Chapter 1: What are the latest updates on TCB Merch?
Hey, Crab-Aplians, are you sick and tired of boring old paper money? Is paying for your groceries with plastic becoming such a chore? What about those lame investments that make steady returns year after year? Boring. It's time you got involved in your favorite politician's legal defense fund. So buckle up, baby, because Mayor Schlutz is proud. No, legally obligated to introduce the payola coin.
yeah buy payola coin today and get unlimited access to the mayor's office that's right you can sit in the big chair order interns around and enjoy exclusive meet and greets with the mayor's daughter's sorority sisters it's not creepy if it's a networking event But wait, there's more. The Mayor Schlutz government is proud to announce the official Payola NFT.
This limited edition digital masterpiece features Mayor Schlutz himself wrapped in the glorious Crabapple flag. charging into a burning orphanage, heroically rescuing babies while three beautiful busty brunettes kneel in patriotic submission at his feet. Classy? No. Collectible? You bet your sweet altcoin it is.
All proceeds go directly toward paying off the mayor's ever-growing sack of legal bills, funding his new high-rise luxury condo project, and maybe, just maybe, buying back that gold-plated jacuzzi he lost in a settlement. So don't wait. Call now and we'll throw in one free bribe a Crabapple bumper sticker. What just happened? Because in Crabapple, it's all for sale.
Payola coin is not a registered security. NFTs may or may not exist. The mayor's daughter's sorority friends are subject to change without notice. Side effects include indictment, subpoena, and possible relocation to federal housing. Void where prohibited or where you have morals. On this episode of The Commercial Break... You are driving me crazy with your junk. Please remove it. Call Dale.
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Chapter 2: What are the most outrageous NextDoor posts reviewed?
Call Dale. My neighbor. That's a text message. To whoever hit my car in the parking lot Walmart and did not leave a note. I hope you're having a miserable day. Okay. Oh, there's one about the Starbucks cup. Where is that? Uh. To Kari, who likes her Venti Caramel Macchiato from the Starbucks at this location and got it today, Tuesday, the date, at 8.05.
You left your cup on the ground five feet from a trash can. Do better, Kari. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
oh yeah cats and kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show chris joy hoadley best to you chris best to you brian best to you out there in the podcast universe how the hell are you thanks for joining us we appreciate it shop tcb podcast.com it's now open even though you've already heard a commercial for it and you're likely already here another commercial for it we thought we'd let you know the shop tcb podcast is where you can get your exclusive limited time merch and a free sticker with every single order good
Don't let me persuade you. Be persuaded by the additional commercials I'll put in later on in the show. Nice. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 5.30! 5.30! That always gets me. It does. It gets me every time.
So, you know, Mom and I, sometimes we go through a streak where we talk all the time, and then other times it can be a little hit or miss, because I have many children, and it's not because I don't love my mother, it's because... Yeah. If she calls once and I answer the phone, then she's going to call five more times and I feel like I have to answer the phone.
But anytime I don't answer the phone, mom always thinks that there's trouble. Right.
there's something wrong yeah so i guess it was about i don't know about five weeks ago four weeks ago something like that i get a phone call from one of my brothers and he's like i think you were here in the studio yes and i'm like hey what's up bro you know he doesn't usually call and he called twice and i was like okay i mean he doesn't he doesn't call frequently we just talked the night before and i was like i wonder what's up hey brother hey hey man uh everything going okay
Yeah, everything's going fine.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the Payola Coin and NFT announcement?
You sure? Yeah, why? It's like you and Astrid at the house, everything's cool. And I'm like, according to me, yeah, I don't know. Astrid always seems to have an angry look on her face, but I think that's the general look of marriage disdain. I don't think there's anything unusual about that. Why? I don't know. I heard from mom that you guys might be getting a divorce. What? I go, what?
So then I go into the kitchen where Astrid is, and I'm like, Astrid, did you say anything to my mom about getting a divorce? She's like, I haven't talked to your mom about anything. And I was like, huh. I go, what did she say? And he goes, well, she told me that she hadn't heard from you guys in a while, and she had a suspicion that you guys are getting a divorce and not talking to her about it.
And I'm like, Kevin, come on, dude. Oh, God. I go, Kevin, listen, I get it. He goes, oh, no, I'm just calling to check on you. I'm like, thank you. I appreciate it. I would have done the same thing. Yeah, yeah. But at the end of the day, no, I didn't get my mom the inside track on the divorce, the impending divorce between us.
She just went to the worst thing.
She went to the worst. I mean, the other thing is like the children are hurt and, you know, we're not telling her, you know, someone's got cancer and we haven't told her. Oh, wow. She goes on the – her mind goes.
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Chapter 4: What humorous insights can we gather from neighbor complaints?
But that's because her mind is very unique and it can go. It's a little – it's – It's a little susceptible to paranoid thoughts. And that's why about five years ago, four years ago, when she started only watching Fox News, we had to stop her from only watching Fox News. Because I was like, Mom, this is the place that was built for your brain. You got to turn it off. And she did.
To her credit, she turned it off and turned back on Little House on the Prairie and QVC. That's right. Where no damage can be done. But so then the other day she leaves me a message.
Hi, Brian. It's your mom. And I was just thinking, did one of the kids get in an accident and then they're at the hospital and you didn't tell me?
And I'm like, oh, my God, Mom. So, you know, whatever. We're doing something. And then hours later, another message.
Hi, Brian. I was thinking maybe it's not the kids. Maybe it's you. Maybe you got in an accident and no one's telling me. Can you call me back and let me know that you're not in the hospital?
And I'm like, Mom.
Yeah, no.
So I text her. I'm like, Mom, I'm OK. Like, I'm just busy. I'll call you. I'll get around to it.
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Chapter 5: How does AI influence the creation of content?
And she's like, oh, thank God.
I thought you were maybe dead.
And I'm like, Jesus Christ, Mom, stop it.
Oh, no.
But I wonder if that's maybe just how you get in your old age when you're like rumbling around. Well, there's a lot of time. Yeah, there's a lot of time and some of that time can be on your own.
And when the ones you love are not like right there in front of you, maybe you always suspect that something bad when you're already prone to thinking bad things might happen, then, you know, the anxieties get to you. But so anyway, I say that to remind myself to call my mother and explain to her that I'm not, in fact, getting a divorce to my knowledge, you know. Who knows?
Astrid could walk in tomorrow with papers and I would be none the wiser. I'm kind of a dum-dum when it comes to stuff like that.
No, you guys just had a great anniversary.
We did. We had a nice anniversary. Thank you to a lot of listeners who texted in and said happy anniversary. We had a nice anniversary. And by nice anniversary, I mean we got away for three hours without children. And I'll take that. All right. It's been a long time. It's probably been months since we have reviewed Brian's next door posts.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of using ChatTCB 5.0?
Right down the street from me. They CBP, the Dean Cain's agency, they intercepted a package from Mexico that looked, I think, like a box of vodka, like a box of liquor. And I guess they did some testing on the liquor and found out that the clear liquid inside was not, in fact, alcohol. It was liquid crystal meth, pure liquid crystal meth.
Wow.
which I've seen this in movies.
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
And additionally in Breaking Bad and additionally in Better Call Saul, I think. But I have never, I did not know that it was actually a thing. I know liquid cocaine is a thing because, you know, that's Novocaine essentially is liquid cocaine. But I guess I should have known that you can turn a solid into a liquid by doing something to it chemically. I'm not sure I didn't go to that class ever.
But that's just crazy to me. They found 20, is it 20? They found 18 bottles of pure liquid crystal meth. Wow. So then they drop off the package. Somebody grabs it. They bust down the door. They arrest the people inside, a couple guys inside. They then find additional kilos of cocaine, tons of cash, you know, all kind of drug-related paraphernalia, baggies and stuff to distribute the stuff.
And then they find two cursors, two chemicals, precursors or chemicals, where you would mix it with the crystal meth and it would turn the meth back into a crystal form. Yeah, that's unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Well, I mean, it's already chemicals anyways, right?
Yeah, it's liquid at some point, right? I guess they just like ship it to you like that. I don't know. It's got to have a smell. That's a big bust.
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Chapter 7: How do personal experiences shape views on technology?
That crystal meth is made out of like drain cleaner and gasoline and stuff like that. I mean, cocaine is also made out of gasoline, ether, ethanol. But wow, it's got to have an incredibly pungent smell to it, you would think. And that's not something you want roaming around the house. Imagine if someone gets a hold of that. You're like serving it at the party. Like, hey, what you got?
Oh, cool, man. I'll take a shot of vodka. And then you're running around Peachtree Street with your dick half hard, stabbing yourself with a pencil.
Yeah, it would not go well.
Listen, I'm one of these guys who, like, if you're doing it and it's not hurting anybody else, God bless you, you know, you'll figure it out on your own eventually or you won't. But crystal meth is one of those things where I can see how getting 12, 18 bottles of pure liquid methamphetamine a mile from my house out of the community probably did some good. That's a good thing.
And thank God Nextdoor told you about it.
Hey, listen, Nextdoor, I'm going to check in for news updates now. Because I have seen quite a bit of weird stuff, you know, up and down. I live in a nice neighborhood, but then not too far away from me, there's a little corridor there. It's a very busy street. There's a lot of businesses. It's a commercial district.
And that commercial district can be hit or miss a little bit, like most suburbs around the world. And I've seen a few odd things here and there.
Somebody with their dick half hard stabbing themselves?
Yes. Actually, I saw a guy pissing on the neighborhood sign a couple years back. There was the lady that parked in front of my house and started honking her horn incessantly. She was having a mental health crisis. There was the lady at Waffle House who was almost dead. I don't know what was going on with her.
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Chapter 8: What is the future of AI in our daily lives?
I think she had been on the tranq. If I'm coming home from a trip or going to get someone to the airport late at night or something, you can see some weird stuff. Yeah, people running across a six-lane highway, dodging traffic in a weird way. I went to the gas station. A couple of weeks ago, I don't know why I was at Kroger or whatever. I was out late at night.
I go to the gas station to put some gas in the car for the next day. And there was a girl who was tweaked. She was outside of her car, but there was like a guy that was pumping gas. He looked like he was tweaking, but the tweak level on this girl was an 11. She was like,
shaking her head left and right like looking at everything so quickly and like really you know doing this whole number like almost like she was having convulsions and you could tell she was just so high that her body had lost control of itself you know what I'm saying I just had made a stop off at the meth house that's what I was thinking that's the connection that I made that wasn't too far off from where this liquid meth was
So anyway, we'll probably get killed by a cartel here soon. But anyway. All right. Number one, scam alert. Everybody be on notice. There is a scam that is going around and someone, I'm not going to name the name, but someone, because it's a very unique name, someone older wants you to be aware of it. Scam alert. I despise scammers. So I want to bring awareness to a particularly elaborate one.
You get a phone call from a number with a recorded message from Lieutenant Jones of the law enforcement division. He asks you to call back a number. She puts the number and then choose extension four. I have confirmed directly with the sheriff's officer that this is not their phone number.
If you call the number and it sounds legit, it's because the man is using a fake voice to impersonate an actual sheriff's office. It gives you five options, but all lead to the same voicemail. Don't get scammed. Scam alert. Okay. What's the scam? I called a voicemail. I'm waiting for the scam part of it. She gives no detail. So just don't call the phone number. Okay. Got it. 10-4.
Listen, if a police officer calls me or I think a police officer is calling me, I'm likely to call them back for whatever reason. I want to know at what time I'm going to get arrested. So I'm going to call them so I can put on the appropriate clothing and stick stuff up my ass. But listen to me right now. That's not a scam. That's just someone trying to scam you.
You didn't go through all the steps. Yeah. And if you hate scammers, then you would have gone through all the steps so you could give us actual information, not don't press five. I mean, come on. Get it together. Um... Hi, I don't normally complain, but I want to make people aware. I used a flooring company and it's the worst thing I ever did in my entire house. Poor quality materials.
They used a leveler liquid and now that's leaking into my basement. It ran down the walls and some onto my artwork. No one returns my phone calls. I was going to post pictures, but I cannot figure out how. You've been warned. Please do not use them. No name attached. There's nothing. No, they don't touch any name. Shout out to the young man that works at the sanitation trucks.
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