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Chapter 1: What happened in the previous episode of Taz Royale?
Previously on Taz Royale. I don't want to fucking kill anybody, man. There's a set amount of trials, Jane. And their assumption is it will come down to one person left. But that's assuming that the people who are left...
want to kill the others and be the only person left very powerful illusory magics are at work here too but they made me see a dragon you saw so that me attack Randall I should or me I could never could not his name was Randolph hell Graham and I think because you put him in that position you realize that was the sound of oh shit his name wasn't his name wasn't Rigatoni it was Formaggio Bucatini
My plan worked! Good job! The remaining aspirants look around, realizing that with only two trials to go, your number has dwindled to the Elite Eight. ... ...
Chapter 2: What are the surviving wizards' thoughts on the tournament?
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Taz Royale, our battle royale. Winner take all. 64 wizards enter. This arc, we got a specialization in e-jocation. And that's right. Justin, you're so freaking proud of yourself, man. We don't put out video of our faces while we record this, but you're really cheese maxing right now, man. Yeah, I'm just really e-jocation.
Like, it's weird that we have gone this far. We've talked about evocation so many times. It never slid joke in there. I thought we had said it.
I thought we had done it already.
There's still a lot of meat left. I guess what I'm saying is, Griff, there's still a lot of meat left on this bone. Despite what TV Guide reviewer Jeff Garlin may have you believe, this show still has a lot of legs left in it.
I think it's fucked that TV Guide only reviews one podcast and it's us. I think that that sucks. At first I was flattered. Get off our nuts, TV guy. How am I supposed to compete with The Shield? I fucking can't, man. It's just the four of us and we make the stuff up as we go along. And here's what I don't like. Cheers and jeers, right? Yeah. Say positive things and...
Most of their jeers are things like, yeah, they get a jeer because I want more episodes. It's so good. That's not a jeer. That's not a fucking jeer. That's a reverse cheer. That's a backhanded cheer. I laughed so hard I pulled a muscle, right? Yeah, exactly.
Dad, all the TV guys you saved over the years, did you throw them away all at once or did you throw away little by little?
Did you watch all of the VHSs you recorded and mark each show off as you went and then throw away as you completed a book? No. Just one big fire, I think, probably. I threw away a whole bunch, but I kept... The fall premiere issues.
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Chapter 3: How do the wizards plan to navigate the next trials?
Oh, you got to. And I've got all those. And then I was at a used bookstore in Portsmouth and found hundreds of TV guides for 10 cents a piece, and I bought them.
Why? Dad, this is so good, but I've gotta save this for our other podcast. Oh Christ, not again. Yeah, yeah.
The McElroy boys intervene on their ailing father. At the end of the last episode, you all had just survived the trial of necromancy. fended off the undead hordes from the manor in which you were cooped up, survived until sunrise.
Four of the aspirants that were with you on that trial were killed in action, leaving just eight aspirants, the three of you, Hasty Jane, Duber, Hippocrates, Pranklin, and Scorpo. The investigation as to what happened to Formaggio Bucatini is still ongoing. Isn't that a cold case? Did he lock himself in that closet? How'd he get in there? I don't think you guys even know he was in a closet.
You just heard him scream and then heard him die. Well, the two of us don't. Yeah, that's a fair point. Hellgrammit, maybe your closest thing to a perfect crime The whole time we've been here so far. It is just moments after that trial concludes, the last of the sort of ashy remnants of the undead who dissolved into the sunrise light vanish into the sky.
And you all can see the large iron gates leading toward the manor's sort of courtyard swing open and several members of the octave rise. approach the manor where you and the rest of the group are standing. Most of them joining you, most of the aspirants are just kind of panting. Everyone is pretty beat up by this trial. Everyone took a few hits.
And from the handful of octave members floating towards you, you see the uh, the skeletal specter who introduced you to this trial. Uh, he drifts towards you and claps, uh, two sort of bony hands together dramatically.
Uh, and there is a quiet wind, uh, begins sort of wailing, uh, through, through the graveyard and Osham, the elderly octave member who you've spoken with a few times before translates and says, uh, To our eight finalists, we would like to extend our heartiest congratulations. Never in the history of these enclaves have so many aspirants banded together to reach this point in the proceedings.
Your penchant for teamwork is admirable, if not a tad confusing because only one of you can be ordained in the end. For surviving this trial, each of you shall find within your residences your gold-tier reward for surviving the trial of necromancy. You may exchange that tomorrow during your free day at the Atelier. Standard rules for the following days apply.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the trial of necromancy?
It's a bit weird that it's a sort of retirement process that someone sort of volunteers to step down from the octave and yet the conclave only happens once every few generations. It seems like it would happen more frequently than that. But so sort of... Strange are the ways of these sort of demigod wizard folk. Any other questions before we break for the day?
I'd like Helgrammet to do something that is not a spoken word. What an interesting way to phrase that, Dan. Hellgrammit, would you mind doing something? Are you two not speaking? Are you guys fighting?
Hey guys, hold up. I'm texting Hellgrammit.
I went hellgrammit to, while those other conversations were going on, to attempt to make mental contact with Set. Oh, okay. Using that Thrakeen telepathy. Okay, yeah, this is not like a role. You are able to send a telepathic message to Set. He is the other sort of member, the golden scarab Thrakeen, who administered the trial of transmutation. Right. Okay, what would you like to say?
I think he... Lord Set, the powerful and omnipotent. I know this is not par for the course, so to speak. But I need some information. It has nothing to do with the trial. It has nothing to do with the competition. Is there any way that I can talk to you and ask you a few questions about Echo Mites and, more importantly, someone claiming to be my bride? Her name is Akari, and I... I need to know.
I need information. Is there any way perhaps later I could have a conversation with you even if it's just a mental one to ask you these questions? Give me an insight check, please. Great. Here's what happens on a 15. You project this message into the mind of Set, who is, you know, standing alongside Oshim and Four.
And usually when you do this to someone, you can see there is a moment of surprise. There's a moment of like their head jerks in your direction, notices your mouth isn't moving and then kind of like pieces together sort of what's happening. That does not happen. Set does not sort of jerk his head to face you, doesn't seem to register what you are saying to him at all.
And with a 15 insight check, I think you run down kind of like, what is he ignoring you? What could have happened? But I think with a 15, you realize that Set can't hear you, is not hearing this message that you are sending to him. And that should be true, right? This has worked every time that you have done it.
Running down sort of the list of things required of this feature is, you know, they have to be willing creatures. They have to understand at least one language or that they have to be within 120 feet of yourself. It would seem like all of these things are true, and yet, for whatever reason, this is not reaching. And what's the octave membrane charge of? Transmutation. Transmutation. Yeah. Okay.
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Chapter 5: What rewards do the wizards receive for surviving the trial?
I think it would behoove us in a world where we care about many in it to consider who among the eight of us we feel comfortable with possessing that power. And I slap Rictus on the arm and walk away. Hmm. Rictus goes home and puts some pizza rolls in the oven. Get ready for... So do I, so do I, so do I. Sorry, so do I. No, I'm making them for everybody. Okay.
I don't want Travis to get some sort of bonus.
Sorry, if you could just say that, I don't... Yeah, you guys both make your own pizza rolls so that when people start to file into Rictus' house, it's just everyone... Duber comes in and he's got a little plate of pizza rolls. He says, oh... It wasn't BYOPR. I should have made that clear. Hey, guys, big surprise. I got two big plates full of sausage and pepper pizza roll. Oh, fuck.
I've made 300 pizza rolls. Hey, everybody. Good news. Roll up. Look who's. Oh. Oh. Oh, my. I just drop him on the ground. This is terrible. No Adam to the pile. Pranklin shows up.
Chapter 6: How do the wizards react to the Octave's expectations?
Pranklin shows up. He's got a little plate of pizza rolls. He's like. One of the pizza rolls slides off of his plate and falls to the ground. And when it falls down, it sort of like explodes a little bit. And he kind of smiles because they're prank pizza rolls. He dumps him in the trash can.
Nice.
Okay, everyone has come at the appointed time to your house, Rictus. It is, you know, mid-morning, and it's a weird time for pizza rolls, but you've got about 900 of them. Pizza breakfast pizza rolls.
Okay, you've got about... Can you have made bagel bites instead? Because if pizza's on a bagel... Yeah, can we take it back? Can we take it back?
Chapter 7: What strategies do the wizards consider for the upcoming trials?
Rachel, if you can edit in every time we said rolls... No, no, we don't have to do that.
Just give her, like, Trav, if you could just give her a few clean bagel bites. Bagel bites. Bagel bites? Bagel bites. Not you! Not you, Dad. And, Trav, I would love some singular ones. Bagel bite. Bagels bite. Bagel bite.
Okay, now in case it starts to feel weird to say the whole thing, if you could invent a few slang terms for them.
Yeah, baggies. Just a couple baggies. And Loravith, we do just some baggy bees. Just going to have some baggy bees. Baggy bees is really good. Baggy bees are on the floor. Loravith, I'm worried the roll up pun is not going to play now. So if you could give me a different take, a different sort of pun joke, but using bagels or bites in it.
That'd be great.
Just say that. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Hold on. Bag, bag, bagel, bagel. Okay. Something with bites. Okay.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
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