Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Your department's just you, right?
Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. On this episode of The Commercial Break...
blue is gnawing on my toddler's leg and i'm like but the squirrel happy days are here again the squirrel didn't die it's not the end hey buddy me and peaches peaches is my new best friend what what did you say someone's licking the electric socket fear not peaches is fine the next episode of the commercial break starts now Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene.
This is the Helene to my Ivan. Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. How do you say it? Helene or Helene? Helene. Helene. It doesn't look like it's said like that. But, you know, what do I know? I'm not a hurricane expert.
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Chapter 2: How does Bryan handle the unexpected squirrel incident?
Yes. As you're hearing this, we are bunkered down. We have the generators on. Yes, we have the hurricane shutters out. The generator is on. Because every once in a while, a hurricane comes to Atlanta.
Yeah.
It's 468 miles inland. And we have a hurricane coming to us. Yeah. Thanks, global warming. Thanks for all you do.
Yeah, it's like the largest one in a century.
Yeah. I remember the one that came to Miami. I think it was Ivan. Maybe it was Ivan. I don't know. The one that came through Miami a couple years back. Maybe it was like eight years back, six years back, something like that. And it also came through in Atlanta. Irma? Was it Irma?
I don't know. Who fucking knows?
But we had a bunch of people come from Miami. All the Venezuelans came from Miami to stay with us because it was looking like it was going to be disastrous down there. Well, it wasn't disastrous down here. There.
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Chapter 3: What challenges does Bryan face while trying to save the squirrel?
But here, there was like... for hours. 60, 50 mile per hour winds. The house sounded scary. It was scary. And that's not even a real hurricane. That's just like a... That's like a tropical storm. It's a universal fart. That's right. So here comes the hurricane. And I don't know. We'll just figure out what happens, I guess. Yeah. But Gustavo came in today.
Gustavo! And you told me you were picking him up. I started singing that in my head. I know.
It's my favorite. The international man of mystery, Gustavo. Now living here in the United States. And we're all very happy. Or at least temporarily. He's here to go to school. He's getting his master's degree. Such a smart young man.
That's right. That's right.
Yeah. I tell my kids, follow in Gustavo's footsteps. This podcasting shit ain't working out. He's an engineer. See that guy?
I know. See that guy?
Your tall uncle. See your uncle? He's handsome. He's smart. He's strong. Boner probably works. Follow in his footsteps. Anyway, a lot of excitement here around the house. Also want to say that thank you to the many people who have now texted in wishing me well on my health journey and a few that didn't wish me so well, but that's okay. We'll take it as it comes.
No, everybody to a last has just been wonderful and understanding about the shows. I believe that the venues have now offered refunds to everybody. They did. Okay. And so if you haven't gotten that email yet, I'm sure you will shortly. If you have any problems, reach out to the venue.
If you can't reach the venue and you have like a crazy problem, then you can always text us and I'll do what I can. Chrissy and I are working hard to reschedule those shows in 2025, early 2025. So stay tuned. As soon as we sign those contracts, we'll let
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Chapter 4: What is Bryan's plan for the injured squirrel?
It does mean a lot. I know we goof a lot here on the show, but that's the way we're getting through our miserable lives is by making you laugh. So congratulations. Congratulations to you.
It really was in true TCB style.
There was no other outcome. There was no other outcome that could be expected. I had a phone call with our network today and somebody was like, oh, how did the live shows go? And I go, obviously you don't listen to the show because you would have known that I'm not down there. And they were like, oh no, what happened?
And I said, I don't want to repeat it, but just know that I got some health concerns. And then they were like, you're still going to do the show, right? And I was like, yeah, don't worry. This golden throat is still going to continue to make you money. Golden throat.
If nobody else, you.
Yeah. We'll figure it out. I got a couple of kids. They can jump into my seat if something should happen to me. I've got a whole succession plan. Chrissy, please continue to do the show. You and Astrid will have a lot of good fun. I was watching television the other day and I saw a Lucky Charms commercial with Travis and what is it? Kevin Kelsey, Travis and what's the other one?
Travis and John, Kevin, Bob, Billy, the other one. Right. The not as famous one.
Yes.
You know, they got like $162 million to do that podcast. Wow. Well, I mean, you can hardly blame a network for chasing them really hard to get that done because they, as soon as this whole brouhaha about Taylor Swift and Travis being together came and they got, and then...
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Chapter 5: How does Bryan's family react to the squirrel situation?
Zero. Even though as an adult, I've taken to Wheaties. I like Wheaties. I think it's actually very good. But now they're on the cover of the Lucky Charms box, Chrissy. And when did Lucky Charms start putting people on the cover of the box? Sounds like now. Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, these guys always been the little guy, the leprechaun.
These guys are cashing the fuck in on all of this silliness. And I'm for it. I think it's incredible. Definitely. So I've devised a plan that I think makes sense for the commercial break. There's a cereal out there that's going to have us. What do you think it is? What are those little rabbit pellets that you eat? You know what I'm talking about?
The little rabbit pellet cereal that tastes like horse food?
Grape seed? Grape nuts. Grape nuts.
Grape nuts. Hi, I'm Brian Green for Grape Nuts. I know the cereal doesn't taste very good, but our podcast isn't very good. So please buy a box of Grape Nuts. Goes great with cream. Goes great with cream. Cream and Grape Nuts on sale now at Crogette. At your local Crogette. I mean, this is the thing we got to do. We're hot right now.
Mainly because we canceled the shows and people want to find us. But we can do this. We could be on a box of cereal. If we were to be on a box of any cereal, what cereal would you want to be on?
Oh, uh... Hmm. See, I would choose kind of Lucky Charms as one of my favorite ones.
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Chapter 6: What advice does Bryan receive about caring for the squirrel?
I just love those little dried marshmallows. So another one that has the dried marshmallow things are, what is that? The Kellogg's with the like strawberry bit things in them.
You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I think, but... I think they're like cornflakes.
Oh, cornflakes and dried strawberries.
Yes. Oh, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Those were good. Those were good. That was good. But nobody's going to buy that. So no one wants that.
Cheerios. Cheerios. I love Golden or the Honey Nut.
I just think it's not on brand. You know what I'm saying? I agree with you. Cheerios is good. I would do the chocolate Cheerios, which I think are really good. Okay. But it's not on brand. Cheerios is...
not gonna do us i mean let's just be real about it they're not interested in the commercial break we got to find someone that's what's your cereal that you eat with the cream i don't even eat cereal well i don't i don't anymore because now i have to be careful about how much calcium i put in my body astrid was like managing my calcium yesterday i wanted to have like a like a taco type thing and i was like oh let me get a little sour cream on there that's delicious i can't do uh mexican food without sour cream only two fucking gringo yeah sour cream fan
Have you ever been to Spain or Mexico and asked for sour cream? Because that's not what they bring you. The sour cream here is not what they bring you. Right. They bring you crema.
That's true.
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Chapter 7: How does the squirrel's condition change over time?
But I still think, you know, Honey Valley or whatever, Nature's Valley, it's still not on brand. So I was thinking about a few cereals that might be on brand for us. It's probably going to be the shittiest kind of cereal that like parents definitely stay away from. But kids who don't have parents to give a shit, they then...
buy it so there's like you know what's that uh golden grams i think golden grams full of honey and sugar and those little puffed things i think definitely that would be something that we could do the golden grams or the uh honey bunches of oats or o's have you ever had o's oh man is oh so good yeah o's oh look it's brian and chrissy from the commercial break uh o's
That's like your kids.
Yeah. We have a little word bubble coming out of us. Oh, or, you know, 21 EPM. Oh, yeah. I say 21 PM and you say multiple. Oh, you know what I'm saying? There's like a, there's a thing there that we could do. We got to get on this bandwagon.
Let me, the next, let me peruse the, uh, the cereal. Yeah. Next time.
I'm not going to be young and terribly sick forever. Chrissy, we got to get on this, jump on this bandwagon.
Yeah.
Right now. As we do the spokesperson bandwagon.
Yeah, where's Matt when you need him? What's he up to? What's he doing? Why isn't he on this? Yeah, $162 million or whatever it was, I think is $160 plus million for a multi-year podcast contract. I mean, they are rivaling Joe Rogan in dollars. Still, Joe's the king as far as cash is concerned with a podcast.
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Chapter 8: What lessons does Bryan learn from his experience with the squirrel?
The Hawk to a Girl has been everywhere. She's been on everybody's podcast, because that's the plan. She got, I think it was WME, same people who are promoting our show, I'm just kidding. to a girl. They represent the Hawk to a girl. And there's like a well-worn path in 2024 as to how you do these things. You get a podcast.
That's crazy. I guess that's the, yeah, there's a plan.
There's no barrier to entry with a podcast. And you can grow an audience, especially if you have a little bit of a following. Now, having a following online does not necessarily equate to a following on a podcast and vice versa, as we can attest to.
We know that. Yes.
It doesn't necessarily mean people are going to like you on social media if you've got a podcast that people like to listen to and vice versa. But they did what they needed to do, which was quickly, let's get you in the studio, record some episodes. We'll get some famous people to come in here and talk to you also. And then we'll hopefully...
this will roll into a reality show, a television appearance, dancing with the stars, whatever it is. And so they're doing that. They're in, like, stage one or two of this plan to sustain that 15 minutes of fame. To her... not credit, but to defend her a little bit, just because you get on a microphone does not necessarily mean you're going to be good at it.
I mean, look at you and I. We've been doing this for 600 plus episodes. And just in the last couple of months, do I feel comfortable doing this show behind a microphone? So she's going to have to get some reps in. The question is, will the audience afford her that time? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it's 15 minutes and it's gone. Maybe she can suspend that for some period of time.
I don't dislike the Hak Tua girl. No, I agree. I think she. More power to her. Yeah. But this is like the most silliest. This is the silliest reason to become famous. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. You do a man on the street, girl on the street interview when you're drunk and you say two words, Hak Tua. And then all of a sudden you're like as famous as one of the Kardashians.
for no reason except to say Hak Tua. I'm not saying that's her fault. That's your fault for watching that stupid fucking video over and over again and then paying attention to her. But I think she's doing exactly what she needs to do. She's made millions of dollars. She sold hats, T-shirts, that podcast she got a couple million dollars for. I'm sure there's a reality show.
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