Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Remember when the boys made us watch that movie about the gay guys on the mountain? Lord of the Rings. Yeah.
On this episode of The Commercial Break...
hi podcast universe it's christina if you've never heard my voice before i am the producer of the commercial break and sometimes when brian and chrissy are slacking off they ask me to jump in and guide you through the tumultuous days without them so let's get to it we need to talk about possums if you're new to tcp you're probably thinking what the hell why do we need to talk about possums is this a podcast about possums what is this bitch on
But here's the thing. Possums have somehow become a deep part of our lore. So I thought I'd catch you up to speed on just exactly how we got here. So here's Brian and Chrissy talking about possums.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.
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Chapter 2: What prompted Christina to discuss possums?
This is the opossum to my opossum, Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Yes, yes, yes, they're aliens. And we know there's a long, deep divide amongst the commercial break listeners right now about opossum or opossum. Or just possum. Yeah, or just possum. Or whether or not we even have possums on this earth.
I want to settle everybody down. I'm not looking to divide the country any more than it's already divided. We've got enough troubles to worry about. We're not going to go ape shit over possums. But I do want to thank one of our listeners, Caitlin. She's a great listener, been listening for a long time, communicates with us frequently. She found the episode where we are talking about possums.
And I've got that tape to roll.
And it wasn't too long ago either.
No, it was less than a month ago. It was a month and a couple days ago.
We talk so much on this show that we don't remember.
I don't remember that just a month ago we had this whole conversation about possums. I thought for sure it was years ago. I was like, oh, she must have gone deep in the catalog and found me saying something about possums that she wasn't happy about.
But no. Just like 10 episodes ago.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of possums in the podcast's lore?
Nay!
Yeah, it was like seven days ago. I mean, it's crazy that we couldn't remember that.
It's so insane.
I'm happy. We are old, Chrissy. We are old.
Again, I think we just talk so much that we can't remember.
It just flows. What are you going to do? We're at that point in life where there's only so much information we can stuff in our brains. We're at the point in our life where four days a week is even too much for us, and we're the ones creating it. I'm sure a lot of listeners would agree. Shut Brian up is basically the sentiment on the Apple reviews right now. Okay, okay.
Not everyone's going to be happy.
It's not for everyone.
But those of you that don't know, Joe Dombrowski was our guest last week. Go take a listen to that episode. Joe was great. But Joe, at the end, he apparently did his homework on the commercial break. He did. Because at the end, he said, before I let you guys go, I have one more thing for you. I was reading your reviews and I found one and I'd like to let you know.
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Chapter 4: How did listeners react to previous discussions about possums?
It's not for everyone. And that came from me talking to like a family member at Thanksgiving. And they were like, we listened to your podcast. And that was it.
And they said nothing else. I was like, well, it's not for everyone, but thanks for listening. I tell that to people all the time. But I could not for the life of me, Chrissy or I. We were like, when did we talk about possums? I have no idea. I had no idea. Well, it turns out just a week ago is when we talked about possums. And so I actually have that tape. I've pulled it. Do you want to hear it?
Yes. Okay, this is from the episode, The Kids Are Not Alright. I don't particularly remember what we were talking about.
I don't either.
But I actually think, since I listened to it, I do recall us having this conversation about me saving a seagull. Yes, a baby seagull or a young seagull. At the beach because it had gotten some kind of cleaning solution for the submarine base that was down the street. It got some kind of cleaning solution on it that was toxic to this poor bird.
And we took a 40-minute drive to go drop it off in the middle of the swamp in Florida. And that bird got loose in the car and started flying everywhere. So that's where we're picking up on the conversation. Now, when I'm about to play to you.
Somehow it segued into possums.
Of course it did. Sounds exactly like the commercial break. Somehow we couldn't keep our train of thought. Sounds like us. That tracks. That math is mathing.
I remember that.
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Chapter 5: What are the humorous arguments against possums?
If someone says ADHD podcast and the commercial break in the same sentence, it resonates. It tickles me in my warm spot. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so here we go. I'm going to play this for you. This is not Chrissy and I talking live. No, probably about the next minute. This is actually from that episode. The kids are not all right. Here you go. This is what I said.
This is what got this person so upset. And by the way, this person, well, I'm not going to name because, you know, we don't need to start some big, you know, doxing war or anything. But I'm just going to share that if you want to come on air and talk to me about this, I'd be happy to have that conversation with you. We would love that.
Chapter 6: What interesting facts about possums are shared?
I'm open-minded. I'm still not going to like possums at the end of it, but we don't have to hate each other because of it. Okay, ready? Here we go. Here's the bit of tape. So, you know, like I have this empathy for animals. And when I see something that looks helpless, says Brian right before he says possums shouldn't be on earth. Pert, I want to help it.
I nurtured a squirrel once back to health. Like I want to help it, but I can't take all of them in and then just leave them there indefinitely. It's insane to me. I have a friend who's got basically an animal hospital going on in their house. Any given time, there's snakes and reptiles and squirrels and possums and This is true. I do have a friend.
And on the other day on Facebook, when I looked at her Facebook page, she had a bird of some sort, like a brown bird, like a regular bird. You know, just a bird, the brown bird you see outside. A brown thrasher? The brown thrasher. The bird was chasing a cat around the house, pecking it. It was so crazy. Oh, that's funny. Okay, back to the tape. Raccoons are all running around everywhere.
Every time I see a Facebook page, there's another fucking weird animal in their hand. The other day, they're like petting a possum. I'm like, what are you doing? I think it's full of disease and nastiness. Like my goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you. I'm sorry. I just don't because you're kind of weird.
You're like little aliens crawling around this earth and I'm not sure you should be here. So I don't know if my empathy extends that far. If you're a dog or a cat or a cute little bird, those things I want.
I mean, I'll swerve to miss it.
Yeah, of course you swore I had to miss it. It took me like five seconds.
Yeah, you thought about that.
I was like, yeah, yeah. Okay, first of all, you realize that I got to do, Chrissy and I got to do six hours of talking a week, right? So, yeah. My opinion on possums is just based on my initial reaction. I'm trying to tell a story that turns out to be funny. Yeah, we're improv. So I'm improv-ing my opinion on possums. But I do agree with myself.
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Chapter 7: How does Christina defend the importance of possums?
She looks so good. How old is she, 70? She looks great. I say 70. She's like my age. She's in her 50s. She looks so good for 50. Anyway.
Tons of money and good doctors.
Yeah. Well, there's definitely some work being done. And now that it's in 4K and 3D and whatever the hell. But she looks good.
She's got good doctors. She looks great. Yeah.
And this is a good show.
It is a good show. I recommend it.
So here we find ourselves with Susan Fitzpatrick showing up at what is clearly a very expensive home. Yes. And I want to know, why is it all the women with a lot of money that find that they want to talk to their animals? Isn't this a trope that's probably true?
Yeah, I think so.
Like, I don't know. I don't know. Do you ever want to talk to your animal in this manner? No. No.
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