The Bald Driving School: Where Automotive Dreams Come True with Trixie and Katya
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Can I complain about health for one second? I know we're supposed to have gratitude. One of my fun little symptoms of my arthritis is just my skin rejects glue, makeup, shaving. The back of my neck where I wear a wig will get a rash. The lids where the glue is. The eyebrows where the glue is. The hairline where the glue is. Anything that rubs. The armpits where the sequins touch. Well, that's great. Everything gets... Everything the next day is like... Thought that shit was pretty cute, didn't you? Thought that was pretty fucking funny, didn't you, bitch? You know what it gives? You may remove your vigs. Girl. And it's underneath all that nasty stuff underneath. I'm going to have to become one of those Hollywood starlets that just sits home slugging in a giant goop mask with a head towel on until like once a month when I go to an event. That's what's going to happen. Baby, that's me. Yeah. I've been getting into the under eye things. They don't do nothing. I don't care. I love it. But you feel it.
No, I just... You go to bed with one ice cube on each eyelid. The other day, I was like... What was I doing? I was doing the meditating because it's 20 minutes. So I put on the Korean face mask. Sure. Then I secure it with the gel pads because it was lifting. So I needed to secure it. What do they call it in the morning? TikToks call it like my morning... It's like an unpeel, my morning shred. Morning shred. Where the girls wake up and take the sticker off here, take the under eyes off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The jaw strap. They're all sticking with the jaw strap on. The headgear. Mary, they all look like they were just in a car accident where they almost died. Where they're like time-lapse recovering from plastic surgery super quick. Yes. But yeah.
But wait, I don't know why I was saying that. We were talking about you putting the little eye patches on trying to feel something. Oh, yeah. I feel like, oh. But those are postage stamps. I don't know what you're doing. You know what they look like? I feel like I'm putting pieces of ginger from sushi. Oh, sure. You know how slices of sliced ginger, that's exactly what they look and feel like. And also, they give you a little tool, which I'm not sure how that tool works, and I will not Google it. Oh, the scooper. The scooper. But how does the scooping thing, I can't figure out for the life of me. It's always an adventure. Yeah. You open the product, you take the little scooper, you set down the product, you take your pants off, you put that scooper up your butt, you give yourself a little pap smear. You scream. And then you taste test it and you say, why can't we all go to see? Mary, three minutes then, just like the last one, we're talking about filleting feces. Why are we always doing this?
Why are you always doing this? You know what it is? Because it's one of the worst things that can happen. Yeah. It's one of the worst, and it happens a lot. Lunchtime talk. You gotta get the feces in there. Did you drive here? Mary, I drove here by myself. Tell me about it. Walk me through the whole thing. Started your outfit selection this morning. Well, I almost wore my platform Crocs, and I thought, I can't drive in those. That's how a woman dies. And if you've ever driven with just socks or barefoot, it's gross. It feels weird. The toes touching the get. Don't say you like it. Mama. I do. And guess what? Oh, you wrap them around. No, I do the gas and the brake with just the big toe. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Like SpongeBob. Yeah.
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