americans who single-handedly reignited the cartel wars?
Oh, you heard about that.
They're saying you went on a shooting spree at a resort.
What? No, I never even fired a gun. Okay, once, but it was in self-defense.
Don't worry. You don't exactly strike me as gun-toting badasses. Anyway, the longer you are here, the worse for everyone. So, nos vamos.
They all file out. I really hope there's a gift shop at the airport. I got a ton of people expecting postcards. Lucia stops, considers this.
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