Chapter 1: What should you always check when hunting for a Sheepsquatch?
They also studied the way gay and straight people talk. Hi, nice to meet you. I ride a skateboard. Sounds straight to me. And is straight. Hey there, I ride a scooter.
Gay. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Check your thermal.
Check your thermal. Check your thermal underwear. Yeah, no, they're good. I made a little bing-bang in my pants earlier from craft services, but I'm good. Anybody got any wet wipes? I got a delicate anus. Biodegradable, please. I don't want to hurt this Boone County. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.
This is the one hit wonder, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We certainly do appreciate it. I just read that Cheesecake Factory is the highest grossing restaurant chain in America. Yay, maybe the world. What have I been missing? What did I miss when I went? What was I missing? I don't know.
Well, see, when you just stick to just fine.
Yeah, just fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. It's great. It's fine. It's not great. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
That's what we're sticking to. So maybe we're on that track.
I really do think that we might be the Cheesecake Factory of Comedy Podcast. We're not offending anybody. The food is fine. The service is fine. You go in the restaurant, it looks fine. Everything's fine. It's just fine. Everything's fine. And yeah, I think that's our lot in life, Chrissy. And that's okay.
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Chapter 2: What does it mean to be in the middle of the pack?
And I feel like, you know, the magnet has two sides. And right now we're on one side of the magnet where if you push another magnet toward it, it just pushes it away. You know what I'm saying?
It repels it.
But we're working on swinging to the other one. Yes, it repels it. There is no good reason for a guest to come on the commercial break. None. Zero. None. Just ask Neil Brennan. He'll tell you.
All right.
It's, you know, it's one of those things that I feel grateful for the position that we're in, but it makes me a little bit. like skeeved out almost a little bit. Like I'm here, I'm doing it. I'm putting one foot in front of the other. Do you feel like you have imposter syndrome? Yeah, very much. Yeah. Very much. So I feel like I have imposter syndrome. It is a thing and I have it.
I don't know that I'll ever get rid of it, but what I wanted to circle back with on Conan is I do see a sense, a bit of kinship in spirits. Not that I've ever talked to the guy, but kinship and spirits in the sense that I think he has imposter syndrome. I do. I feel like we're really close in my head. In my head, when I'm listening to his show, we're best friends.
I just feel like he's my best friend. Yeah, I just feel like if he knew I existed, that he might take a liking to me. If he wasn't as famous and talented as he was, that Conan and I would be best friends.
I think so.
Yeah, it's hard not to have imposter syndrome, I think, a little bit, when you just start a podcast and then all of a sudden 10 people are listening to you. You know, that's... It's big numbers. Listen... Ask 10 people to stand in your bedroom. You know, like some people at first listen to this. Yeah. Allison one time was like, it was way in the beginning of the podcast.
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Chapter 3: How does Bryan feel about his connection to Conan O'Brien?
I mean, think about, How football – Especially football players.
Yeah. The bruising and the beating up and the – Yeah, exactly.
I'm thinking about soccer or football as they call it.
Football, football.
But yeah, to where you're just – I mean your muscles are just working, working, working so overheated and I think there might be a benefit there. But I don't think just for us.
No. And I mean, like, when you get a bruise or a sprain or something, but that's your thing. I'm not saying don't do it. Listen, anything that we review on this show, fine and dandy. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, fine. As long as you're not, like, storming the Capitol or something. I don't give a shit what you do. But at the end of the day, this cold...
just doesn't seem beneficial to a guy like me, who the most exercise I get, literally, is rocking my daughter to sleep at night. Like, that's, you know, an occasional run. I don't need to sit in an ice bath for an hour. But if you're like a pro athlete, and you're really, your body's taking a toll. Like, the guys who do the Tour de France. I could Tour de France. Do you see how I said this?
I said it correctly, just letting everybody know that. The Tour de France. What happened to my mouth? It just stopped. It was like the Tour de France.
Oh.
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Chapter 4: What are the humorous challenges faced by the Mountain Monsters crew?
Announcer voice.
Now go into the announcer voice and get into that commercial. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and then we'll be back.
Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call or leave us a voicemail. And we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course.
Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are.
This episode is sponsored in part by PrizePix. Okay, now a sporting season has come around that I actually enjoy the MLB. It's back, baby. And I'm sitting here on Easter weekend, and I am playing some games on PrizePix. And let me tell you how easy this is. I picked Joe Boyle, a pitcher from Oakland, to throw more than 6.5 strikeouts. And I got Aaron Judge. You know Aaron Judge.
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That's prizepix.com slash TCB and make sure to use the code TCB for a first deposit match of up to $100. Now, you'll have to excuse me as I go watch the Oakland game, and I'll follow up with you next week and let you know what happens. PrizePix.com slash TCB. Use that code TCB to get up to $100 on a first match deposit. Thanks, PrizePix, for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Oh, my God.
Before we get into Mountain Monsters, you know what I'm so excited to see? The Pop-Tart Story starring Jerry Seinfeld. Don't ask me why. I am. Melissa McCarthy. I didn't even know this was a thing. It's a movie. It's coming out on Netflix May 3rd. And it's about the story about Oh, about how Pop-Tarts got started.
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Chapter 5: What is the significance of the Cheesecake Factory in the conversation?
We literally stumbled two feet. He was right there. Imagine, we could have actually had a camera take a picture of this creature so that we could be the most famous people on earth. They got away too quick. Yeah, they always do, Chrissy.
Oh, guys, I'm sorry. It scared me. Look at that. He tore up Jack, didn't he? A sheep squash just attacked this tree. He just tore a bark up.
There, let me make my sheep calling noises.
Baa, whoop. Baa, whoop, whoop. That was good. This is bad news. I'm telling you what. I don't understand a fucking word you said.
He's the worst. I know. Bill. I'd have earmuffs if I worked with that guy. And I'm a guy who screams for a living.
Keep an eye on your left up there, Trapper.
Okay.
careful there welly you fall off that son of a bitch we'll never get you out of here i can see the brush if you there's a tree that has fallen over what is clearly a three and a half inch ravine yeah and they're saying don't don't fall off we'll never get you out of there well because mainly because you the rest of you are 380 pounds out there towards right straight in front of me about 75 yards just i can hear it back up and come around come up here that log's gonna lead you to no place
I love how these guys, they're so sweet with each other. Don't get yourself stuck on a log that's fallen down. That'll lead no place. Well, I'm pretty sure anywhere you go in this scenario leads you to no place.
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Chapter 6: What unexpected stories arise from the Poptart discussion?
He's moving too fast. Or maybe you're moving too slow. Maybe half your problem on this stupid show is that you guys just don't know how to run. It's just crawling, basically.
What's the news, rapper? We got to get to the side besides and push him north. Huckleberry and I will take one.
I mean, there has got to be a more scientific way of doing this, don't you think? Like, shouldn't you have a chopper up above, like with thermals?
I was going to say like a drone.
Yeah, like a drone, a couple scientists who are ready to draw blood or something. There's got to be a better way to go about capturing the sheep squash.
I mean, it's just their process, Brian. Don't knock it.
I don't knock it. I've made a good living off their process. But I'm just sharing with you that it's kind of silly the way they go about this. They just stand in a circle and swing their guns around and yell at each other, essentially.
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Let's go, move out, let's go. The sheep squatch is way too fast for us to keep up with him on foot. He didn't jump in the side besides the pushing point. I dream this creature. I know. He's just dancing.
Running.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts react to the antics of the Mountain Monsters team?
Boone County is where you're making your bread and butter, kid. You're always in Boone County. Damn Boone County.
They've all got guns, too, and nobody can, like, you know, just point and shoot.
Point and shoot. If he's close enough to see, he's close enough to shoot. Yeah, exactly. Get a dart gun. I mean, wouldn't that be the wise thing here? Get a dart gun, fill it with some good stuff, and just shoot him in the neck. I've seen it in movies. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
Stay with him. He's going right there. He's still headed that way. We're on his ass.
We're on his ass.
We're on his ass. Don't threaten me with a good time. Get up in this ass. It's lonely out here for a sheep-squatch. I'm just letting you know. There's not a lot of females, not a single female sheep-squatch in Bird County. So if you guys want to take out it, I'll just bend over. Let you ram me for a few minutes. Then I'll basically mutilate you with my teeth. How's that? Oh, that's steep. There.
Right away. He's right here. He's right here. Oh, man.
This is worse than Fifty Shades of Grey!
Did they just crash into a tree?
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts share about their experiences?
I'm on to you. Oh, man. Hey, listen, you know what else I'd like to be on to? I'd like you to be on to the commercial break. We are plum out of people to talk to. here in this neck of the holler. So we need you to come on the commercial break. Don't you want to? Don't you need to? Wouldn't you like to? You can dial in on the phone. We'll disguise your voice if necessary.
If that really is necessary, we can do that. All you have to do is let us know you want to be on the show by contacting us at 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Text us. Let us know if you want to be on the show. Give us a little synopsis of what you'd like to discuss, the question you have, the advice you need. Someone will contact you and let you know when we record and how to get on the show.
We'll schedule it. We'll actually put it on a calendar, Chrissy. We will.
We have a shared calendar.
We do. Look at that. We're getting fancy around here. So hit us up there. Also, comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas, we will take them all at that phone number, voicemail, or text message. TCBpodcast.com is another way you can get a hold of us. You can go there, watch all the video, listen to all the audio, find out more about the show, our sponsors, our guests.
You can also get your free TCB bumper sticker. All you got to do is hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we will send it away. I think we're in the process of creating the new one. So at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. You're welcome, Brian.
All right, Chrissy. That's all I can do for today.
I think so.
But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.
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