Baby Got Crack
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What chaos occurred in the Green household while Krissy was away?
I told my wife I could make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove past her.
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
If this isn't fruit, that sugar is cracked, I don't know what is. I've never seen a more... It is addictive. I've never seen a more clear and concise argument for sugar is terrible for you than my one-year-old child who absolutely went apeshit when I took her fucking box away.
Hard to believe. Well, yeah, she knows what she wants. Yeah. Crack.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Yeah, boy! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the director of Deep Throat Services, Kristen Joy Holy.
How did Bryan mess up the previous episode regarding the Chiefs?
Best to you, Kristen. Wow, best to you, Brian. Bringing you back with a bang. Right? Oh, my infantilized sexual fantasies about deep throating have made their way onto the show yet again. How you feeling?
I'm feeling much better.
Good. Chrissy back in studio after the fourth month off.
I know.
People are legitimately confused, by the way.
Deaths and illnesses is all I'm going to say right now, but hopefully that's past. That's behind.
I really hope so, too. Especially the death part.
What humorous insights do Bryan and Krissy share about parenting?
I know. I know. I hope it's... Well, I mean... i hope at least for the next month we don't experience any more death in the pcb family that's enough it's enough already so you're feeling good you're feeling back together and uh your throat's all sounds good yeah i know i had full-blown laryngitis for three days that's crazy i couldn't speak so what did jeff do he put a little bit of honey little drizzle drizzle on a spoon he got some maybe some much-needed silence because i didn't realize how much i was talking to him the I think that if I had lost my voice, I think it would be chaotic in the house. I wouldn't be able to tell my children what to do.
Or yell at Blue.
Yeah. Anybody looking for like a Yorkie, eight years old, doesn't shut up, shits all over the place, bites her children. Anybody looking for those kind of animals?
Yeah, what an advertisement.
That's why I could never give her away. Because I feel too guilty about throwing her somewhere in somebody's house. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving her. I'd feel guilty about giving it to the other person. That's right. That's the damn dog. I got to be mad at somebody.
What unexpected incident happened during bath time with the baby?
Shit rolls downhill and it rolls all the way to Blue's head.
She's the shortest in the house.
I know. You wouldn't know it, though. She's the shortest in the house. She makes the most conversation in the house. And she's always trying to jump up to your level. It's a double whammy. Dogs that jump and dogs that bark. It's like, God damn, just fucking sit down for two seconds, will you, dog?
I know. Even after all these years, I still try and try different little tactics. You know, when I first come in. Oh, I noticed. I always try a little something new. Nice, mean, indifferent.
You cannot manipulate that dog.
No, it's the same.
I tried to bribe her with treats. I brought in specialists, psychologists, therapists, doggy Xanax, doggy Valium, doggy this.
I gave you the CBD, the doggy CBD.
You gave me the CBD and it made her worse. She was fine for like five minutes and then she went nutso. It was crazy. And now the thing that she's doing now is she, my youngest daughter, sleeps in her own room in her crib. But there's a nice inviting bed in there, too, for one of my other children, should they ever decide to go sleep in their own room. for one of my other children. And so Blue has commandeered the bed. But this has become a problem because the baby who sleeps in the crib is now at the age where she wakes up very easily with noise. Like when they're babies, babies, you can drop a bowling ball on the floor and most of them won't wake up. But now she has commandeered this bed. She thinks that it's hers.
And so it'll be three, four, five o'clock in the morning and you'll hear... And I'm like, what the fuck is that? Scratch, scratch, scratch. It took me a couple nights to figure it out. She is scratching the door until she can get it to pop open.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What chaos occurred in the Green household while Krissy was away?
0:00–0:58
2
How did Bryan mess up the previous episode regarding the Chiefs?
0:58–1:30
3
What humorous insights do Bryan and Krissy share about parenting?
1:30–2:36
4
What unexpected incident happened during bath time with the baby?
2:36–4:24
5
How did Bryan handle the baby's injury and blood loss?
4:24–6:41
6
What are the effects of THC discussed in relation to a recent news story?
6:41–9:46
7
How do Bryan and Krissy reflect on their experiences with cannabis?
9:46–11:57
8
What humorous plans do Bryan and Krissy make regarding a potential heist?
11:57–1:07:02