Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Look, I may not be as smart as my female coworkers, but I had a much louder voice than them and a significantly less amount of shame. So that's very helpful in a meeting when they make a really good point. No one else has heard it yet. And I can just sort of repeat that point, but much louder and take full credit. Follow for more tips on how to succeed in corporate America.
On this episode of the commercial break. We're going to get me, Jeff, Astrid, and Chrissy all bending over. And you're going to have a blindfold on. And you're going to have to smell our scrundle sacks and tell who's using Lumi and who's not. That is putting the rubber to the road. I'm going to tell Jeff to use it during the festival weekend. Oh, yeah. He probably has swamp ass. Taste test it.
You'll taste test it? Jeez. I didn't mean to say taste.
Wow.
Chrissy's on fire.
Look at that.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my co-host, Kristen Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Have you ever been stopped at an airport for extra additional screening or anything like that? I'm trying to think if I have. Maybe just like my bag has because... You had a bomb in it? Right. And that was a flag. They flagged it.
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Chapter 2: What humorous experiences do the hosts share about airport security?
God damn. God damn. Once a year, I think I do smoke a cigarette. Yeah, I do. At some kind of party or something. I do. I get a pass. And remind myself why I don't like it. You know where I get a pass? I get a pass at conferences. That's where I get a pass. That's where I smoke my one cigarette a year. But by the time I get halfway through the cigarette, I'm like, fuck this. This is gross.
I don't want that anymore. And then goddamn, when someone offers me a cigar, I'm like, whoa, tobacco overload. I like smoking a cigar every once in a while, but I just find that I don't know how to do it. No. It's just kind of a cool thing. We were at this. I've been to a couple of those cigar bars and yeah, I remember inhaling them and then just, yeah, you're not supposed to inhale.
Didn't you and I go to like a speakeasy once here in Atlanta, like a secret cigar bar where all you would do is drink and then feel more nauseous because of all the cigar smoke in there? Yes. Oh, it was the worst. I used to tell people when I was running bars, I'd be like, don't smoke cigars in here. Please don't do it. Take it outside. It is a very pronounced smell. Yeah, it is.
We went to a cigar bar. Two stories about cigars. First, my first honeymoon, we went down to Cabo. And we're in Cabo. And the day that we get to Cabo, the night that we get to Cabo, there is a Category 4 hurricane bearing down on Cabo San Lucas. That was an omen.
Yeah.
We should have canceled the honeymoon to save the money. No, no, no. It was fun. We had a good time. Yeah. But we show up and we show up at this really shitty all-inclusive resort where everybody has gone. There's like nobody in the resort. We're the only ones that show up.
And when we get to the room, all we can smell is paint because they are repainting the building, like that wing of the building. And the paint fumes are overwhelming. Oh, God. So I get up in the morning like 6 a.m. I grab a cup of coffee. I walk down the beach to resorts down. There's like a whatever a Hilton Los Cabos or whatever it was. And I'm like, well, we don't have the money.
We're broke as a joke, but we're going to stay here because I'm not going to stay in the shitty all inclusive resort with paint fumes all day long. So we roll over there, and the second night that we're there is when the hurricane hits. And so now we are in a hotel bar where they have hurricane shutters up. You can hear them banging so loudly, it's scary.
The wind, I've never heard wind like this. It's just howling. But the bar is lively. There's probably like 10 or 15 of us in there. Yeah, everybody's drinking, ready for the disaster to happen. That's it. If we're going to die, let's die here. Cabo San Lucas in this bar. Right. And there is a lady who's rolling cigars with Cuban tobacco. So it's a Cuban cigar, right?
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Chapter 3: What happened to the men jailed in Turks and Caicos?
I didn't sleep. You know what I'm saying? I would choose not to sleep. I would choose to ingest things that would keep me up for extended periods of time and then bitch and complain about how tired I was. Well, stop doing cocaine till five, six in the morning, and then maybe you'll get a good night's sleep.
Right.
But I am, listen, I watch these kids sleep and fuckity fuck if I ain't jealous. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, the kids sleep is just so peaceful. No bill collectors calling. No UPS packages to drop off. No Amazon to buy. No groceries to worry about. Not a fucking thing. And I think to myself, this is the best time of your life. Zero to seven. Enjoy it. Best time of your life. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it. And Astrid and all parents will recognize this. Astrid and I are so crazed to keep those children asleep at the times when we need them to sleep, like at night. Oh, yeah. Right? Between 7, 8 o'clock at night and 6 and 8 o'clock in the morning. We are so crazed to do that that we will literally scream at our children in the car if they start to fall asleep. Right.
And I don't mean scream like angry. No, no. I mean like, Hey! Stay awake.
Hey, buddy!
Don't go to sleep. Don't go to sleep.
Look! There's an eagle! It's on fire! Here, let's listen to Taylor Swift's new album really loud. Let me open all the windows. It's only 40 degrees outside this morning.
Because I know, and every parent knows this, the worst possible thing that can happen is that you go to the grocery store and you have to take your kids with you at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And you know that if one of them falls asleep, even for one second, you are fucked for the entire night. It's like they can suck in one second of sleep and be propelled for the next 24 hours. True.
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Chapter 4: How is the RiverBeat Music Festival connected to the episode?
I can't wait. We're literally going to suck in thousands of hours of Chrissy and Jaffe inside their house, and whabam! Quantum cock! We know everything we need to know from Chrissy and Jeff. Jeff got the Fugees back together. No, quantum computing did. It's not the real Fugees. It's a quantum hologram. Like Michael Jackson or the Bee Gees. We're going to put them on stage in holographic form.
Starring quantum computing. What do the Fugees sing again? I've got to sharpen up before Riverbeat. That's why we got to feed it into you. Yes, Chrissy. I've taken Wycliffe John and I've cut him up into small pieces and thrown him in with Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen. Two of the whitest guys you know. And I've mixed it up and whabam! Lauryn Hill is now singing. Killing me softly.
You'll never be the same again once you see the Fugees on Quantum Monographics. Bring your apple gaggles and your cock-tock. Cock Talk is the new social media app that controls you from the inside. It works on a molecular level, Chrissy. How does it work? No one knows. I can explain it. Not explainable. You'd need a quantum computer to explain quantum computing to a quantum computer. It's crazy.
It's the third level of Inception is what it is. We need quantum computing to figure out all of the movies. Like Inception.
that's true that's true that is really true i need inception i need quantum computing to help me explain inception or what was the other one he did the one most recently about everything going in reverse it's uh syncope or whatever no syncope is the name of his uh what is that guy what is that director's name oh god okay hold on not gonna be an idiot here hold on gonna gonna try and get something right syncope syncope is the name of his uh inception
Now your phone knows. Yeah, my phone knows. It knows everything. Christopher Nolan. All the Christopher Nolan movies. That's right. Oh, Tenet. That's right. Tenet and Dunkirk. Is it now or was it then? Or how much time do they have left? I don't know. Everything's exploding. It's about World War II, but I don't know. Is it now? Is it then? Which level of the dream are they in?
Why are they going backwards? Why is everything so slow now? Tell us, Christopher Nolan, you've had quantum computing for as long as ever. You are the quantum computer. I think he is. Literally, Christopher Nolan hooked up to a machine. And explain Interstellar to me, please. Why is he pressing all those books? What's going on? I can't understand, Nolan. I don't understand.
You know what's more powerful than quantum computing? Christopher Nolan! That's true. I know. I just went back a little while back. I went to go and watch Inception again. Yeah. Because I was like, you know, now that I know, I'm going to watch it again.
And now that I've studied to watch Inception.
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