The Best One Yet
🏓 “Fruition-izing” — Marty Supreme’s growth hack. JP Morgan’s Apple Card. Free Zyn at work. +5am wakeups
14 Jan 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is Nick. This is Jack. It's Wednesday, ceviche. Wednesday, January 14th. And today's pod is the best one yet. This is a T-boy. The top three pop business news stories you need to know today. But first, happy quarterly earnings season to all those who celebrate. That's right. Our first story is an earnings report. So light your lanterns in honor of the financial holiday.
Yeah, I think there are a few of those. Besties, you're looking fantastic. Jack, three stories for today's show. What do we got on the pod? For our first story, JP Morgan just announced earnings and that they're taking over the Apple card. But Jack and I will tell you why the Apple card is actually doomed. It's the curse of Steve Jobs.
For our second story, Timothee Chalamet tricked the internet with a fake leaked Zoom call. You say Chalamet every time. It's Chalamet. Oh, shoot. Did I screw that up again? Chalamet! But Timothee Chalamet sparked a $70 million box office win for Marty Supreme thanks to that Zoom call. And our third and final story, forget free coffee. Silicon Valley offices are now offering free nicotine pouches.
From kombucha to nicotine, free work perks actually reflect our entire society.
Chapter 2: What is the significance of JP Morgan taking over the Apple Card?
But yetis, before we hit that wonderful mix of stories. Oh, what a mix. No one else is doing that mix. Are you a lark, a bear, or an owl? Because besties, those are the spirit animals of sleep. Or as scientists call them, chronotypes. The three sleep profiles of all people. The morning lark, the late night owl, or the snoozing bear.
According to sleep doctor Michael Brias, roughly 20% of us are night owls. You know who you are. You're watching TikToks till 2 a.m. 20% of us are also morning larks.
Chapter 3: How did Timothee Chalamet's Zoom call go viral?
You finish five cups of coffee by 5 a.m., kind of like Jack and I. And the rest of us, 60%. You're bears. Basically normal people. Not up super early, not up super late. Just right. Now, you won't see a lark smack the snooze button in the morning. And Jack, you won't see an owl hit the hay after dinner. Which is all to say, you can't biohack your biological clock.
Unless you're one of the 20% of us larks, your 5 a.m. Barry's boot camp, that could actually be counterproductive. So even if your New Year's resolution is to rise before the sun does this year, you may want to double check your chronotype species, yetis. 5 a.m. and you, you just might not gel, and that's okay.
Yetis, add it all up, and you got to remember what Snoop Dogg taught us all those years ago. Mo' melatonin, mo' money. If you know, you know. Jack, what's in our three stars?
15 years before this song, two boys from the Northeast met in a dorm. They had an idea to cause a cultural storm. It's the best one yet, but the best is the norm. Jack Nick, that's it.
Chapter 4: What societal trends do free nicotine pouches in the workplace reflect?
I don't even think they need to practice. 50%, that's a fat tip. T-Boy City on your at list. If you know, you know, cause we ready to go. We can't wait no more, so just start the show. Start the show.
First, a quick word from our sponsor. For our first story, JPMorgan Chase had a crazy day kicking off the earnings season for 2026. And CEO Jamie Dimon explained why Trump's Fed takeover would backfire and also how Steve Jobs ruined the Apple card. Yetis, now that Warren Buffett has retired, Jamie Dimon is the silver back of Wall Street, isn't he, Jack? How old is he, like 70? Looks 30, Jack.
But yesterday, JP Morgan reported earnings, $57 billion in profit for 2025. Not too shabby. This is the second year in a row that America's biggest investment bank made more than $1 billion of profits every week.
Chapter 5: What are the different types of sleepers and their characteristics?
Jamie Dimon carries a cha-ching button in his pocket. Yes, he does. But there was one surprise weak spot in JPM's earnings report. A $2.2 billion loss related to the bank's takeover of the Apple Card. I'm sorry, Jack. Pause the pod. JP Morgan and Apple Card, please sprinkle on more content. the text.
Goldman Sachs launched the Apple card in 2019 with Apple and has hated pretty much every minute of it ever since. Why? Well, we think it's because of the spirit of Steve Jobs. Back in 1997, Steve Jobs launched Apple's famous catchphrase, think different. So in 2019, Apple insisted its very first credit card. Think different. Apple Card was the first credit card with a titanium physique.
It was the first one with pretty much no fees whatsoever. And Apple demanded it have genius bar-level customer service. Okay, but here's the problem, Yetis. Credit cards as a business model? They hate being different. For example, Apple insisted that for each user, credit card statements arrive on the first of the month. Because that just makes sense. It does make sense, Jack.
But if every credit card statement arrives on the first day of the month, then all the customer service requests... also come in on the first day of the month. That's why credit card companies stagger your statement dates randomly across all the days of the month. They don't want to overload their customer service department.
But in this case, Goldman had to hire an entire customer service department to handle your complaint about some erroneous $4 Starbucks charge, and it all happened on the first day of the month. Because Apple, channeling Steve Jobs, refused to stagger it like all the other credit card companies. Thank you. That's what they demanded of Goldman Sachs.
But it's in that situationship that Goldman's rival, J.P. Morgan, saw an opportunity. Basically, J.P. Morgan said, you know what? We could be Apple's rebound dude on the credit card. You see, JP Morgan is three times bigger than Goldman Sachs. And unlike JP Morgan, Goldman never really had a consumer business. But Jack, JP Morgan has a huge customer service department.
They're handling 5,000 branches and 30 different credit cards right now. Sapphire this, Sapphire that. So JP Morgan made it Instagram official last week. They announced they're taking the Apple Card from Goldman Sachs. And they're already ready for the surge in complaints about random Starbucks charges that happen on the first day of every month with the Apple Card.
Basically, JP Morgan's so big, they can handle any surge in customer service complaints. In the long term, JP Morgan plans to make money on those Apple card balances through interest and swipe fees. But in the short term, they had to account for the probability that some cards are going to default and lose money. Hence the $2 billion charge.
Add it all up and Steve Jobs would have probably been pumped about this, but would have spanked us if we said that publicly. Yeah, he's a real hard ass in the office, isn't he? But besties, while JP Morgan's Apple card hookup fascinated us, the bigger news yesterday was really J-PAL. So Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over JP Morgan?
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Chapter 6: How does the ghost of Steve Jobs impact the Apple Card's management?
So Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at Marty Supreme? This was a masterclass of breaking the fourth wall. Yetis, there's a concept in acting about an imaginary fourth wall between the actors and the audience that you do not break. The performer stays in character. Don't break the fourth wall. It'll be awkward and potentially kill the magic. That's the key.
Breaking the fourth wall is so rare, so unexpected, it's also therefore memorable. And that's what this Chalamet Zoom meeting did. He took a risk with it and it paid off. The stunt of a fake, real Timmy Chalamet got millions of people to buy tickets for an indie film about ping pong. And there's a business insight here. Yes, there is. Brands can break the fourth wall with consumers too.
You see, transparency, even if it's embellished and marketed up a bit, and in this case, staged, exactly that is still refreshing. It's a concept from showbiz that works in real biz. Break the fourth wall.
Now, a quick word from our sponsor.
For our third and final story, this is wild. Startups and tech firms are giving workers Zin pouches for free. The new work perk productivity hack in Silicon Valley and Wall Street, free nicotine in the office. But yetis, in order for us to tell this story, let's set the scene. Sweet green salads, mindfulness Mondays, an entire wardrobe dedicated... to Pilates.
It's with that wellness girly backdrop that this story is so surprising to us. Yeah. The new work perk in the tech industry is nicotine. Tech workers and finance folk are packing a half inch pouch of nicotine under their lip, walking around the office. Your body isn't a temple. Your body is a productivity machine.
Now, we covered the popularity of the Zinn business, nicotine pouches, in a story last year. They have the same flavors as Spindrift, mango, espresso, mint, but we didn't realize nicotine pouches were safe for work. And venture capital wants in. Lucy and Sesh, two nicotine pouch startups, have made their own vending machines to distribute their nicotine pouches.
And Palantir, a $500 billion AI company, bought two of those vending machines and plopped them into their offices. We repeat, right next to the coffee station over at Palantir's DC office is a vending machine with free Zin. Let that sink in. Literally. This is part of a surge in the nicotine industry that you can see in the stock market. True, Jack.
Philip Morris acquired Zinn for $16 billion three years ago. And now Philip Morris' stock is up 40% in the last year. It is near an all-time high. That's right. Tobacco legend Philip Morris is living its best life. Now, besties, the reason why Wall Street analysts and Silicon Valley PMs are popping nicotine these days, they say it's for productivity. Because nicotine is a stimulant.
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