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Chapter 1: What happened in the previous episode of Taz Royale?
Previously on Taz Royale. You had a question?
Oh, yeah. Two things. One, piece of feedback to kind of mirror Loravith. That trial was really fucked up. I could... have a conversation with you, even if it's just a mental one, to ask you these questions.
Set does not register what you are saying to him at all.
Will you soon be getting to the part where you have a plan for undermining the infinitely powerful beings? He casts, uh, Leomund's Tiny Hut. The only way forward is to prepare for the ascension of the god-king, Pooper. ...
Hi everybody, welcome back to Taz Royale, our Battle Royale winner take all season of the Adventure Zone. Last time we were between trials after the arduous trial of necromancy in which we lost Burger Man and Formaggio Bucatini and the spider and another one of them.
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Chapter 2: What plans do Rictus, Helgrammite, and Lorovith discuss?
All of them. And Tommy Falcon, oh gosh, a heartbreaker.
I hope somewhere up there, Burger Man and Formaggio Bucatini are making some sort of crazy fusion meal that's perfect for Applebee's menu.
That's actually the, when you die in this world, you do go to Applebee's, so that is canon. Also, the eight remaining aspirants conspired to talk about their intentions for the remainder of the Conclave. And also, Loravith went to the library and learned maybe he's kind of a books guy. learning all about illusions, one of the two remaining trials.
That leaves us with Rictus and Hellgrammet with a little bit of free time before we get to the Atelier and the magic drafting part of this sort of mid-trial break. Hellgrammet, can we start with you? I believe that Hellgrammet wants to find out more about his Echo-Mite Queen. Okay. How would you like to pursue that information?
Well, I just remember that the last time when he went back and looked at the secret markings that were scratched in the ground, I would like him to try to sneak back there and visit that again. Because there was some kind of – I think he was able to – he feels like he could psychically connect again.
Okay. Yeah. Cool. I like that. So you're just going to your little spot in the woods by the Crystallarium where you were sort of... Okay, cool. There's nothing impeding you from doing that. You make your way to where you found this message from yourself that you could not remember in the woods when you...
sort of started to learn a little bit about what was going on with these insects that had spoken to you sort of psychically. You make your way there. The message is quite faded at this point. It's been quite a few days and there's been a bit of action all around the island. And so it's tough to quite make out the message, but it is still there.
And yeah, how are you trying to make contact if that's your sort of plan here?
I think that using that telepathy that goes between all those of his race, I think he's going to try to use it even just to try to reestablish contact with them.
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Chapter 3: How do the characters react to the trials they've faced?
Hey, can you guys imagine if all the races on Earth could communicate telepathically? I think it might go a little something like this. This again. No, we don't have time. Let him cook. Let him cook. Let's go alphabetical. Australians. Hold on.
Bad start. Okay, so what message... I don't really like shrimp. Oh, no! What message are you broadcasting? Dad is the bravest former radio drive-time DJ, Clint McRoy, will absolutely go to the fucking mat. Also, in Dad's mind, Australian telepathy doesn't have an accent, which I really appreciate. It's all for our benefit.
It's all, like, what is that, that transatlantic, you know, that just, like, standard newscaster kind of voice.
The spelling friendly among you will notice that I skipped the entirety of Africa. You are very welcome. I think the past five minutes have gone so much better.
Dad, what message is Hellgrammet sort of sending out? He's going to try to contact the dust mites.
And especially the dust mites.
Echo bites.
Huh? The echo bites. Dust mites are a different race altogether. I think if the dust mites could all talk to each other, it might go a little something like this. I hate shrimp. I love another couch, and I hate shrimp. Akari called him her mate, her consort, her king. And I think he really wants to know what's going on with that.
Fully understandable. Okay. All right. Go ahead and send out your message. If you could do it in character. Okay.
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Chapter 4: What is Hellgrammite's quest for knowledge about the Echo-Mite Queen?
Okay, that would be a nat 20. Amazing. Did you guys know that's the biggest number you can get?
Yeah, it's the biggest number there is. Sometimes I feel like 20 perception is kind of a curse, though, right? Sometimes you don't want to see everything that clearly.
Yeah, you realize, yeah. Superman never tells you that, but he's like, oh, I accidentally saw their bones. Gross.
It would be like if everybody was connected through telepathy.
We're not doing that bit again. The 20 gets you, one, you realize the shirt you're wearing, it is not flattering to your sort of figure. That's what I was rolling for. No, it's just with a 20. You do realize a lot of stuff. You broadcast this message out. You do not get an immediate response. Instead, you just kind of notice a rustling of some brush, some leaves by your feet.
And when you look down, you see like a small sort of dirt trail sort of winding around near you. And in the smallest, slightest voice, you hear a voice say, Hellgrammit, it is imperative we only speak through these means and not out loud. Do you understand? I... yes, I understand. Make yourself busy, as if you are going on a peaceful hike through the woods. Oh, yes.
Let's see... Water jug? Uh... I've got some granola. Yeah, go ahead. I'm doing that. I'm going through all those actions like a mime, like an insect mime.
Okay, great. No, don't. Just checking your pockets? Is it like patting yourself? Mm-hmm, yes. Okay.
Well, after the realization about the ugly shirt.
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Chapter 5: How does Rictus plan to approach the Crystallarium?
Things are going according to my plan. I feel very confident. And I just... There are just... I don't like gaps in the story. I want to try to figure out... I'd like to know where I'm going, where I'm coming from. So I'm... I want to talk to you. Are you from my future? Or my past? Or my current?
I... I am the past. I am the first. I am the origin. I am your present. I am this moment in which we speak, and I am the future forevermore, and you are mine, all Helgram, and I swear to you will be revealed when you claim victory in this conclave.
Okay. Well, that really pulls things into crystal clarity. Sure. Okay. So I am going to win, right? I mean, if you're in the future, you know that I won, right?
I was speaking somewhat poetically. Oh. You see a little antenna pop out of the dirt mound kind of at your feet and kind of brush against the heel of your boot before the insect submerges once more. The future is not ordained. You must prove yourself, and I know that you can. I have a lot of confidence in myself.
As you may have known. Another bug crawls up. Are you sure? Sorry, man. That shirt, it looks so shitty. The shirt is not a good fit on you, bro. Besides the shirt. Okay, back to work. I have great confidence in myself. Is there anything you can tell me that will aid me in the next upcoming trial?
The next trial that you face is... It is ever-changing. Every conclave, every group of 64 aspirants that have made their way here as we select a new member of the Octave have faced a different trial. I wish I knew more, but the member of the Octave administering the trial is infuriatingly secretive. Ours is not a harmonious rule.
It is impossible that eight minds wielding as much power as we wield could possibly all agree on how the world should be shaped and how this conclave should be run. I cannot help you with the trial, but... If the time comes and you do require my aid, I can help you defeat your fellow aspirants to claim victory.
Is there like a secret word or a ring I rub or anything like that that would summon you to help me?
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Chapter 6: What advice does Duber Sweetleaf give to Rictus?
Or is this just kind of a ring doorbell kind of thing?
You always see what's going on. Nothing happens on this island that escapes our sight. Right. You, if you find yourself in need, I will be there. That is the oath that I make to you, my betrothed.
Yeah, yeah. And yet, you're also my child and my mom? Wait, hold on. What? Hey, it's me again. I don't mean to listen to this. I don't remember that coming up at all. What's your... Back to work. Wait, what? Kibitzers, everywhere I go.
Sorry, that's David. David, yes. He's always like this.
Well, I mean, he seems pleasant enough. So, okay, so when I need you, I will call, and you'll be there for me, but you can't, like, give me any tips, you know, like, inside of... You must not call.
You must not broadcast that you and I are communicating, or else all will be lost.
Yes, get to the URLs. If I ask you for help. Excuse me, sorry. I do write the name so I get to pop in pretty much whenever I want. I wanted to say, are you sure he's the right bug? I mean, I don't know what you're cooking here, but you have to be able to do better than this cat here. Have you met Scorpo? Scorpo seems like a real cat. Scorpo is okay.
Scorpo doesn't turn every conversation into a goddamn conversation with the Nintendo Gameplay Counselor's hotline, you know? He's a decent human. A decent human who can have a non-transactional conversation with another entity. It doesn't devolve into begging for tips like he's favorably clinking a magnifying glass in the mid-80s. These guys, they're always busting my chitin. I love these guys.
It's chitin. I'm going back to bed. Chitin, thank you. Yeah, I gotta get back to work, too. David and Laura Vance, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be right back.
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Chapter 7: What significant event occurs at the Crystallarium?
That I can do. How about 13? 13, okay. Through this Thrakeen telepathic channel, you feel a sudden sort of surge, and it is as if a whole crowd of people are now speaking to you sort of simultaneously. It is impossible to kind of parse everything that they are saying. And the din of this chorus of people just kind of overwhelms your senses. And in just this brief instant.
you are somewhere else. You are floating weightless in a space that is similar to the world that you were just currently floating above on the island of the Octave Ziggurat. But as you look around and you sort of get a feel for how much of this world you can actually see, you realize that There is no blight that has swallowed up the planet.
There is no giant sort of swirling wall of fog surrounding just a small kind of radius of the fold that the world had not destroyed. This is an unblemished version of the world that was destroyed by magical wars so many generations ago. Give me a perception check, please. Oh boy, a six. As you look around this world, the fact that it is in relatively pristine shape is obvious.
The giant fog tornado is not present. The fold is not there. Everything is just kind of dramatically less apocalyptic than the world you were just standing in. With a six on the perception check, you do get a sense for the fact that there is...
there is something strange about this world and it is that it seems to be fractured not with you know actual physical rifts in the ground but it just kind of seems like different parts of the world different sort of biomes are squished together in a way that is like really unnatural there is a
a section where the ocean meets the land and just kind of stops without shoreline and immediately jumps into the plains. It is unnatural how this world is kind of put together. As you also sort of look over the horizon, over the sort of curvature of this land, you also realize that this world is actually a bit small.
You got a pretty good sense for what the planet you live on looks like when you went up in the tower into space after the trial of Transfiguration and had your fit. You get a sense that the world that you are being shown right now is not the world that you live in, but a different sort of realm entirely. Yeah. And just as quickly, that moment ends and the voice of Akari returns to your mind.
She says, this is the future that I and I alone am building, that I am depending on you to shepherd. into existence. You are the one who will help me, and together, we will create a world of our own design. I need you to prove yourself to me. I need you to win this conclave. Yes, yes. And I will help you wherever I can. But the rest is up to you, Hellgrammet.
I would not ask you these things if I did not know with certainty in my heart that you were capable of doing them.
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Chapter 8: What announcement does Osham make regarding the conclave?
Well, that's so exciting if only I lived in Los Angeles, but I got my eye on some stuff in the MaxFun store.
Cara Barnett, thank you for being a listener and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.
I hear the Member of the Month promos all the time. And I can't wait for my friends who listen to MaxFun shows to hear me on the radio because I haven't told any of them.
Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to MaximumFun.org slash join.
Hello, this is Alden Ford. And Mujan Zulfagari. Two of the creators of Mission to Zix, your favorite improvised, obsessively sound-designed sci-fi sitcom here on the MaxFun Network. And the news is... We're back! With an all-new miniseries set in the Zix universe, The Young Old Derf Chronicles. Yeah. Will Durf find his own killer before it's too late?
To find out how that question could possibly make sense, well, you just have to tune in. And as always, it's ambitious and labor-intensive to a frankly absurd degree. Indeed. So if you are looking for a little break from your own galaxy, we would love for you to check it out. That's The Young Old Durf Chronicles. Search Mission to Zix, Z-Y-X-X, in your podcast app. Or on MaximumFun.org.
Keep it fresh.
Rictus, how would you like to spend your day off between the trials? The first thing I'd like to do is find Duber. Okay. Okay. That's easy enough. Duber lives in one of the sort of big residences. Most of the remaining aspirants at this point have kind of moved on up to these like gold tier lodgings.
And his is the one that, you know, a constant sort of thick rolling layer of fog is sort of pouring out of. I knock on the door. Okay, after a few moments, it opens and the diminutive frame of Duber Sweetleaf is standing there. He says, oh, hello, Rictus, please come inside.
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